Could do Without
by bleueyz
Summary: Yuffie contemplates what she could do without. And ends up trying to convince herself Vincent is one of them. Yuffentine. After DoC.
1. Could do without

**Rewritten**

**A/N: Wow, has it really been 6 years? I was feeling particularly nostalgic, so I decided to look up this old piece of work and noticed it was still around. I'll be revising all of the chapters and perhaps adding some more to finally reach 100… (I started a new ff7 file…. Agaiiiin…) So, keep your eyes out for new stuff from me! (Revision start: 7/22/12)**

_**Could Do Without**_

He's just a jerk.

A very attractive jerk.

With horrible fashion sense.

And pale creamy skin.

And he never says more than five words at a time.

And his gorgeous eyes always shine.

And his brooding could put even Cloud to shame.

But you have to admit, his smirk is pretty hot.

Uh, he has halitosis.

_**Could do without.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Stupid snow, I hate you. I hate you too, storm clouds. Don't think I forgot about you either, frozen lake. I hate you all. Except you, Sun. You melt all the ice away and you've got the Great Ninja Yuffie Kisaragi on your side. Gawd, why am I sent to Icicle town? The smallest one, the one that can produce the least body heat, the Wutain. Sometimes, I think Reeve is out to get me. Maybe he found out it was me who dressed Cait Sith up as a porn star… No! My plan was fool proof! All the evidence I planted was pointing to Cid! So then, why me? Oh Leviathan, why do you hurt me so? I'm not going to be the least bit happy when they find Vince. Why? Because he thinks he can pull this stuff all the time. Prick. Then, when we're on the plane, I'll just be like, hey Vince, and act like I hadn't even noticed he was gone. Oh yeah, that'll show him. I'll just have to be real smooth and pretend I haven't been searching like crazy, freezing my ass off and pulling my hair out worrying about him.

Gawd, I hate when my phone goes on vibrate.

"Hello?"

"We found him."

"…"

"Yuffie? Are you alright?"

"SWEET MOTHER OF LEVIATHEN, THANK YOU!"

_**Could do without.**_

**X-X-X-X**

He's alright.

When he's not thinking about his dead chick.

Who's in the head of a younger chick.

That's supposed to be an older chick, but due to large amounts of mako,

Is still a younger chick.

Actually he's more than alright; he's close to perfect… except for the demons and all.

But… that can be fixed… right?

Vince Valentine, definitely something I couldn't do without, even if I tried.

_**Could do without? I think not.**_


	2. Better Luck Next Time

_**Better luck next time**_

_A/n: _

Can you get hypothermia in your butt? Because, if you can, I'm screwed. Cid needs to hurry his ass up and get here. I never want to see another snow flake in my life. I'm going to get sick, great. The **Great** Ninja Yuffie NEVER gets sick. It just doesn't happen. It's as rare as Vinnie saying 10 words in a sentence. Speaking of Vinnie, I need to think of something to say to him. As much as I want to yell at him till his ears bleed I can't. Because no matter how much I want to blame him for worrying us all sick. It wasn't really his fault. ARG!

**X-X-X-X**

So, it's been at least 30 minutes since anyone on that freaking airship called me. I'm starting to panic. I mean, what if they don't come? What if some Jenova thing popped out of Cloud and killed everyone like in Alien? But with Jenova! What if Cid died at the wheel due to smoking? Then they all crashed on this island. I should stop now before I can come up with a billion other things that could have gone wrong.

**X-X-X-X**

I really wish they'd hurry I mean it's been 5 more minutes. I'm out here in the cold; because my toes are numb I can't walk fast. Since I can't walk fast it's going to take me even longer to get to icicle inn and get a room. I just sneezed 6 times in a row. Great, just great. If the airship ever comes, I'm going to kick Cid in the knee. Then I'm going to punch him in his smoking-tea-drinking-mouth. Yeah, I think I'll do that.

**X-X-X-X**

_**Better luck next time**_. All the rooms are taken. I'm freezing and I'm burning up great. Damn it how long does it take to fly here from that stupid cave? Ugh I'm calling Tifa.

"Yuffie?"

"WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?"

"Yuffie, calm down, we're having some difficulties."

"What kind of difficulties?"

Long pause.

"WELL?" I'm losing my patience.

"Vincent hasn't come out of the cave yet."

"You said you found him!"

"We did. He's just in there."

"Let me guess. You're respecting his privacy and not telling him I'm dying from the cold, right?"

"Yuff-"

"GAWD, just hurry up I'm freezing here."

Stupid Vinnie and his stupid dead chick. GAWD!

**X-X-X-X**

Warm at last on the airship. After two days of being out in the tundra freezing my butt off. You have no idea how happy I am to be here. The inconsistent has happened I, the **Great** Ninja Yuffie, am sick. Which Tifa can't help rubbing in right now. She keeps telling me to go lie down and sleep and stuff. But first I have to see Vinnie.

"Where's Vinnie?"

Long pause. "With Shelke." She says.

_**Better luck next time.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Vinnie and I were close. But I guess now since he has his dead chick in that young chick that really is an older chick, He doesn't need me anymore. And All I can think when I see him is _**better luck next time.**_


	3. Gone to the Dogs

_**Gone to the Dogs**_

_**-**_

**Heading towards ruin**

He comes by a lot now. I go to answer the door and he's standing there. I know he's not here to see me, though. He gives a nod and sometimes I get a quiet, "Hello Yuffie." But I know he's here to see her. I, the **Great** Ninja Yuffie Kisaragi, am depressed over a man. The denial stage is over. Time for me to pretend to be chipper and all, Tifa's looking at me odd. I should probably keep mixing drinks. I hear him coming down the stairs. _**He's gone to the dogs.**_

**X-X-X-X**

I hate her, I really do. Her feelings for Vincent aren't even her own. I know that, Tifa knows that, Hell! Even Vincent knows that. Yet he still comes to see her, every day at 5 O'clock. They talk for an hour. Then he leaves again. It's always the same. He's never late, he's never early. I can hear **them** laughing. Her light musical laugh forming with his deep gruff laugh. I think my ears are starting to bleed.

"Yuffie?"

"Sorry Tifa, I'll get you a new cup."

Did I say ears? I meant my hand.

He's coming down the stairs. I use my hand as an excuse to leave the room.

_**He's gone to the dogs.**_

**X-X-X-X**

I want to get out of here, Tifa suspects something. I don't answer the door in the kitchen like I use to… Because I know its Vincent. My mood has been gradually declining for months, hell, feels like years, ever since Aerith died. I need to get out of here. Better yet, I need to go _steal_ something. I can hear him walking up behind me.

"Yuffie."

"Hi." Now's the time to go. He's looking at me weird; I can see it in the reflection of the glass. I turn to face him and crack a smile. Then yell something at Tifa about me going to the store. I am such a **liar**. Now's the time to go. He tries to block my way with that stupid cape of his and I just hop over the counter and leave.

_**He's gone to the dogs. **_And I'm not going to be the one to stop him.

**X-X-X-X**

Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. These Kalm travelers are so easy. I already have a mastered all materia, a cure, a fire, and an earth one. I can sell the all and take the boat from Junon to Cost Del Sol. Then go somewhere else. Yeah, that's it. The **GREAT** Ninja Yuffie Kirasagi is back in action! All of you better hold your purses tight, because I'm up for the challenge of robbing everyone I see. Oh, Hi Cloud.

"Yuffie, what are you doing here on the Kalm plains?" He asks.

"Tifa sent me to get some things from some people, at that one ranch WAY over there." You never know with, Cloud might as well add some pointing and jumping to specify my point.

"… Alright. See you later then."

"Later Spiky."

Now, I'll rob everyone I see. There aren't really a lot of people out here. Just green grass and wide open plains. I guess I better hurry; I need to get a chocobo to get across that icky marsh. I could so take on the Midgar Zolomn, but you know it's a marsh. GROSSNESS! Is there an airship near by or something? Because this constant grr sound is coming from somewhere. And it isn't my stomach, that's for sure. A pack of Kalm Wolves… goodie. Heheh. Nice doggies. There sure are a lot of you aren't there? 30… 40?

_**I've gone to the dogs.**_


	4. Going to hell in a hand basket

_**Going to Hell in a Hand Basket**_

_**-**_

**To become worse in quality or character.**

**A hand basket is just a basket with a handle. Something carried in a hand basket goes wherever it's going without much resistance.**

That was a close one. But I finally made it here, Junon. It was really hard to concentrate on killing wolves with my phone ringing non-stop. Gawd, Cloud, you picked a nice time to care about me.

"What?"

"Tifa never sent you out to the ranch." He says.

"Well yeah, I just got a call from my father and it was very personal so, I'm heading off to Wutai. _Sorry_ I didn't want to spill my _**GUTS**_ to you Spike. If you don't mind, I'm trying **NOT** to get mauled here and your constant calling is **DISTRACTING ME**!" Humph. Jerk. Since when have I been such a liar?

_**I'm going to hell in a hand basket.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Ever since I was little, I remember fibbing… to get out of trouble, to avoid taking medicine, anything. My mother always use to tell me it's better to tell the truth, but I still never did it. I think I'm a pathological liar. I just lied to that fellow saying I need food to go feed my two dying little sisters. Gawd, I have issues. But I am a **Great** Ninja, so I guess it doesn't really matter if I lie or cheat to get anything. Ninjas do that… right? Right. They also steal from old ladies while they're helping them across the street. Of course.

_**I'm going to hell in a hand basket.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Alright, I know I said I'd never help old ladies across the street but she had some serious materia on her. I'm talking mastered ice, thunder, and aero. I was a little perplexed to as why in the hell an old lady would be carrying this stuff, but she was selling it for her son. She was droning on about how he was this nice young man. Who was smart, strong and a real looker, or so she said. She told me about how he use to be in solider and nearly died because a 'buffoon with spiky yellow hair and a big sword' swung at him. Gee, I wonder who that was… Heh too bad. My materia now, sorry Granny, I need money for tranquilizers. Motion sickness is the worst thing in the **whole **_entire_ world. I decided not to sell my all materia. It was pretty handy with all those wolves.

_**I'm going to hell in a hand basket.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Urk! I hate boats… I think I'm going to hurl. These tranquilizers aren't really helping much. But I guess I'd have already spewed chunks if I hadn't taken one. Have to be quiet, I stowed away. Of course I have enough money for the boat fair, but why pay when you can sneak on for free? If anyone asks I was in one of these boxes being sold as a sex slave by Shelke. I hope she gets throw in jail and gets to room with a rapist. No, a rapist and/or murderer. Ugh, what am I thinking?! I don't want that. Vince would be sad after all. Sigh.

_**I'm going to hell in a hand basket.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Costa Del Sol, What a pretty place. Tons of unsuspecting tourist waiting for their materia and gil to be stolen. Hah, that would have happened if Cid hadn't of been here. Tea drinking jerk, called Cloud. And now I'm here again. Back at the bar, soon to be serving drinks while they all interrogate me on why I left and lied and stole. Bah humbug. All I did was rob some people, sneak on a ship and help an old lady cross the street.

_**I may be going to hell in a hand basket but so is Vinnie, that pedophile.**_

_A/n: Pedophile part referring to Shelke looking 10 and Vincent being like 27. and yes Vincent doesn't age. "_Vincent's character designer, Tetsuya Nomura, has stated that Vincent was left immortal due to the experimentation conducted on him." _From Wikipedia dot com just go there and search for Vincent Valentine and look at the footnotes if you think I made that up. It also says he has a real arm and feet under all that metal. Who would have thought._


	5. Lead Up the Garden Path

_**Lead up the garden path**_

_**-**_

**Entice, lead on, or deceive.**

I'm back here again, serving drinks, getting odd looks and hit on. Same old, same old. She's coming down the stairs. I hate her, I really do. Stupid dead chick in a younger chick that is really an older chick. ARG. I. HATE. HER.

"Hello, Yuffie Kisaragi." She says. She's standing in front of me with that blank expression on her face. I want to hit her.

"You know you don't have to say my last name all the time, Shelke."

"It's only polite. Has Vincent Valentine come by yet today to talk to you?" she asks.

"No why?" I'm starting to shake.

"Oh, he was just saying how he was going to tell you how he's respect if you'd leave whenever he comes over. He said something about not liking to see you. Oh well, he truly is a gentleman."

I'm shaking, I want to cry. Vinnie wouldn't say something like that… would he?

_**Lead up the garden path.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Its 5 O'clock and I'm hiding in the bathroom. I hear Vincent's foot steps. They're growing quieter. Now's the time to go, down the steps and behind the bar. I'll be hiding in the bathroom come 6 O'clock also. In fact, I've done that everyday this week. I'm going to do it tomorrow and the next day and the next. Tifa's telling me to go wash the cups. I'm reflecting off all the cups and I look like a mess. Better hurry into the kitchen, I can hear them coming down the stairs. I leave the water running as I wash the cups; it drowns out their voices that way, I guess. Tifa's calling me; I don't even make a sound.

_**Lead up the garden path.**_

**X-X-X-X**

These walls are far too thin. **She** called _him_, and _he_ answered. At 5 in the morning. _He_ never answered my calls. He went as far as to tell Cloud I had no right to call him because it was his phone. Oh gawd, maybe he really does hate me. But, who in their right mind could hate me? The **GREAT** Ninja Yuffie Kisaragi! … Who am I kidding? He probably thinks I'm an annoying brat, that's a pathological liar and a klepto. GREAT, just freaking great. It's settled, tomorrow I'm confronting Vinnie about this; I have to know if it's true.

"She is quite a nuisance."

_**Lead up the garden path.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Its 4:45 and my stomachs in knots. He'll be here in 15 minutes. I'm a nervous wreck. I need to get out of here, to run. Just my luck, it's raining. What people? Never seen a running girl before?

"Yuffie." Just my luck again.

"I'm sorry."

"…Why?"

"Because… I know you don't want to see me, so I just left but then I ended up running into you. If you're wondering why I know, it's because Shelke told me, you hated me so like yeahh." God I talk a lot.

My eyes are closed waiting his answer, it never comes. Instead I'm not getting rained on anymore as he wraps his cloak around me and leads me back to the bar.

_**I've been lead up the garden path.**_


	6. An Eye for An Eye

_**An eye for an eye**_

_**-**_

**Revenge**

I'm a fool; for believing the word of a dead chick in a younger chick who is really an older chick. I really am. I know Vinnie better than her; well Shelke anyway, can't really say anything about dead chick. But, I really should have known. Vinnie's talking to her now actually; I hope he hates her guts. I know how Vinnie feels about eavesdropping but I really want to hear this conversation.

"Shelke, why'd you tell Yuffie I hate her?" He asks.

"I didn't. She's a lunatic. She made up the whole entire story to get your attention. She really should be sent to an asylum or something." She says.

Vinnie better not believe her. Heh, but this means war.

_**An eye for an eye**_

**X-X-X-X**

Time for operation 'steal Vinnie from the evil clutches of the dead chick in the younger chick, which is really an older chick.' Or S. V. F. T. E. C. O. T. D. C. I. T. Y. C. W. I. R. A. O. C. for short. This isn't really shorter. We'll just go with operation Dead chick, alright? Alright. The plan? I get buddy-buddy with Vin-Vin, while I try to get some dirt on Shelke. Catch her red handed talking to me, you know. I could just use Tifa as a witness but she was leaving Cloud a voicemail, so I doubt she was paying attention… wait THAT'S IT! If I can get Cloud's phone, then listen to the message you might be able to hear Shelke. I'm Genius. But that in itself is a hard task. So till Cloud returns, buddy- buddy with Vin-Vin.

"Hey Vince, you always leave after your visit with Shelke. Why don't we have a little chat, like old times?" Or more like you go '...' while I complain about how I should be finding missing kittens.

"Yuffie, I really must be somewhere." He says.

"Where? That cave that dead lady is in? Man Vin-Vin, you have got to let her go."

"…Vin-Vin?"

"Stop avoiding the subject. It wouldn't **kill** you to have a conversation with me over some hot chocolate, now would it?"

"…"

"I'll take that dotdotdot as a yes. Fine, go leav-"

"No."

"No, what?"

"It… wouldn't kill me." WOO SCORE FOR THE YUFFSTER! The **Great** Ninja Yuffie Kisaragi strikes again.

"Let's go have a seat in the kitchen it's too loud out here." A smirk is plastered on my face as I pull Vinnie back into the Kitchen. Shelke's at the top of the stairs glaring at me. He totally ignores her and keeps looking at that floor.

_**An eye for an eye.**_

**X-X-X-X**

My plan is working perfectly. I asked Tifa and Cloud said he'd be back in 25 minutes. I just have to make sure Vinnie stays till then. Then the hard part… stealing Cloud's phone and having him not notice for long enough that I can find the message, since only god knows how many he gets a day, then putting it on speaker phone so Vin-Vin can hear. My fingers are itching in anticipation. I love stealing things, I really do.

"Yuffie?"

"Ah sorry zoned-out. So Vince, where do you go the other 23 hours of the day that you aren't here?"

"…"

"Hah, usually I'd accuse you of staying in that creepy coffin of yours, but I guess the trip from Nibelheim to Edge isn't one you can make in a day even…"

"I work… in Kalm."

"Let me guess… you're a male model?"

"…"

"Joke. You know you're supposed to haha at them then move on. Don't give me that 'what you just said was totally ridiculous look' jeez. Lighten up, Vince."

I can hear his bike. He just turned it off and he's walking up to the door. Now or never, my whole entire plan depends on my next couple of movements. I can feel the sweat trickling down the side of my face. The knobs turning, move Yuffie, now! The door opens and I launch! This would be perfect if I hadn't just tripped over my own foot and I wasn't falling foreword on my face. Plan B; which is improvise. Get up and grab his phone then run like hell! Which is just what I did.

"Yuffie!"

Shit, shit, shittt. He's coming. Room with lock, room with lock… BATHROOM!

"Yuffie! Don't you dare drop that in the toilet!"

"I'm not gonna I just want to listen to this one voice mail."

Hurry up damn it. Crap his phone password… I know I knew it once. Was it 7 2 8 4 or 8 2 7 4? I can't remember! And he's jiggling the door knob crap. Yes! It worked. Now time to find the voice mail. This is my only chance. I unlock the door and kick it open dazing Cloud as I run down the stairs to the kitchen and I quickly hit the speaker phone button and turn up the volume to the max. Shelke, Tifa and Vinnie all look at me odd.

Tifa's voice comes on saying, "Hi Cloud, how've you been?"

Oh no it's not on her- wait, "Hello Yuffie Kisaragi." IT'S HERE! But it's quiet I can hear Cloud coming down the stairs and I quickly place the phone on the table and grab a bread roll. I shove it in Cloud's mouth just as he's about to say something.

"Oh, he was just saying how he was going to tell you how he'd respect if you'd leave whenever he comes over. He said something about not liking to see you. Oh well, he truly is a gentleman." Shelke says. Then Tifa ends the message.

Vince is looking at the phone for the longest time. What if he didn't hear it? All of this for nothing!

"Made it up, Shelke?" he asks.

_**An eye for an eye. And I get the last laugh.**_


	7. Let the Dead Bury Their Dead

_**Let the Dead Bury Their Dead**_

_**-**_

**The past is best forgotten.**

_A/n: Mild cursing in this one. Yuffie drops the F-bomb a couple of times.._

Vinnie doesn't come to see Shelke everyday now. I hope he's finally starting to realize his dead chick may be in Shelke, but Shelke isn't anything like her. I called him two days ago, he answered and I could hear a waterfall in the background. It doesn't take rocket science to know where he was. I really wish he'd give up on her. I'm not saying he should come falling head over heels for me, actually that'd be pretty nice. But, I know it's not going to happen. I just wish he'd be happy. So, a new operation has been brought to my attention. Operation make Vinnie happy shall be carried out by me, the **Great** Ninja Yuffie Kisaragi. The plan is, get Vinnie to forget about dead girl long enough to have a good time, to realize life can move on without her. He should be stopping by today. So, all I can do is wait, mix drinks and stand behind this bar bored. 4:59, 30 seconds till Vinnie gets here. 20 Seconds… 15 seconds… 10 seconds… 5 seconds… HE'S HERE!

"HEY VINNIE!" or not…

_**Let the Dead Bury Their Dead.**_

**X-X-X-X**

He never came yesterday, I'm starting to worry. I wish he'd get in the habit of answering his phone, he's really worrying me.

"Please leave a message after the tone."

"Hey Vinnie, it's me, the **GREAT** Ninja Yuffie. Um, give me a call; I'm starting to worry about you. You better not be in that coffin or that cave. Bye."

Oh man, oh man. What if she, like, ate his soul! I'm so going to that cave, like right now.

"Hey Tifa!"

"Yeah Yuffie?" she says.

"I'mgoingtothatonecave, youknowtheonewiththatdeadchick, I'llbebacklater. Okay? Bye!"

"Wait… what?"

"Notime, gottorun."

_**Let the Dead Bury Their Dead.**_

**X-X-X-X**

After 'borrowing' one of Cloud's gold chocobos from that ranch, I'm here at last. If I didn't know what was behind that water fall, I would think this place was really pretty.

"Vince, are you in here?" This place gives me the creeps, not just because there's a lady frozen in crystal, it's just odd in here. There isn't much sun light in here, anything could be hiding in the dark… gulp.

"Yuffie."

"AHHH! OMIGAWD! Vince you scared the crap out of me. Oh my gosh, give me a minute, alright? My heart's beating a mile a minute."

"I'm sorry."

"No need, I was creeped out just by coming in this place."

"I got your calls. It never crossed my mind that you might come here. I should have called you back. I apologize."

"Gentleman as usual."

"…pardon?"

"Ah it's nothing. What are you doing in a place like this anyway?"

"Repenting."

"You have nothing to repent for! Have you ever heard the saying '_**let the dead bury their own dead**_**'**?"

"I am dead Yuff-"

"SHUT UP! No, you aren't!" Oh. My. Gawd. I just slapped Vinnie. Vin-Vin. Vincent Valentine.

"…"

"You aren't dead yet, but she's killing you! Hell, you're helping her kill you! Can't you see that? Are you really that blind?" I'm crying. Great.

"Yuffie, a monster is not worth your tea-"

"You just shut up. You listen, and you listen well. You aren't dead. You aren't a monster. And you didn't fucking kill her, Hojo did. You tried to stop her, and that's all you could have done. No matter how much you want to blame yourself, you weren't her. You weren't responsible for her decisions! Damn it Vincent, look at me. You aren't fucking dead yet. And you better not go kill yourself. Because you have friends, and we won't forgive you. We'll damn you to hell if you die. Don't look at me like that, like you don't believe a word I'm saying. I'm serious. You need to move on; your life doesn't revolve around her."

"Yes it does…"

"NO IT DOESN'T! Your life revolves around Vincent Valentine." I'm pounding on his chest now. Hah like that will make him believe me.

"There's nothing left for me." He says.

"I see how it is. I'm nothing to you, well Vince, you're everything to me. But, right now I hope you go rot away in your coffin and I never have to see your gorgeous face again!"

"Yuffie…"

I'm out of here. I'm going back to the bar. This was a fucking waste of time. Some **Great** Ninja I am, crying and all.

_**Let the dead bury their own dead.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Tifa keeps asking me what happened. I don't feel like telling her, I don't feel like reliving that moment. His eyes were so dead, it was horrible. It's been a couple of days. I hear foot steps behind me.

"Tifa, I'm not going to tell you what happened." There's no answer. I nearly turn around when I feel two arms around my waist. Well, one clawed arm and one gloved one.

"The past… is best forgotten."

"Took you two days to gather up enough courage to come here and say 5 words, eh? I know I, the **Great** Ninja Yuffie, am pretty scary when I'm angry. But I didn't expect you to take that long."

"…"

_**He's let the dead bury their own dead and I've never been happier.**_


	8. Knock For Six

_**Knock for six**_

_**-**_

**Wrecked or defeated.**

_A/n: Shelke bashing time. Yey. If you actually like Shelke you won't like this chapter._

Gawd, it's hot. The bar's air conditioning isn't working. It's so freaking hot. And since it's so freaking hot, _she's_ down here. Yes, _she._ I swear since she came down here business has been going slower… ah, I bet she tampered with it. That little conniving…

"Yuffie, could you please go to the store with Shelke and buy a fan? This place is killer."

"WAIT… WHAT! Why can't you go?!"

"I have to wait for the kids to get back from school."

"But, bu-"

"Yuffie… please?"

"Fine! Come on short stuff, we've got a mission."

"Why do you always make trivial tasks sound like the hardest thing in the world?"

"… Because I have a personality. You should go buy one. They really help when it comes to guys."

_**Knock for six.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Who thought fan shopping could be this hard? I mean, there's like no fans, anywhere! And Ms. Dark-and-depressing isn't helping. She picks up things off the shelves, asks what their used for, then puts it back. Explaining what a condom was used for was pretty awkward, what condoms are doing near electronics is beyond me, but still.

"Yuffie Kisaragi, what's this?"

"A TV, you watch mindless junk on it."

"Ah. What's this?"

"A digital camera."

"Hm. What'-"

"Will you just shut up and put that down. Stop asking questions you're slowing me down."

How pathetic. A **GREAT** Ninja like myself, going fan shopping with someone who's been living under ground for the past 9 years or so.

"Hey, do you have any fans?"

"Sorry Miss, we're all sold out."

God this is getting tedious.

_**Knock for six.**_

**X-X-X-X**

We've been to **every** _single_ shop in town. They are all sold out. Sigh. This is going to be hard to tell Tifa.

"Did you get the fans?"

"We-"

"No. We didn't, because she wanted to waste time looking at trivial things."

"Hey, I'm not the one picking up every single thing in an isle and asking what the hell it is, princess."

"You never specified that we were in a hurry."

"Two words. Common. Sense."

_**Knock for six.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Gawd, it's even hotter than it was before. I'm melting. Soon I'll be a puddle of Yuffie sweat, oh gross. Shelke keeps glaring at me.

"What?"

"..."

"You mind not starring at me like that, it's sort of creepy."

"What in the world does he see in you?" she asks.

"Who?"

"You know who." I love how all our conversations turn to Vince.

"Oh, him. It's because of my dynamic personality. Opposites attract, I guess."

"Dynamic? Hardly, you're loud, rude, foul, dirty and hardly anyone I'd like to be associated with." She says.

"Oh-"

"None of those words you just listed describe Yuffie, at all. I'd appreciate it if you didn't insult my friends, Shelke."

"Hey Vince."

_**Knock for six. And she's hit the bricks.**_


	9. Four Flusher

_**Four-flusher**_

_**-**_

**A swindler, a pretender, a bluffer.**

_A/n: I was just eating beef jerky, and I got this great idea of Yuffie playing cards and eating beef jerky and cheating to win gil and materia and the like. Vinnie shall be in this one. But no Shelke. OH! Cussing in this one. Cid's dirtayyy mouth. ALSO! I know absolutely nothing about poker. So they're going to be playing gold fish. ALRIGHT? With money. I've done it before. So I know it's ridiculous, but bare with me._

As gross as the way beef jerky is made, this stuff is damn good. Chewing this stuff helps me bluff, also. Helps me keep a straight face, you know? Good for playing cards.

"I don't want to play anymore."

"Pussying out, Vince?"

"Cid, I'd respect it if you didn't use such language."

"Yeah, whatever." He says.

"Got any eights?" I ask.

"Damn…"

"Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. I win again, Cid. Up for another round?" I say.

"Sure brat, I'm winning all my damn money back this time, too."

"You said that last time. I'll shuffle."

Slip some cards in here or there and I'll win this one for sure.

_**I'm a four-flusher.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"I bet 5 mastered materia that I'll win this round by more than 6 pairs."

"You talk large, brat. I meet your bet. Let's play. Got any 5's?" he asks.

"Go… fish." I say.

"Got any 3's?" I ask.

"Go fish."

"Got any 6's?" he asks.

"Go fish."

"Got any 5's?" I ask.

"Damn brat you're cheating!"

"NO, I'M NOT! I JUST PICKED UP THE DAMN CARD! YOU GREASY OLD MAN! Didn't I Vinnie? Didn't I?"

"…"

"Damn cheating, brat."

Cid's right, I so didn't pick up a 5. I picked up a 3. heh.

_**I'm a four-flusher. A Bluffer**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Got any jack's?"

"Damn brat, you must be cheating some way, I mean damn. I'm going ta lose 5 fucking mastered materia because of you, brat." He says.

"Yeah well too bad, that's what you get for challenging the **GREAT** Ninja Yuffie Kisaragi. Nyuk."

"Don't see no great ninja's here. Just a damn cheating brat."

Oh silly Cid. Don't you know ninja's are masters of deception? I can see your cards reflecting in the glass, I don't even have to cheat with you, Buddy.

_**I'm a four-flusher. A swindler.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Damn brat, You win, I give the fuck up."

"Took you long enough! Hey Vinnie, want to go out for some ice cream? We can spend all the gil I just won on it!"

"I'm sorry Yuffie, I have places to be."

"That's alright." Crack a smile. "Maybe next time!"

_**I'm a four flusher. A pretender.**_

_A/n: If you didn't get the last part. Yuffie's pretending not to care._


	10. Fool's Paradise

_**Fool's paradise**_

_**-**_

**State of illusory happiness.**

Another hot day in Edge, and Vinnie is in almost all black leather with a heavy red cloak on. He must be dying.

"Hey, Vinnie. How about that ice cream?"

"…"

"Come on! You have got to be hot in all that leather. We'll just quickly go down the street to that ice cream cart, and come back here and eat it. How about it? Please?"

"As you wish."

"Oh. My. Gosh. Did I just see the corner's of your mouth move in the teeniest fraction of a centimeter upward? DID YOU JUST SMILE?"

"…"

"You aren't denying it so you did! Hehe. Well, come on we better hurry up and get that ice cream, before it's ALL gone."

"Alright, Yuffie."

_**This can't be real. I'm in a fool's paradise.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"How do you like that rocky road, Vin-Vin?"

"It's lovely, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't refer to me as 'Vin-Vin' in public."

"So, you're saying I can call you Vin-Vin any other time except for when we're in public?"

"No, I know you're going to call me it anyway, I'd just prefer if it wasn't in public." He says.

"Alrighty, Vince. Now don't you feel better in all that leather with some ice cream to cool you down?" I ask.

"Quite." He says.

"Hey Vince, are we friends?"

"..."

"Oh yeah, well what's with the smirk?" I ask

"We've been friends since our travels."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. You didn't know?" He asks.

"No I knew. I just wanted to make sure." I answer.

_**This really can't be real. I'm in a fool's paradise.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Today's been crazy, Vince has been really nice. When I say really nice, it's almost like a dream. He went out with me, well who wouldn't I am the **Great** Ninja Yuffie after all. But that's beside the point. Vince, Vin-Vin Mr. freaking Vincent Valentine. I have no fun, I don't believe in smiling or wearing anything besides the colors black and red; went out with me, Yuffie Kisaragi, the greatest ninja ever, all chipper and happy all the time always loud and uncoordinated, for ice cream. This isn't happening. I'm going to wake up, in my bed, with a smile on my face. The sheets thrown every which way, and I'll wish that this day was real.

"Yuffie?"

"Huh?"

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine Vinnie. But I think this is a dream, so you aren't real." I say.

"A dream… what makes you think that?" He asks.

"Because, you went out with me for ice cream, like you, the lord of gloom and doom would ever do that. No offense. But you aren't real. This isn't happening, and I'm going to wake up."

"I don't think this is a dream Yuffie."

"Yeah well prove it." I say.

"Fine."

He' getting Awfully close, 5 bucks says this is where I wake up.

_**I'm in a fool's paradise**_

Or maybe not… I watch him walk up the stairs to his room, my hand on my cheek. It's tingling; I can still feel his lips.

_**Or maybe not**_


	11. Forbidden Fruit

_**Forbidden Fruit**_

_**-**_

**Anything tempting but prohibited.**

_A/n: 71 reviews. Holy cow, I love you guys. Not really much to say except. Thank you! And have a good read. Some of you may think Vince is OOC because he talks a lot right? Well, to me Vincent just says what's needed to be said. If things are obvious and he thinks people can figure things out, he's not going to say anything. So that's why I think he doesn't talk that much. Because he doesn't go around saying anything. He says important things._

I still say last night was a dream… an extremely **_realistic_** dream. But from the way my cheeks still tingling it wasn't. I've been in a daze all day; I've messed up on 6 different orders. Tifa said I could take the day off so here I am… staring at him. If he's noticed or not I can't really say. I want to go over there and sit with him. Talk to him about last night if it meant anything or not. But I'm afraid, of what he might say and what I might do. If I were to talk to him I'd have to look at his, lips. Then I'd have the urge to kiss him, and I doubt I'd be able to control myself. Which would put me in quite the awkward situation. So I will sit here, and stare, to my hearts content.

_**He's like a forbidden fruit.**_

**X-X-X-X**

I really can't help myself now. Every time I close my eyes I see him. No matter how many times I roll over, or how many times I sigh and pull my sheets up higher. I. Still. See. Him. He seems so untouchable also. So pale, so gorgeous, so far away. It's driving me nuts. Not that I mind seeing him, mind you. It's just hard to sleep when he's on your mind all the **freaking **time. Let's think of something scary, Cid in a pink man thong… Ugh, I'm not getting to sleep now. Definitely. Oh gross I think I'm going to vomit.

_**He's like a forbidden fruit. **_

**X-X-X-X**

I come down here to get a break from Vin-Vin and here he is. Reading a book in that big comfy chair that I pass out on sometimes. Maybe if I'm lucky he won't have noticed I'm here and I can sneak up stairs again.

"Yuffie."

Or not.

"Hey Vince, what are you doing up so late? Don't you need your beauty sleep?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"You know you could just say you don't want to answer the question. Oh well I don't mind. Really though, what're you doing up?"

"Reading and you?"

"Got someon- err thing on my mind." I say.

"May I inquire as to who this person is?" he asks, reverting his whole entire attention to me now. Oh damn him and his sexy eyebrows.

"Uh, I guess you could say it's someone you know…"

"…"

"dotdotdot."

"Well are you going to continue, or shall we play 20 questions?" he asks.

"Um, he's tall."

"Most males are."

"…He has eyes."

"Lots of humans do." He says.

"Yeah well, once I met this blind guy, who was born blind. So yeah." I say

"Go on."

"Um, no. I forgot, his… err, name."

"Am I going to have to ask you again?"

"Heh, you know you're kind of scary. But I'm the **GREAT** ninja Yuffie. So, Nyuk. Nyuk. Nyuk. I'd like to see you try and threaten me again."

"…"

"If you think that whole 'looming-over-and-glaring-threateningly-down-at-me' thing is going to work you're wrong." I say.

"…then you leave me no choice." He says.

"Whoa what're you think you're doing! Are you seriously going to shoot me!"

"If it comes to that."

"um, hisfirstinitalandlastinitalarethesame." I mumble.

"What was that?" he asks.

"His first initial and last initial are the same!"

"…that could be half the population of Kalm, Yuffie."

"Gawd! It's you, Mr. Vincent Valentine, you are on my mind. You are the forbidden fruit that plagues me."

"Forbidden?"

_**He's like a forbidden fruit.**_

"There's nothing forbidden about me." A smirk and a kiss on the hand.

_**He's like a not-so-forbidden fruit.**_

_A/n: Yey. Fluff. Next phrase is **forty winks. **Or **against the grain. **Vote._


	12. Forty Winks

_**Forty Winks**_

_**-**_

**A short nap**

_A/n: Some of you may think Vince is OOC because he talks a lot right? Well, to me Vincent just says what's needed to be said. If things are obvious and he thinks people can figure things out, he's not going to say anything. So that's why I think he doesn't talk that much. Because he doesn't go around saying anything. He says important things. With that done. Thanks to all you reviewers. Someone added me to a C2 and it made me HAPPY :D I adore you reviewers. SQUEEE! Now on with the chapter. Have a great read._

Here I am, in Kalm. In Vinnie's house, yes, Vinnie's house. How did I get here? Well, the bar was really boring so, I went traveling you know, getting ready to go rob people across the world. Spreading fear into the hearts of everyone as they shudder at the name The **GREAT** Ninja Yuffie Kisaragi. It was pretty dark outside though, and I was about to go off across the great plains to that one ranch. Then Vince showed up. He was like all 'dotdotdot' at first. But then he said something about how I shouldn't travel at night. Then I said I'd be fine, but he gave me 'that look' and I caved and said I'd stay at the inn. But then he was like, no worries you can crash at my place. … Well he didn't say that word for word. The words 'you, can, at, and my' are the only actual original Vinnie stuff. But you catch my drift. So here I am, in his house, at 12 in the morning, and I'm thirsty. I can't just go wake him up and be like hey I'm thirsty. But I can't just go down and get any water. Because, he's asleep down there. I can see him from my place here, on the stairs. Who knew that Vinnie slept? I mean really, you'd think after 30 years of it he wouldn't need anymore.

"Yuffie."

It's creepy how he does that.

_**Forty winks. If you blink you'll miss it.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Okay let's try this again. I'm really thirsty. And after he did the whole "Yuffie" thing with his eyes closed, I totally ran up the stairs and into the room I'm supposed to be staying in. It's been an hour. He should've fallen back asleep… right? Right. Luckily Vinnie's house is rather new, so no squeaky steps. Sneak, Sneak, Sneak. Wow, Vince is really sexy when he's asleep. He looks so… un-Vince-like. No scowl placed on his pale features. His brows aren't knitted together in deep though. He's also not wearing his cloak. Gosh he's attractive. And I mean super attractive.

"Yuffie."

Opse. I was starring.

_**Forty winks. if you blink you'll miss it.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Third times the charm Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Getting this damn cup of water is going to happen even if it's the last thing I do. Maybe I should try knocking Vinnie out. That way I can stare at him all night and get a glass of water. But where will I get sleeping gas? Oh, where are my ninja supplies when I need them? Arg, concentrate Yuffie, you have a mission. And that is to get some damn water. You can't let things like Vinnie's with out cloaks on distract you. Yeah. Ohhhh yeah. Maybe if I run really fast I won't notice him. Yeah I'll do that. Already ready, set… GO! Alright! I made it.

"Yuffie."

ACK! I've been caught, the lights blind my eyes. What's in his hand? Oh gawd. please don't be Cerberus. Oh, it's just a cup of water.

"Thanks Vince. You're a real pal."

_**Forty winks. If you blink you'll miss it.**_

_A/n: More in character Vinnie. I'm happy you should be too :D_


	13. Against the Grain

**_Against the grain_**

_**-**_

**Against the natural order of things.**

_A/n: After some annoying Social Studies homework, I've fallen gotten around to writing. I enjoy all of your reviews, you're all amazing. And those of you who take your time to review, you have no idea how much I appreciate it. THANK YOU! Have a great read. Since I did some fluff last chapter a bit of angst, but kind of fluffy angst, if that makes sense at all._

There's nothing better than watching Vinnie when you're bored. Well, duh, because he's hawt. But if you watch him, study him. You can learn so much about him. He's really an interesting person. He doesn't say things unless they need to be said. He speaks with facial expressions more than actual words also. Like when he raises his eye brows a certain way, he's asking a question. When they're furrowed and together, he's thinking. When he's scowling he's thinking of his dead chick, or angry at Hojo or Cloud for being dumb. You see you can learn a lot about Vinnie just by watching him. He never ages, He never changes. He's probably always going to be here.

_**He's Against the Grain.**_

**X-X-X-X**

You may not be able to tell, but that claw of his, is fake. I asked him, he even said it was fake. I've even seen his real arm before. It's all pale; you can tell he never takes it off. I told him he should put some fake tanner on it, he just scowled. I think he wears it to remind himself that he's a monster. That he can't be human. I wonder if I lick it, he'll take it off. But then again, think about all the places it's been. Gross, he should take that thing off. Get it sterilized or something. He has real feet also. The pointy things just make them look huge. He never shouts, he never pouts.

_**He's Against the Grain.**_

**X-X-X-X**

You can get lost in his eyes. They shine brighter when he's in a good mood. They tend to dull when he's thinking of his dead chick or in a bad mood. They aren't dull that much anymore. Maybe it's my imagination but whenever I talk to him he seems to have this certain gleam in his eyes that aren't there any other time. I hope it's not my imagination. But you never know it could be the lights, or the angle. He's a lot taller than me. I have to stand on my tip toes to come up to his nose. He also has the best a-

"Yuffie."

"Err, yeah?"

"It's impolite to stare." He says.

"Who said I was looking at you smarty pants?" I ask.

"…" Eyebrow raise.

He's never changing.

_**He's Against the Grain and I love it.**_

_A/n: Kind of short but you know what. I think if I wrote longer chapters, it wouldn't have the same affect. So too bad._


	14. Aladdin's Cave

_**Aladdin's Cave**_

_**-**_

**A place full of valuable things.**

_A/n: so my birthday's this Saturday, so, updates will probably slow down to nonexistent. By Sunday I should be updating again, I hope. If I haven't exploded from cake intake. Have a good read. _

It occurred to me yesterday, I haven't been to my house in about oh 4 months or so. I have lots of materia in there. I had a nightmare last night that someone stole all of it. It was so HORRIBLE. The **GREAT** Ninja Yuffie Kisaragi might as well be dead if she doesn't have her materia. So, I've decided to go visit my house, and all my cats that are probably dead… Oh gross. This time I didn't just run off, I thoroughly explained in my letter. And it read 'Off to Wutai to save kittens. Yuffie'. See perfectly obvious what I'm going to do. I have to be careful here, I mean it's Kalm after all; the chances I'll run into Vinnie are sli-

"Yuffie."

"Do you have a sixth sense? That's like a Yuffie detector sense?"

"Not that I recall." He says.

"Heh, that's funny. Because I swear whenever I don't want to be found by you, I am." I say.

"Cloud called."

"Figures."

"Said something about you 'saving kittens'..."

"Yes you see that's what I plan to do; I have to go feed my cats."

"…"

"Don't look at me like that I'm serious. You want to come with me to make sure that's all I do? Be my guest."

"…alright."

"Yeah well come on, we have to get to that ranch and borrow Cloud's chocobos and hurry to Wutai. My materia is in danger." I say.

"…I thought we were going to save kittens." He says.

"You want to save kittens?"

"…"

"Hah I'm kidding we'll do that anyway. But we've got to hurry so come on Vince, I'll race you."

_**Off to Aladdin's Cave. **_

**X-X-X-X**

So, we're on the outskirts of Wutai. That last three days have been… interesting. For a lack of a better word. Killing monsters, riding gold chocobos, Vinnie's never ending "dotdotdot's" I thought I was done for a number of times. But here we are. We made it. Now all we have to do is sneak into town with out anyone noticing. Yeah, I don't think they're very happy with me right now. I sort of am their princess. I also sort of ran away in the middle of the night to never return. Heh, wow, I hope they don't have pitch forks.

"So, how about you wait here, while I go and check on my cats and grab all of my materia, alrighty?"

"No."

"Wait what? What do you mean no?! GYAH YOU JERK! You picked a nice time to not want to be alone."

"I must accompany you to make sure you get your materia and… save the kittens. Nothing else."

"What you don't trust me?"

"…" Scowl.

"Jeez I get it. Well come on, you have to be covert like and stuff. I hope you know how to be quiet in those metal toed boots of yours." I say.

"I'm quite adept in these shoes." He counters.

"Yeah whatever come on let's go."

_**Off to Aladdin's Cave. Oh what wonder's we'll find.**_


	15. According to Cocker

_**According to Cocker**_

_**-**_

**In a manner that is correct, accurate or Reliable.**

_A/n: so I got a review about how, I could go more in depth with my chapters. I really appreciated your review but I like the way I write. I leave it up to you, the readers to imagine what's happening. Plus this is supposed to be as if you're Yuffie, I doubt she'd go greatly in to depth about what she's looking at. I don't always write like this though, most people who read FF7 fan fiction have played the game or experienced the world so I don't really have to explain anything. Anyway, I don't know, this past summer I started writing like this. Letting readers come to realize what's happening by someone's thoughts. I don't know how it started It just did. I've been stuck writing this way ever since. This horribly long author's note is over and have a great read. _

We're back from Wutai now, after procuring all of my materia, and saving some kittens. Yeah, picture this, Vinnie climbing up a tree to save a kitty. Too bad that didn't happen, I was the one climbing up a tree after one of my little kitties. His name is Gumby and he's the only cat I brought back with me. Hah. About the whole Vin-Vin up a tree thing? Ah, that was a dream. A very funny dream, I woke up laughing. And He looked at me like I was crazy. Then we road back to that ranch on Cloud's golden chocobos. Walked all the way to Kalm, Vinnie insisted he accompany me back to Edge like I'm going to run off or something. So now we're here. In Tifa's Bar, just sitting here. Gumby's on the bar and I can't help but smile at how cute he is. You should see him. Adorable to the max. I wonder if Vinnie wants to know why I woke up laughing… lets pique his curiosity.

"Hey Vince, you want to know why I was laughing?"

"…" Quirked eyebrow.

"You know when I woke up, if I told you I'm sure even you'd giggle. But the trick is, I'm only going to tell you if you ask me to."

"…" scowl.

"It was really funny. So funny like, you could die from it. I mean you were in it after all."

"Do it."

"Do what?" I ask.

"Yuffie." He says.

"Vince."

"I… want to know…"

"About what?" Blink innocently.

"…" glare.

"Jeez Vince I can't read your mind alright?"

"I… want to know… about your dream."

"Oh you were just climbing up a tree to save a kitten from a horrible death."

"…" a slight smirk.

_**According to Cocker Vincent likes cats.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Gumby ran away, can't really blame him though. If I was him I'd run away too, after what Marlene did to him. I got a letter from Wutai; Pops says he wants me to come home. Bah the only way he knew I was there was when he went to try and steal my materia stash it was gone. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk sucker. About Valentine's Day, of course I wish Vince would stay, he said he's leaving the 12th to go back to his house. That's in two days. I guess I don't really have time to set him and I up. Operation V-day shall involve getting Tifa and Cloud together, as like an actually couple. Not some friends with benefits. Yeah I know eww a mental picture. But anyway, Operation V-day shall start. I only have two day's so it's time to kick it into over drive.

"Hey Tifaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"Yes, Yuffie?"

"What kind of stuff do you like for V-day?"

"Candles, roses, candies, those hearts and tho-"

"Alright I get it."

Yes rude I know, but if I didn't stop her, she could have gone on… **FOREVER.** And I, the **GREAT** ninja Yuffie Kisaragi, do not have all day.

_**According to Cocker Tifa's favorite holiday is Valentine's Day.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Step one has been completed. Find out what Tifa likes. On to step two which is a bit harder. Find out what Cloud likes.

"Please leave a message after the tone."

"Hey Cloud this is important, you know? IMPORTANT! I need to know what you like for Valentine's Day so I can like, set you and Tifa up. Man I know you so want to be more than friends with her, I need your help. I can't freaking set you guys up if I don't know what you like. Kisaragi out."

_6 hours later_

"Yuffie…Whatever you're planning stop. I have a plan of my own. Bye."

_**According to Cocker Cloud's a liar.**_

_A/n: Not so much Yuffentine there. Blah. More next chapter._


	16. Answer to A Maiden's Prayer

_**Answer to a maiden's prayer**_

_**-**_

**Exactly what one desires and if looking for.**

_A/n: nothing to say. Except thanks for the reviews. Have a good read._

I was right, Cloud had nothing planned. But luckily for him, I know what he likes. Big swords and anything that doesn't involve talking or answering his phone. So, I set him and Tifa up on a date. That was a week ago, Cloud's around a lot more now. I have no clue what happened, I tried to spy on them but that didn't really work. I had to watch Marlene and Denzel to make sure they didn't spy. Who knows what they could have been doing. Sure it was just dinner, but, I've seen TV. Vince left just like he said he would. Which is why I'm going to his house right now, to give him all these cookies Tifa baked. When she's happy she bakes, so I guess that means the date with Spike went well. But also there are some 160 cookies here. I doubt Vince can eat all of these. I doubt he's even going to eat one. But, I wanted to see him so it doesn't really matter.

"Yuffie."

"Are you sure you don't have a Yuffie sense? Cause it's really starting to creep me out how you can always find me."

"…positive."

"Yeah well, Tifa wanted me to bring you these cookies she made."

"…" Eyebrow raise.

"You know, you eat them?" Damn these things are good.

"I know very well what cookies are for, Yuffie."

"Yeah well you were looking at me weird, Vin." I say.

"I apologize." He says.

"Are you going to take these cookies? I mean they're pretty heavy."

"I'll take some, but I insist you take half."

"Yeah well half is 80 cookies. Do you want me to get fat?!"

"…"

"I mean you're the stick here buddy, you could use some meat on those bones." I say.

"Would you be as kind to accompany me to my house and eat **some** of these cookies? For not even **I** could eat 160 cookies on my own." He says

"Awe Vin, you're so sweet. I bet you're the only person you'd invite in your house to have cookies right?"

"...No, you're just the only one convenient currently."

"Such a _gentleman_."

"…" smirk.

_**Answer to a Maiden's prayer.**_

**X-X-X-X**

I'm stuffed; I just ate some 20 cookies. I've never had so many cookies in my life. And I thought motion sickness was bad. Urk.

"Are you alright?" he asks.

"Yeah…. GYAH! You're still eating those damn cookies?! How can you eat so many? I had 20 and I'm about to barf."

"As you said I'm 'a stick'."

"That still doesn't explain your never ending stomach."

"Part of Hojo's… _alterations._"

"Really?!"

"…No." Smirk.

"Wow, you're a good liar, Vince. Even better than me, the** GREAT** Ninja Yuffie."

"You're gullible."

"Shut up."

"…"

"Ugh gross you're still eating those damn cookies."

_**Answer to a Maiden's prayer.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"It's getting late." I say.

"Indeed." He says.

"I'm going back to Edge; see you around Vin-Vin. Try answering your phone ever millennium you might learn something."

"…"

"Joke."

"hm."

"Yeah, whatever Vin, see you around Bud."

"…" A nod.

So here I am, walking. The sunset's really pretty. Today was pretty funny, who knew Vince could eat so much. I sure as hell didn't. I mean damn he ate 80 some cookies. He seriously had me going with that alterations deal. It'd be like Hojo to do something sick like that. It just gives me the shivers thinking about when we faced him on top of the mako canon. I never want to remember that day as long as I live. It's really nice outside, the wild wolves and dogs aren't really attacking people any more. After I took out that whole entire pack they learned their lesson. …I miss Vinnie, It hasn't even been 5 minutes and I already miss him. I'm pathetic really. But I don't care.

_**He's the answer to my prayer.**_

_A/n: Vincent's birthday is on the 13th of October. In like 7 days so I was thinking on his birthday of writing a chapter from his POV. Tell me if you like the idea or not._


	17. As Sure As Eggs Is Eggs

_**As sure as eggs is egg**_

_**-**_

**Absolutely certain.**

_A/n: so on Vincent's birthday I'll write something from his point of view. And, I'll try not to butcher him. But I've been pretty happy of keeping him in character so far. So here's this chapter. Only chapter today, sorry. Cid's in this chapter so cursing. If that offends you, don't read. _

When I first saw him, yeah I thought he was a bit creepy. He was in a _coffin _and that metal arm of his looked like a real one. I wanted to run out of that creepy mansion and get as far away from it as I could. But then he opened his eyes. Sure they're red, but they have this sort of… I don't know softness in them. Definitely not vampire eyes.

"Hey Yuffie."

"Yeah Denzel?"

"Is Vincent a vampire?"

"…"

"He is, isn't he?"

"NO! Gyah kid, if he was a stinkin' vampire he'd of sucked your blood by now."

"So I'm a vampire also!"

"NO! He hasn't sucked your blood. I mean if Vinnie was a vampire, I'd be one to."

"So you're a vampire?"

"NO! Okay. Read my lips. Vincent Valentine is **NOT** a vampire. Like the **GREAT** Ninja Yuffie would hang out with a vampire hah."

"You're a great ninja?"

"GYAH!"

_**As sure as eggs is eggs.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Stupid Denzel doubting my ninja…ness. Who's uses shuriken besides ninjas? I think he's starting to take after Cloud. Which would be pretty horrible. I bet you anything he'll stop answering phones. Oh Cloud you are such a bad influence.

"Yuffie, Vincent called. He told me to thank you for helping him eat some of those cookies. Except with you know less words and more silence."

"Okay… thanks. Did he say when his next visit is?"

"He said he'd stop by today.

"Thanks Tifa!"

Yes, Vince is coming today so I can prove he isn't a vampire. We can also play 20 questions… in the dark… at night. Yes I'm hoping something will happen.

_Later_

"He's a fuckin' vampire."

"No he isn't. Cid those cigarettes are leaking into your brain."

"Naw, he's a fuckin' vampire."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Have you ever seen him sleep?" he asks.

"Yeah." I say.

"…you slept with a vampire?"

"NO! NONONONONO! I've seen him sleep though."

"If you weren't sleeping with him when?"

"On our trip's to save the world. You never saw him sleep because you always got first watch. Or you passed out."

"And you were watching the fuckin' vampire. Hahaha."

"I hope you get brain cancer and die old man."

"Anyway, you guys found him in a fuckin' god damn coffin right? Plus look at those red eyes. The man's one of my best friends, but he's a fuckin' vampire." He says.

"Yeah well have you seen him bite any one? Better yet have you seen any fangs in that mouth of his?" I counter.

"He doesn't need any damn fangs. He's got those beasties in his head."

"They're gone now. Remember? Well Chaos is anyway."

"Yeah whatever girlie. You're just stickin' up for your fuckin' vampire boyfriend."

"HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!"

_**As sure as eggs is eggs.**_

_A/n: Short one today. Later I might make this longer but for now this is all you get. :P_


	18. All My Eye and Betty Martin

**_All my eye and Betty Martin_**

_**-**_

**Nonsense.**

_A/n: Thanks to reviewers. And everyone who wished me a happy birthday it was great besides the fact that I'm sick. Well here's your chapter for today. And I'm going to that thing on Vincent's birthday. Have a good read._

"What's your favorite color?"

"…red."

"…You know you're supposed to ask me a question next, right Vince? That's why it's called 20 questions." I say.

"Yes, I'm well aware Yuffie, I'm thinking. What… is your favorite…"

"Favorite?"

"Kind of materia?"

"OH! That's easy! Summon materia of course! My turn, when's your birthday!"

"October 13th. When's yours?"

"November 20th. Um, how many questions have I asked so far?"

"19 and it's my turn."

"NO FAIR!"

"You just asked a question."

"Humph. Whatever." I say.

"White chocolate or dark chocolate?" he asks.

"White. What about you mister?"

"Milk."

"Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. I knew you liked cats!"

_**All My Eye and Betty Martin.**_

**X-X-X-X**

I didn't play 20 questions with Vince in the dark, but we did play 20 questions. His birthday's coming up. He's like what 60 or something? Do you know how many times I get to punch him? Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. I'm excited. Maybe I can throw him into a wall or something. Nah, that'd probably kill him. This is giving me an idea for a new operation… operation throw Vinnie a surprise party. Hahahahaha.

"Yuffie, you're making the I'm-plotting-against-you-face again."

"Yeah well, Vince you're making the I-like-to-brood-because-I'm-so-freaking-cool-face again."

"…"

"brood, brood."

"Yuffie."

"Dotdotdot."

"Stop that."

"BROODY brood brood."

"…Yuffie."

"That's the fourth time you've pulled your gun on me this month. What if you actually shoot me huh?" I ask.

"…"

"Whatever. I stood up for you when Cid was calling you a vampire, and you pull your gun on me. A real gentleman you are."

"…Vampire?"

"Yeah. You know those undead people that suck blood, hate sunlight and sleep in coffins."

"Ah."

"I'll leave you to your brooding now, broody Mc brood."

"…" Scowl.

"My point exactly."

"…What?"

"I have no clue, but I must run! The whirl wind of life calls to the **GREAT** ninja Yuffie Kisaragi. Good day ol' chap."

_**All My Eye and Betty Martin.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"So if Vincent isn't a vampire then what is he?"

"Denzel… can this wait till later. Do you see this face? This is my scheming face I'm plotting."

"…Better call Cloud."

"No you don't! I'm planning for Operation T.V.A.S.P."

"T.V.A.S.P.?"

"Throw Vinnie a surprise party DUH!"

"Are you going to give him birthday bumps?" he asks.

"Yes. About 60 or something. I might just do 80 for fun." I say.

"I'm calling Cloud."

"I'd like to see you try."

_1 minute and 36 seconds later._

"merf!"

"What was that Denzel? I can't hear you with that gag in your mouth."

"mergft!"

"Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. I love being a Ninja."

_**All My Eye and Betty Martin.**_

_A/n: this whole entire chapter has been nonsense. Thus why, I gave it the phrase All my Eye and Betty Martin. Alas, if you'd like to see a phrase tell me! I'm running out of them fast. Thanks reviewers. Vinnie's birthday is in 5 days SQUEE!_


	19. Apple of One's Eye

**_Apple of One's Eye_**

_**-**_

**A cherished person or thing.**

_A/n: for this story to coincide with Vincent's birthday, let's just say months have passed since February. It's now magically October. Alright? Alright. Sorry if this chapter is weird; two pull muscles and whooping cough and honors social studies homework. I'm busy, but just a little bit. Have a good read and thank you reviewers. Chapters shall slow down I'm afraid. I got bored and starting playing FF7 again. Oh pixel - ey cloud how I love thee. **ALSO NOTE the throwing vinnie into a wall last chapter was in fact not my idea. It was Black-Dragon-Rock's.**_

Vinnie, birthday, five days in counting. Marlene did call Cloud though, but not on my plan to throw Vince a party, on the fact that I tied up Denzel. That sure made him rush home. I'm not a pedophile, alright? That's Vinnie's job. Anyway, Cloud doesn't know about the party, because knowing him he'd call Vincent and warn him. So, only Tifa, Cid, Marlene, Denzel, and I know. Oh and Shelke. She heard me mumbling to myself and wanted in. I'm trying to be nice, I really am. It's just really hard. The party is going to be here, at the bar. Um, I'm going to like call him and tell him it's on fire or something to get him to come here. Then we'll all hide, then jump out from somewhere, and yell surprise… wait let's rethink this. Vinnie with a gun, people jumping out in the dark, ohh this is a bad idea indeed. We would get shot to death before we could explain. So scratch that plan. We'll tell him…

"Yuffie."

"Yeah Tifa?"

"Are you going to stop spilling beer all over the bar, yet?"

"Err, sorry. I'll clean it up."

"While your at it go take Vincent's order he just walked in."

"Alrighty."

_**Apple of One's Eye.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"So Vince, I was wondering if you were planning to stop by this Friday."

"No Yuffie I wasn't, should I?"

"Yes! Of course, no one should be alone on Fridays it's a new rule." I say.

"..."

"That I made up, because I was really bored and Denzel's social studies homework was really hard and I had to help him."

"Ah."

"I know, I live such a interesting life. How's your job working for ya? All that male modeling."

"…"

"Joke."

"It's been… alright." He says.

"Reeve still calling you up to do his dirtayy work when it comes to the WRO?" I ask

"…yes."

"Why don't you just say 'no'? That's what I started doing."

"…not what I heard."

"Yeah you're right I annoyed the hell out of him, so he'd never call me again. Heh, it worked too."

"I wonder why."

"Oh I see how it is. Well see ya broody, I've got customers to serve."

"Yuffie…"

"Brood."

"I'm… not brooding." He says.

"Joke. Say Vinnie… how old are you?" I say.

"…63." Why?

"Just curious, I made a bet with Denzel on how old you were."

"I'm honored you'd use my age as something to make profit off of."

"Yeah me too."

**Apple of One's Eye.**

_A/n: Short. But I have homework and muscles to stretch out. So review and yeah enjoy. 87? I have no clue where I got that _

_I'm considering the 30 years he slept. And the like 3 years of advent children and whatnot._


	20. As old as Methuselah

_**As old as Methuselah**_

_**-**_

**Extremely old.**

_A/n: Happy birthday VINNIE! Yes the 13th of October is Vincent Valentine's birthday. Wish him a happy birthday and watch Advent children and play DoC over again for his sake. I'll try to write as Vincent and I'll probably fail; ; sorry. **Also imagine things italics being thought/said sarcastically. **_

…Where is that infernal ringing coming from? Oh, yes it's my _phone. _

"…Yuffie."

"Hiya Vince! Its Friday just wanted to let you know you have to come by the bar today because I said so. If you don't, I'll hate your guts and steal all your materia and guns alright? See ya Vin-Vin."

"Yuffie…"

"Please Vince; I won't stop calling you unless you come."

"…Fine. Good bye."

"Bye brood."

What a peculiar girl, calling me at two in the morning to make sure I stop by on a Friday. A perfectly normal Friday… She's definitely planning something. How dare she call me brood. I do not _brood_… Brooding is for Cloud.

_**As old as Methuselah**_

**X-X-X-X**

What a _lovely _day, gray clouds that look like they might spill their contents on me any minute. Truly _wonderful_, really. Whatever the case, Yuffie _insisted_ I stop by today, so I _might_ as well honor her wishes. I don't necessarily _loathe_ the girl. She can be… annoying, for lack of a better word. I have no idea of what she sees in me. No idea at all. When she came to see me at the cave I was… _surprised._ I never expected her, to come. Maybe a call from Cid, or Cloud who was in the area, but not Yuffie. But what can you expect from a _great_ ninja I suppose. It's amazing how kids can still be out on such a horrible day, chance of rain almost certain. When I was little my father always told me to come in when there was any chance of rain. How old I'm becoming.

"Hey Mister!"

"Mister?"

"Yeah you."

"Hm."

"You're part of Avalanche right?"

"Yes."

"Could you tell me the story?"

"Story?"

"You know of your trip!" He says.

"Ask Cloud. He knows all of it. Plus I must be somewhere. I'm… sorry." I say.

"Oh… alright. Bye Mister."

Mister… I feel so old.

_**As old as Methuselah.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

"So you were planning something."

"No I wasn't! You should have known. It's your birthday after all Vin-Vin."

"I suppose."

"What do you mean 'I suppose.'"

"I could have lied."

"Y-you didn't lie about your birthday right?!"

"Sadly… no."

"Phew you scared the crap out of me Vince."

"Exactly."

"Oh shut up and put on this party hat."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"I told you already the whole death-glare-and-loom-above-thing doesn't work."

"…"

"But Death penalty does… hehe. Come on Vince! Didn't you ever wear these when you were a kid? Didn't you like them?!" she asks.

"Maybe. It was a long time ago…" I say.

"Ok whatever brood."

"I. Do. Not. Brood."

"Sure ya do. Anyway we can't open gifts or presents yet since Cid's going around picking everyone up. So it's just me and you till later. But I'll give you your present now if you ask nicely… birthday boy."

"…What did you get me?" I ask.

"Oh, you'll see. I guess, I just thought you might want it without everyone else around. It's sort of… embarrassing." She says.

"Give it to me I'll be rid-"

"Alright."

"…"

"Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Your other present you can open tonight, happy birthday, birthday **boy.**"

She… kissed me. I may be old, but I'd live forever to be with her. Annoying brat.

_**As old as Methuselah.**_

_A/n: Extremely hard to write. I took me a while to get into Vincent's mind. Since I'm similar to Yuffie in ways. But not even close to Vincent. Hope it's alright. Happy birthday Vincent!_


	21. Artful Dodger

_**Artful dodger**_

_**-**_

**Crafty person, especially someone engaged in crime.**

_A/n: I don't think you need to be told this one's about Yuffie. I'm glad all of you liked the last chapter. It was too hard to write!_

Vincent's party was a complete success. Even Shelke couldn't have ruined it. I know amazing. Anyway, I'm tired of being in this bar. I'm going to go out and embrace the world like I use to. Except this time I won't get caught by Cid. I'll also enjoy stealing from all the tourists. So, operation go out and steal stuff commences. I should pack my ninja gear this time. You know shuriken, smoke bombs, rope, and kunai. A cell phone isn't really ninja gear but I'll pack it anyway. It has crime deterrent after all. Man I love you ring tone. No seriously I do a chocobo's mystic life.

"Hello."

"Hello Yuffie."

"Oh… Hi Reeve. What's shaking?"

"I was wondering if stop by the WRO head quarters today to help with some things."

"Things? What kind of things?"

"There's some ruins we found, there seems to be a lot of materia in there. I'd thought maybe you and Vincent could go have a look around."

"Reeve you know me too well! I'm there!"

"Alright I'll see you at head quarters."

So much for going out and embracing the word. That can wait. Materia! Not just materia OLD materia. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.

_**Artful dodger.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"So Vince, who goes in first?"

"I will."

"Good cause this place is creepy."

"Stay close to me."

"That's a given."

"Really now?"

"Hell yes this place is freaking creepy." I say.

"…"

"Stop smirking at me."

"As you wish."

"Well this is where we split up, I guess." I say.

"So it seems."

"Rendezvous here in an hour?"

"Hn."

Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Sucker I got that materia you picked up before. Sorry Vincent, but you know how much I love materia.

_**Artful Dodger.**_


	22. At one fell swoop

_**At one fell swoop **_

_**-**_

**With a single effort; all at once.**

_A/n: thanks for all the reviews. Sorry about slow updates grand parents came to visit I should be back on track Monday._

This sack is getting really heavy. Who knew materia could weigh this much? So much materia, I could sell the ones I already have and buy new materia. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. This is going to be awesome. It's been an hour time to rendezvous with Vinnie, I guess. I wonder who made these ruins. It's sort of like the temple of the ancients but more water. More green stuff also. But no psychotic killer so yey! Wow I've never heard my stomach growl so loud… I have the sinking feeling this has happened before. Oh yeah… the dogs.

"Nice kitty…"

_**At one fell swoop.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Damn, I hate cats. So here I am, at the rendezvous point. And no Vinnie…

"Hey Vince you can come out now, I know I'm late but I have an excuse. A freaking huge cat attacked me. It was crazy!"

No answer… Vince wouldn't be killed by some cats… would he?! Awe man what he tripped on those pointy shoes of his and fell down a hole. Awe crap!

"Don't worry Vince! The **great** ninja Yuffie Kisaragi is here to save the day! Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk!"

So… if I went that way… he must have gone THAT way. Oh Vince please be alright, I don't want to pick you out of cat crap. That'd be so gross… Gawd just thinking about it makes me want to hurl.

"Vinnie! You can come out now! This isn't funny anymore!"

Gawd, what'd I trip over?! OHMYGAWD! It's Vince's arm! HOLY CRAP! Well… technically it's not his arm, it's his gauntlet but still he never takes that freaking thing off so this must be bad. Eh, please answer your phone Vince. I'm freaking out here.

"Hello."

"REEVE?! What are you doing with Vinnie's phone?

"Ah hello Yuffie. He left it with me."

"You liar! Are you in cahoots with shinra?! Ah I knew you were a traitor."

"…Yuffie."

"You're alive! I thought you got eaten by rabid kitty cats! Oh thank leviathan you're alright! Oh well never mind, bye Reeve."

"Yuffie, are you alright? You look… dreadful."

"Yeah well I tripped over your arm."

"My arm?" he asks.

"yeah you're gauntlet the one that's on your arm right now…" I say

"…"

"Wait a second! If you have your gauntlet then whose is that!?"

"Haven't the faintest." He says

"You aren't the least bit creeped out by that?" I say

"Not at all."

"GAH! whose arm is it then."

"Mine."

"You just said it wasn't yours, Vinnie!"

"…I didn't say that."

"Crap."

_**At one fell swoop.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"So… we got captured by talking kitty cats."

"Sadly yes."

"You'd think after facing Sephiroth we'd be able to take on anything…"

"I think in our stupor caused by shock they got the upper hand and captured us."

"Typical you. If you say anything over 5 words, I can't understand it." I say.

"I try." He says.

"Will the both of you SHUT UP!" It says.

"Sorry." We say.

_**At one fell swoop.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"HEY! Where's Vinnie?!" Gosh damn talking cats won't tell me anything. We were in the same cell but, I guess they realized the potential hazard… or we were just getting annoying. Anyway, now I have no clue where I am. These cat people sure are jerks. Hah I should call Nanaki. Talking dogs, talking cats. They might have a talk off or something. Ah well, sitting here and thinking about all of the things they could call each other seems promising, I have to get to work on these locks. I'm not a ninja for nothing. I'm so glad I brought my ninja gear this time. Wow, that was easy. Now to slip through these bars and find Vince. Owe That hurt. Good thing I'm so skinny though! Now off to find Vinnie! Let's see… right… or left. Eh let's go right. There seems to be more jail cells down this way.

_**At one fell swoop.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Psst. Hey Vince. You alright? I'll pick this lock and have you out of here in no time."

"Yuffie…"

"Yeah?"

"Behind you."

"Eh?"

"…"

"hehe, nice kitty."

"You found our stuff?"

"Yup. Got all my materia back also."

"Ah… nice… work."

"Eh. It's what I'm good at. Now let's get out of here!" I say.

"…" a nod.

_**At one fell swoop, it became clear to me that you're kind of cute.**_

_A/n: A longer one for all of you. _


	23. All that Glitters is not gold

**_All that Glitters is not gold_**

_**-**_

**Appearances are not what they seem.**

_A/N: First day I haven't had homework in a while. I'll try and update as fast as I can because I might get grounded from the computer since there's no way I can bring my math score up in two days. Well thanks reviewers. Also I have no clue how old Marlene or Denzel are. So. Bah. This story is also on 3 C2's now. Squee. I'm happy. And almost 10,000 views. Thanks a lot._

I've had nightmares about talking cats for the last week. That was so creepy. They weren't like cute little cuddly cats; they were like freakin' huge I'm going to eat you cats. Thank leviathan I got all that materia or it so wouldn't have been worth it.

"Hey Yuff."

"Eh, Tifa?"

"Watch Marlene and Denzel for me will ya? I have to go to the store."

"…no… you… aren't going to leave me alone with them are you…?"

"Haha! Don't tell me you're afraid of a 12 year old and 9 year old."

"The **great** ninja Yuffie is not scared of anything. But those children are like… Little demons."

"Don't worry Vincent's coming over also, so he can help you. He'll be here soon."

"…" Vinnie… baby sitting? For some odd reason that is the scariest thing I've ever imagined in my whole entire life.

"Well see ya, Yuff. Be back in an hour or two."

What could she possibly spend buying, for two whole hours? Gawd, this is going to suck.

"Yuffie."

"Yeah Marlene."

"I'm hungry."

"Go eat something."

"I need you to make me something."

"…"

_**All that Glitters is not gold.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Yuffie…"

"THANK LEVIATHAN! You're here, finally! There demon spawn I tell you! DEMON SPAWN! Worse than Sephiroth! Worse than JENOVA! Horrible!"

"…"

"Are you even listening to a word I'm saying, you big palooka!"

"…palooka?"

"Shut up and go help Denzel with history homework. You're old, so you should know things."

"…"

"Joke."

"Do you want to make Marlene some lunch?"

"…I'll be upstairs."

"Good."

Gosh Vince, you're a freaking block head sometimes. I keep cracking these jokes and they go _straight_ over your head.

"Are you and Vincent married?"

"…No. Where would you get a ridiculous idea like that, Marlene?"

"You fight like married people do."

"Just, shut up and sit down. I'll make you something. What do you want to eat?" I ask.

"TACOS!" she says.

"No."

"Macaroni!"

"No."

"WHY NOT?"

"We don't have any smarty pants."

"…"

"Sorry but I'm immune to that puppy dog face. I'll make you some P, B and J alright?"

"…okayyy."

"good. You know you aren't so bad after all."

"Can I have ketchup and mustard on my sandwich instead?"

"I take that back."

_**All that Glitters is not gold.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Marlene, oh how I dislike that child. Who in there right mind wants ketchup and mustard on a sandwich? That sounds so gross. She barely ate half of the damn sandwich, too! I have no clue how Tifa handles this kid. Really. If she was my child I'd slap her upside the head every time she said something totally stupid. That's exactly why I'm not fit to be a mother. I guess I better go check on Vinnie… who knows Denzel might have stabbed him in the eye and tied him up or something weird.

"Hey Vince, you almost done with that homework."

"Yes."

"Hope it wasn't too much of a trouble."

"Not at all. You were right, I did know quite a lot about what he was studying."

"Eh, and what was that."

"Dinosaurs."

"… Did you just crack a joke? No way, Vincent Valentine Doesn't tell jokes. Who are you and where's Vince?" I say.

"People… change." He says.

"Yeah, and gold doesn't always glitter."

"Who knew you could be so deep."

"I did. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk."

"Obviously."

"Eh, you sarcastic prune."

"Well… I must be going."

"Yeah, I have to go tend to the demon spawn. Catch ya later Vince."

"…" A smirk, a nod and a peck on the cheek.

_**All that Glitters is not gold.**_

_A/n: Ah I know, you want them to get together already. But, I have a sinking feeling that once they get together that will be the end of this series. I don't like that idea much. I enjoy writing these as much as you enjoy reading them. I'll just have to find a way to bring this out as long as I can I guess. Well review please._


	24. High and Dry

**_High and Dry_**

_**-**_

**Stranded.**

_A/N: I have like 4 sayings left so. I'll try and find some more, but once I run out, I'm going to be out for a while. School's really starting to take its toll. I'll try and update as often as I can. Well here's high and dry for ya. Minor swearing in this one. Since Cid's in it and Yuffsters going to be mad._

Damn him, damn Cid to hell. Here I am, stuck in the middle of no where. _Stranded._ Damn Reeve also, for sending me out here. I knew as soon as he called today was going to be a bad day. Jeez, I know I'm skilled and all, but I can't be doing this everyday. Walking around on deserted islands are fun and all, until you've been doing it for the past 2 hours and you keep calling your damn pilot and he won't answer his phone. AH I'm going to go all ninja on Cid's ass. Just wait and see, he'll be crying for mercy from the **great** ninja Yuffie Kisaragi any moment now. Really. Well, since I'm going to be here for a while I might as well do some exploring. I should probably climb a tree so I can get a look at my surroundings. Maybe there are some ruins around here with materia. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Score! Reeve doesn't have to know either. Wow, trees and more trees. There's a water fall and over there on that mountain is where Cid dropped me off. No sign of ruins anywhere. Damn. Oh well, materia thieves can't always hit the jack pot. If we did, we'd have so much materia we'd have to stop stealing. And that would _truly _be tragic. Eh so the damn pilot decided to call me, eh? I'll just have to give him a piece of my mind.

"Hey brat."

"Stinky old man."

"Where are ya?"

"On that island."

"…"

"What?"

"I didn't drop you on no island. You hit your head girl?"

"No! What, WHAT! Wait where am I?"

"That's what I was asking you, damn brat you've got issues." He says.

"Now's not the time for that! I have no clue where I am! Are you sure you didn't drop me on a island."

"Naw, I dropped you off near Corel, how the hell did you get on a fuggin' island in the middle of mainland?"

"I have no clue… Wait, You dropped me off on a island I remember. There was water!"

"Eh, Brat are you sure this is a island and you just didn't wander to the sea?"

"Positive. You dropped me off on a freaking ISLAND!"

"Ye- -ever –at…"

"Hey… Cid… Hey you're breaking up!"

"Se- -a"

"NO DON'T HANG UP!"

_**High and Dry.**_

**X-X-X-X**

So, I've been here for up to 4 hours. I tried to call that stinky old man and all I got was static. Hell I even called Cloud, I'm so desperate. If this is one sick person's idea of a joke, I'm going to kill them. With a tissue box… in their sleep. Oh how fun that'll be. Well I found some ruins. They were under some ivy; tons and I mean tons of materia in here. Most materia I've ever seen in my life. Ah, this stupid beach. I always some how end up coming back to it. Holy crap is that the highwind?

"Hey Brat.

"DAMN! Stinky old man! I told you, you dropped me off on a effing island."

"Ah so I did. Can't blame me fuggin' brat. I'm getting old."

"Damn straight. You're so old you were around when the dinosaurs were!"

"Eh? I don't think I'm that old."

"Yeah so what took you so long?"

"Vincent asked me to do him a favor."

"…"

"Yup."

"…WHAT?"

"Yeah he wanted to get you out of Edge for a couple hours. Said something about pay back for hitting him 60 times on his birthday."

"…Oh, it's on."

_**High and Dry.**_

_A/N: Hah. Poor Yuffie. Sorry it's short. My teeth hurt, damn braces. Well have a good read._


	25. Lark About

**_Lark About _**

_**-**_

**Enjoy a piece of fun or mischief.**

_A/N: School is the worst. I hate p.e. I hate running. Eh well, here's a chapter for you guys. Thanks for the reviews. Sorry about the long wait, haven't really felt inspired to write._

Oh, Vinnie I am so getting you back for that one. No matter what, you're going down.

"Hey, Tifa."

"Hm?"

"We got any whipped cream?"

"Yuffie… if this is about getting Vincent back I'm not going to help you."

"Fine."

I'm just going to have to bring you down myself. Operation: bring down Vinnie commence. Oh! I know! I should draw a mustache on his dead chick. Not like she can do anything in that crystal. But wait if someone in her anger she broke out. I don't want zombies coming after me. So scratch that idea. How about I… egg his house? No, to… juvenile. Hmm I wonder if I could get Reeve's help… Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.

_**Lark About.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"So you'll help me then?"

"I helped him so it'd only be fair."

"SCORE! Thanks a lot Reeve, You won't regret helping the **great** ninja Yuffie. If Vince tries to shoot you after, I'll take the bullet for you!"

"Haha. May I ask your plan?"

"Eh, me and him deserted on a desert island. I'm going to pretend to die, or get lost or something."

"Damzel in distress?"

"Exactly. Everyone's going to help even Cloud. This is going to be great."

"Yes well farewell Yuffie. I shall meet with Vincent soon and see you tomorrow morning."

"Bye Reeve!"

Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. I feel so evil.

_**Lark About.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"So, everything's ready?"

"Yeah fuckin' brat. Everything's ready."

"Alright, just curious… how are we going to pretend to crash a airship?"

"There aint no god damn way to _pretend_ to crash an airship. We're gonna crash a airship. That's why were not bringing the Shera."

"…Urk! Old man!"

"Ah quit you're whinning! You want this stupid fuckin' plan to work?"  
"Yess! But you're going to crash a plane!"

"Exactly brat."

"UGH! Whatever. You told one of your pilots to come get us in two days right?"

"Yup two days, if they don't come get us, they're getting speared."

"…Where?"

"In the crotch."

"Ah…"

_**Lark About.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Everything's set up, all the traps are set. Everyone knows which island, and not to answer their phones if anyone calls. Hehe this is going to be perfect. Trapped on a island from a _'plane crash'_ with Cid and I. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.

"Yuffie… you're making that face."

"What face?"

"The one where you're thinking of a way to cause me grief."

"Psh. Jerk."

"…"

"I meant broods-a-lot."

"…Yuffie."

"What?"

"I Do no-"

"Shit sons hold on to your horses! We're going down!"

Urk, nice timing Cid. Gawd don't vomit Yuffie! Whatever you do don't vomit. Especially not on Vincent who is currently under you. If I wasn't about to vomit, I'd be blushing right about now.

_**Lark About.**_

_A/N: Cliffhanger. I'll start the next chapter on the second day. I'm thinking about having some Yuffentine romance/fluff. We'll see what happens. _


	26. Law of the Jungle

**_Law of the Jungle _**

_**-**_

**Rules for surviving or fighting.**

_A/n: Sorry for the delay. I've been really busy lately but thanks for all the reviews. This has some Vincent point of view. But for like a couple sentances._

I have exactly 2 hours 24 minutes and 36 seconds left to make this plan work. Everything I've tried doesn't faze him. Vince is the calmest person in the whole entire world. When the air ship crashed his face was as blank as a new canvas. When I pretended to be bleeding he was freaking calm too. Damn jerk doesn't care about me eh? Where's Cid also? Grimy old man must have gotten eaten. Fear not! Cid I, the **great** ninja Yuffie Kisaragi, shall come to your rescue… after I take a bath in that waterfall first. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.

_**Law of the Jungle.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Wow, this is really relaxing. Deserted island water is really nice and refreshing. A lot better than Edge or Wutai water, that's for sure. I wonder where Vincent went off too. He better not be around here peeping... I mean it's Vince. Would he really be a peeping tom? No, Vincent's to… dignified to do such a thing… or is he! Hehe that giggled… wait… holy…

"CRAP!!"

_Half way across the island_

I wonder where Cid and Yuffie have gone…

"_**CRAP!!"**_

…

_**Law of the Jungle.**_

**X-X-X-X**

That is one big sea monster… deserted island my ass. Ugh Cid you jerk! You said this island was deserted and also didn't have any big scary slime-y things on it! I'm naked, about 5 meters away from my conformer and my clothes. What is a girl to do… ah I'm making a run for it. At least if I die, I won't be naked.

"Yuffie, are you alright?"

"ACK YOU PERVERT!"

"…"

"Stop starring at me and kill the monster gawd! I know I'm hot but contain yourself man!"

"As you wish."

_**Law of the Jungle.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Nasty, old pervert."

"…Yuffie."

"Yeah, I bet you left just hoping to get a glimpse of me naked. Damn perv."

"…Yuffie..."

"I don't even know why I thought I'd enjoy being stuck on a deserted island with you."

"You wanted… to be stuck with me?"

"Well, yeah, at first, some alone time and stuff. Setting up my plan and all."

"…plan?"

"Yeah, it's all ruined now."

"…"

"Whoa… Vince you're beet red. Did you eat some poisonous things or what?"

"…I… had a plan of my own…"

"CHEATER! Don't you know in prank wars you give your opponent a turn to top you, then you prank them back with something better. Jeez you are old."

"…Prank…"

**_Law of the Jungle._**

_A/n: Poor Vinnie thinking Yuffie wanted to seduce him. Tear. That was some fluffy sort of humor. I don't know, I wasn't inspired to write romance. Sorry._


	27. Get Down To Brass Tacks

_**Get down to brass tacks**_

_**-**_

**Deal with basic realities, hard facts or details of immediate practical importance.**

_A/N: I'm still working on a long list of phrases, but I'm getting there. If you'd like go to http:// users . tinyonline . co . uk / gswithenbank / sayingsg . htm (get rid of all the spaces when you put it in your address bar) and tell me which one's you would like to read, it'd be gladly appreciated. Well, on with the story, and thanks to all you reviewers._

That operation backfired, not only did it fail… but Vinnie saw me… naked. Now when ever he comes by, he looks at me weird. I have no clue of what I should say to him. 'Sorry, you saw me naked'. Eh I think I'll go ask Tifa, she's good with guys.

"Hey Tifa!"

"Hmm?"

"Let's just say, this one guy saw this one girl naked. This one girl wants to know what to say to that one guy. Got any ideas?"

"Denzel saw Marlene naked?!"

"NO!"

"Good."

"Are you going to answer my question?"

"Well, Yuff, It depends on the guy. I'm going to need more details."

"He's of the tall, dark and handsome category."

"Oh you mean Vincent saw you naked and you want to know what to say to him. Geez Yuffie, what were you _doing_ on that island for two days?"

"I was trying to make it the worst experience Vince ever had… then he saw me naked…"

"Ah well that explains all the looks he's giving you."

"… looks?"

"Yeah, whenever he comes to the bar he gives it a once over, then if you're usually in here his eyes stay on you for a long time. If you're not here he usually asks where you are."

"…Er… is that good?"

"Well, you're getting attention from someone who doesn't give many people his attention. So, Yeah I guess. As for what you should say to him, just wing it."  
"Wing it?"

"Yup. Wing it."

"Thanks for the advice Tifa."

"Hey here's your chance, he just came in the door."

"… Golly…"

**_Get down to brass tacks._**

**X-X-X-X**

I am so lame. I ran away like an 11-year-old from her parents, when she's in trouble. GYAH! Maybe I should go back… nah. Then it'd be obvious I ran away, for all Vince knows I could have gone out, because I was late or something. No, I need a rock hard alibi. Something as freakin' hard at meteor. AHA! I thought I heard Gumby (her cat she took back from Wutai, that ran away because Marlene dressed it up) in the alley way. So I ran after him. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.  
"Yuffie."

"HOLY CRAP! Gawd, where do you come from? I thought I told you to stop scaring me like that."

"I apologize."

"Ah shut up Vince, what do you want?"

"I came to see you, but you made a quick get away." He says.

"I didn't make a quick get away. I thought I heard Gumby, so I ran out here to look for him." I say.

"…You may be a master of lying to others, but when it comes to me you're quite dreadful."

"Gee… thanks."

"…"

"What? You want to know why I left?"

"…"

"Okay well, I don't if you remember, but you saw me naked. I've been trying to think of something to say to you for the past oh 2 weeks or so."

"…ah."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Scowling doesn't suit you… at all."

"Stop changing the subject brood."

"… I was just curious to as why you were… avoiding me."

"Yeah well, I don't know if back in your day it was perfectly normal to see people naked. But it isn't in this day and age. In fact, it's quite awkward and embarrassing."

"I determined that from your blush."

"Uh huh well, if you excuse me, I think I'm going to go inside the bar, and help Tifa."

"Do you… have a problem with me seeing you naked?"

"Well…since we're just friends, yes I do. Could you not lean so close, to other people it might look like you're leering."

"I see... So all that you said in that cave, was just as friends?"

"um… er… sort of and sort of not."

"…"

"Care to deliberate, Yuffie? Sure why not!(this part is sort of confusing, Yuffie's saying both things, being sarcastic.)You know you could say more than a couple of sentences at a time!"

"…"

"Oh yeah, well… um… I really like you. You're really nice… and…"

"… and."

"The way your pushing me up against this wall is sort of creepy."

"…"

"What? Don't scowl at me broody!"

"…"

"Hey I'm the one spilling my guts here. You tell me why you were staring."

"…"

"Oh I see how it is. It's alright for me to explain my feelings but as soon as it comes to you, you walk away all broody mc brood like. Gee thanks VINCENT!"

_**Get down to Brass tacks.**_

_A/N: This one was sort of really close to them getting together. But, I'm trying to keep it realistic. Next phrases either **fly off the handle **or **Back to square one.** Tell me which one you'd like to read please._


	28. Fly Off The Handle

**_Fly Off The Handle _**

_**-**_

**Lose one's temper.**

_A/N: HAPPY HALLOWEEN: This was supposed to be up earlier but, I went trick-or-treating and was frozen so here's your Halloween-y update. Thanks reviewers._

October 31st… the worst day of the whole entire year. I haven't been able to go trick or treating since I was nine, freaking nine years old. What is up with that? Damn old people, just because I'm not five doesn't mean I can't enjoy candy. In Wutai, if you're lucky one in every ten houses will actually be giving out candy. Yeah I know, Great. Maybe I'm just bitter. But I hate kids, damn demon children.

"Yuffie!"

"NO!"

"please?"

"NO TIFA!"

"Pretty please? I have to go with Marlene and Denzel. All you have to do is answer the door and give out candy."

"This is a freaking bar! Who's going to trick or treat here?!"

"You'd be surprised…"

"DAMN IT! NO TIFA! I hate Halloween!"

"Please Yuffie."

"FINE! GAWD!"

_**Fly Off the Handle.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Trick or Treat!"

"Yeah yeah. Here."

"Only one piece?"

"Yeah you got a problem brat?!"

"…You're mean!"

"Yeah, I'm bitter also."

Damn kids. Damn Halloween. Ding. If that bell doesn't stop ding-ing I'm going to break it. Why are so many kids coming to a bar? Of all places… a freaking BAR! GAWD!

_**Fly Off The Handle.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Yes! Candies all ran out. No more stupid kids and their stupid cost- Ding.

"We're out of Candy, go away."

"…"

"What the hall are you supposed to be a vampire? Or a Vincent imposter?"

"…I am Vincent."

"Sure you are, and I'm Leviathan."

"…Yuffie…"

"Whoa how the hell do you know my name? Freaking stalker go away!"

"Yuff-"

"RAPE!" Thunk.

Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. That's what you get for walking away.

_**Fly Off The Handle.**_

_A/n: Not that good of a chapter but one needed none the less. Yuffie had to get back at him for that. Well Happy Halloween._


	29. Carry the Can

**_Carry the Can_**

_**-**_

_Take the blame._

_A/N: Eh, I don't really feel inspired to use back to square one anymore. I honestly don't think Yuffie would let him get back to his old self. So here it is chapter 29. I've gotten so many reviews for this story, I didn't expect to at all. But thank you and have a good read._

"What did you do?"

"What?"

"To Vincent, Yuffie!"

"I didn't do anything except play a joke on him. He walked away from me!"

"I asked him to come over to keep you company."

"…what? And you didn't tell me?!"

"You seemed so bent on handing out candy so, I called him to persuade you."

"Oh so now he's the one that can persuade me? Vince isn't that persuasive. In fact, he doesn't really talk at all so how is he supposed to persuade me, Tifa?"

"Yuffie, just go apologize to him instead of arguing with me."

"Fine…"

_**Carry the Can.**_

**X-X-X-X**

This blows, really, it does. What a yucky day, can't I come back later? Wait no Yuffie! The **great** ninja Yuffie Kisaragi never backs down, even if it's about apologizing to recluses. Oh woe is me; this is going to be hard. I can play this whole scenario out in my head.

'Hey vince. I'm sorry.'

'…'

Then he slams the door in my face and it starts to rain and I feel like a lost kitty. Oh, Boy. Maybe if I'm lucky he'll find me, with his Yuffie sense. Now, where is his house again? I haven't been here for a while. I think it was… brown… or was it gray? I know it was really plain. Gawd, I'm lost.

_**Carry the Can.**_

**X-X-X-X**

I has to be over here, I've looked everywhere else! All of the houses had flowers over there. I doubt Vince would live in a house with flowers… _yet_. Aha, I remember now! It was the house in the corner. Oh well might as well ring the bell… gosh Vincent what's taking you so long. Answer your freaking door. Ew, it's pouring again! Ack the knobs turning.

"…"

"I'm sorry."

_**Carry the Can.**_

_A/N: And that… was all she wrote… for today of course. :_


	30. Argus Eyed

_**Argus-eyed **_

_**-**_

_Vigilant and observant._

_A/n: So last chapter was really short so here's a long one._

"Apology… accepted."

"Really, Vince? You mean it?! YES!"

"…Yuffie."

"Oh yeah, I forgot your 'no hugs' policy, Ah actually more like 'no physical contact' policy."

"…"

"What? You know you do it! You're just in denial."

"Hn."

"You still haven't told me why you were staring."

"I am a… man?"

"Uh, no duh. Wait a second was that an excuse?! You don't make excuses! IMPOSTER!"

"…Yuffie."

"Okay maybe not. So, let me get this straight. You're a pervert, and that's why you were starring."

"…"

"Jeez don't get so twitchy… just let me ask one thing… do you want to smell my underwear?!"

"..."

"Joke."

"…"

_**Argus-eyed.**_

**X-X-X-X**

I went and apologized to Vince yesterday. It went pretty well… I guess. I mean there were a lot of '…'s at the end. He smirked though, so I guess that means points for the Yuffster.

"By that happy face you're making, I guess he accepted your apology."

"Tifa, can you read minds?"

"More like body language. Well now that you're perky Yuffie again, mind going up stairs and helping Denzel and Marlene with their homework while I man the fort."

"Eh, I'll go baby sit the demon children."

"…Yuffie."

"What? It's true. They're hell spawn."

"Yeah, yeah, get going."

_**Argus-eyed.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Ack, who new algebra could be so freaking hard? Math is the reason I chose ninja as my occupational choice. All you have to do is be able to count and subtract and you're ready to be a full fledge ninja. You also have to be able to lie, cheat and steal, but those can be easily learned. Maybe I should take Denzel under my wing and teach him how to be a scheming ninja, like me. Nah, one me is enough I wager.

"Yuffie Kisaragi."

"…Shelke. How… are… you?"

"Quite wonderful…Just waiting for Vincent Valentine."

"… _really_ now?"

"Yes, he called me yesterday asking to talk to me about something. I wonder what it could _be_."

"Ah, well, I have to go work at the bar so. SEE YA!"

Maybe it didn't go as well as I thought…

_**Argus-eyed.**_

_A/N: Short I know, but I just wanted to get a chapter up. I don't have school Friday so expect a long chapter then. I'll try and make it over 1000 words._


	31. Back Number

**_Back Number_**

_**-**_

**a person or thing that is no longer of importance or use.**

_A/N: Here is your long Friday chapter. Everyone have a good veteran's day._

What are they talking about? If I'm correct Vinnie's Yuffie sense has a wide radius, so I'll just have to be up on the roof. Is there even a way to get on this roof? No, I can't think like that! I will get on the roof of this bar, even if I have to go scale a wall from outside… But hopefully this here building has an attic.

"Tifa!"

"What is it, Yuffie?"

"Do you have an attic? Or a way to get on the roof?"

"…Yuffie, spying on Vincent and Shelke isn't a wise idea."

"I'm not going to spy, it's for recreational purposes."

"… Like what?!"

"Yeah I'm going sky diving off our roof. I'm trying to see how far I can jump without breaking something."

"No, now you're definitely not going up there."

"So there is a way up there?"

"Yuffie Kisaragi."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to jump off, I'm going star gazing. Now which door is the one to the attic?"

"The 2nd door in Cloud's office."

Oh gawd.

_**Back Number.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Going through Cloud's office isn't really the problem. The problem is going through Cloud's office when he's home. Which should be tonight, about an hour before Vincent comes. You may asking you don't I just go up there now? Someone might hear or see me. You can never know with these mako infused guys. There's pretty good for ex-Shinra lapdogs. So my issue is, I have to go up there when it's dark enough, so the stars can be seen, yet when Cloud isn't in the room… because cloud doesn't believe me that much anymore. After that whole my father thing in Kalm, he's been a little… reluctant to believe a word out of my mouth. But, I guess that means he isn't the stupid block head that I use to think he is. He actually learned something about me from re occurring trend. Oh, the world is ending… more pressing matters now. I have to take everything up to the roof.

"Hey Cloud, how was the delivery."

"…It was alright."

Crap, Cloud's home.

_**Back Number.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Great, now I'm trapped up here. Cloud's been in his office all night and I'm hungry. Vince should be here any minute and I've strategically placed myself above Shelke's room. So operation eavesdrop shall soon commence. Wow, I feel so… stealthy. I love being a ninja.

"Vincent Valentine."

"Shelke."

"What bring you here, Vincent Valentine?"

"You told me before, that their might be a way to wake her up. I want to… try."

"What about Yuffie Kisaragi?"

"She's… not an important issue as of yet."

Not an important issue as of yet, my ass! You saw me naked, Perv Boy. Oh I'm so out of here.

_**Back Number.**_

**X-X-X-X**

These Kalm plains are really… calming. No pun intended they really are. As soon as I heard that I climbed over to my window dropped in grabbed all my stuff, and then dropped out. If I'm not an important issue as of yet, then I guess he won't mind if I run off somewhere. Damn jerk. I think I'm going to head to Cosmo Canyon, if I can get past Costa del Sol this time. Stupid stinky old man! Well, now since I'm out here all on my lonesome, I'm going to steal everything and anything. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Even from old ladies.

_**Back Number.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Wow, it's been 2 days. I have no clue how many calls I've gotten because I left my phone in my room. Can't have it going off while I'm kicking some monsters butts. Not like they're any monsters in Cosmo Canyon. I've been chilling here for the last day and a half. I'm seriously thinking about going to pay my father a visit but, I doubt that would end up well. So I'll just stay here with red for the mean time. He actually likes me. Speaking of Red, I don't know if he knows I'm here or not. I'll go pay him a visit.

"Yuffie."

"WHOA! I was just coming to see you, how'd you know I was here?!"

"I caught a waft of you in my room."

"Are you saying I stink?!"

"No, everyone has a unique constant smell. For example you constantly smell like cheery blossoms, so I had to check and see if it was you."

"So, you've smelt me before?"

"Yuffie, when you have such a keen nose as mine you will understand."

"I don't think I want a keen nose such as yours."

"You have a right to your own opinion. Now what brings you here?"

"Eh, I had to get out. Mind hiding me here in Cosmo Canyon for a while."

"Vincent troubles?"

"Gah! how'd you know?!"

"It's written all over your face."

"Really?!"

"Not literally."

"Oh…"

"Well follow me to my study, we can talk there."

"Yes sir!"

_**Back Number.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"So, he said something about a her. I'm sorry but I don't see how this is troubling, Yuffie."

"Red, for a old guy you're dumb. His dead chick, he's talking about that dead chick."

"The one's whose data is sealed inside of Shelke?"

"How many dead chicks do you think he's had, Red? Of course it's that one!"

"Ah, of course."

"He's going to bring her back, and I'll be forgotten."

"This is really tearing you up isn't it."

"No… maybe… I don't know. I'm mad, I went through all that trouble to apologize, and he goes ahead and says I'm not an issue as of yet. Stupid vampire! ARG!"

"I think you truly do need this vacation. You may stay here as long as you want."

"Ah but Red! You have to hide me also, if people come looking I'll be found, you have to tell them I left a long time ago."

"…I'll try."

"Yeah you were always bad at lying. Just have some guard lie for you."

"Will do."

"Well I hope this isn't too much of a trouble. This room is pretty big."

"No trouble at all, you are my friend, so you get to stay at the best room in Cosmo Canyon. I hope this room accommodates your needs. I must be getting back to work."

"Alrighty, bye Red and thanks a lot."

_**Back Number** my ass._


	32. All at Sea

**_All at Sea_**

_**-**_

**Bewildered, unable to understand.**

_A/N: For all of you who called me mean: It's not what you think. I assure you. For those of you that haven't played final fantasy 7, the ancients forest is on top of a cliff and you access it when you defeat the ultima weapon. He fall in Cosmo canyon and creates a big crater and that allows you to get up the cliff and into the forest. Also. Is the Chao in Da chao spelt. Cho or Chao? Or does anyone know how to spell it?!_

So freaking bored. I've been in Cosmo Canyon for over a week and I'm about to die. I must go steal something. I've heard Cid's airship pass by twice in the past hour. So they're looking for me. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. I've got an idea.

"Hey, Red!"

"Yes, Yuffie?"

"Thanks for letting me stay and all, but, I want to go check out that ancient forest over yonder."

"Yuffie… are you sure that's safe?"

"PSH! I'm Yuffie Kisaragi. I can handle anything."

**_All _at_ Sea._**

**X-X-X-X**

Wow, this place is really… green. Ah, I remember all of these puzzles. Cloud kept messing up and I had to do half of it for him. What? Airship landing? Awe crap, I didn't tell Red, that he shouldn't tell them where I am still! Damn it, I'm going to have to make a run for it. I hope Cloud doesn't have fenrir… or a chocobo. I wonder where that rushing water sound is coming from… "HOLY CRAP!" I should really look where I'm running more often. Let's analyze my problems shall we? 1) The guy I really like, wants to revive his dead chick. 2) They're looking for me and I can't get away fast enough. 3) I'm hanging here by a slipper rock about to plummet to my death. Oh Leviathan why do you hate me? Is it because I stole that materia from Da Chao? I told, I needed it to save the world. I really did. Is it because I stole your materia? That wasn't me stealing, I was returning you to Wutai… or I was going to… This sucks; this is a crumby way to die. I mean I could be dying by… okay never mind there are no UN crumby ways to die, so I'm going to try and find a way out of here.

"Yuffie! Where are you?!"

Ah that jerk, I love how he comes looking when he says I'm not a issue as of yet oh you asshole. …He sounds sort of worried though…

"Where are you?"

"Urk."

"Yuffie."

"heh, hey Vince."

"What are you doing?"

"Taking a shower, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"With your clothes on?"

"Pervert! You just want to see me naked again. Go away I don't want to talk to you."

"Hand. Now."

"What?"

"Give me your hand damn it! You're slipping."

Oh shit, he's right. "FINE!"

"Reach."

"I'm trying."

"…"

"Ah this is it, I'm going to get eaten by piranha's." My fingers are slipping, this is the end. Good bye world that I saved from Sephiroth, if he comes back sucks for you.

_**All at Sea.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Urk… is this the life stream? No, this water isn't green. I'm not dead. AH! I'm going to get eaten by monsters.

"Let go of me!"

"Yuffie…"

"Vince…?"

"What are you doing down here?"

"I jumped off the cliff after you."

"…" No way, this is some joke my minds playing. Vincent wouldn't put himself into mortal danger just for me… would he?!

"Come on."

"No. Dang liar, you did that so your conscious would be clear. I heard you talking with Shelke! You're going to bring her back! I told you to let her go damn it. If I'm not an issue right now then why'd you save me, huh?"

"I didn't know you hated… Shalua so much."

"…Sh-Shalua?" I should just slap myself right now. Owe that hurt.

"…"

"I thought you were talking about your dead chick!"

"Come. The others are waiting."

"Bah, how am I going to explain this? I know! I felt like going swimming."

_**All at Sea.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Hey… Vince."

"Yuffie."

"I was wondering… why I wasn't an issue…"

"I have… feelings… for you that I'm going to have to address. But, first I want to make sure I'm… not a monster anymore…"

"You never were a monster in the first place Vince. You're just got voices inside of your head. And that means you're crazy not a monster."

"Shalua's one of the only people alive who knows about Chaos, so I'm going to find her and find a way to bring her back."

"Ah, well I'm going to help because I feel really bad about running off."

"Thank you."

"Come on broody drop that book and let's get some ice cream."

"…"

"Yeah, that whole ignore-what-she-just-said-while-raising-your-book-higher doesn't work. I know you heard me and I know you want to go."

"…Alright."

"Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Let's go."

_**All at Sea… well not anymore.**_

_A/N; This chapter is slightly shorter than the last at about 850 words. So I want you to (**VOTE) **on what idea you like more. **A)** You have Long chapters, but I update less often. **B)** You have short chapters but you could potentially get 1-3 a day._


	33. Bad Hair Day

**_Bad Hair Day_**

_**-**_

**One of those days when everything seems to go wrong.**

_A/N: Marjority rules with the options B. So it depends on homework load but you'll pretty much be getting a chapter a day. But the chapters when I say short I mean like 400-600 words max. So if you want to re-vote. Go ahead. 19455 hits on this story, just wow. Thanks for all the reviews, this is going to be a long story. I was thinking about starting maybe a **Cloud x Tifa** fic like this. Tell me what you think. Also! Yuffie's birthday is on the 20th of this month or something like that so there shall be a Yuffie birthday fic like there was for Vincent._

We've been looking for Shelke's older sister for a week. A freaking week. We haven't found anything. Not even her freaky bionic arm. I've been looking everywhere I even went a little bit into Deep Ground. Gawd, I told the guys to call in Red so he can use his super nose to sniff her out, but noo. We don't need Nanaki's help; we're fine with out it. Because I'm CLOUD and I can do anything! Even my hair defies the laws of physics.

"I'm so magical, I can FLY!"

"Yuffie."

"Yeah Vince?"

"…"

"I said that out loud didn't I?! Sorry I was making fun of Cloud in my head."

"…"

"Come on; don't tell me you've never done that? You've had to at least said let's mousey sarcastically in your head once."

"…"

"Never?!"

"How do you do it? How do you resist temptation? So if I like did a strip tease you wouldn't be turned on?"

"…Yuffie."

"Ah, so you can resist making fun of people but you can't resist your manly funct-"

"Yuffie!"

"What?"

"What is… hair?"

"What is hair?!"

"Look."

"MY GAWD MY HAIR!"

_**Bad Hair Day.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Yuck, must go take shower now. Gosh I think I'm going to barf. Those last couple of monsters got stuff on it. Yuck, just yuck.

"Vince, get your ass over here! We need to hurry up and find bionic chick so I can take a show- ERRRR!"

"…The grounds not stable."

"Yeah, you could have told me that before I fell through the floor."

"I thought you were a ninja."

"I am one! I'm a **great** ninja. You damn jerk. I'm such a great ninja I'll get out of this hole on my own… Shit."

"Hm?"

"I think I broke my ankle."

_**Bad Hair Day.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Some **great **ninja I am. I couldn't even get out of a hole with a broken ankle. Vince had to jump down, carry me on his back and jump back up. I feel so bad, I'm slowing him down with his search.

"Leave me."

"…?"

"You heard me put me down, you can go faster without me, I'll find a way back… somehow."

"No."

"What do you mean no?!"

"No."

"Well, I'm sorry."

"…"

Now only if I could come up with a topic of discussion that would last more than a minute. Well, I guess he is searching and my talking could distract him potential-

"You smell good."

"Thank… you."

"No really, do you naturally smell like Wutai in spring or did you find some cologne?"

"Wutai… in spring?"

"Yeah! When all the pedals fall off the trees in the light breeze."

"I can't recall."

"Yeah, yeah, I know when you don't want to answer a question. But you have to answer this one. Have you _ever_ had a bad hair day?"

_**Bad Hair Day.**_

_A/N: There's your daily fluff._


	34. Also Ran

_**Also-ran**_

**_- _**

**Loser.**

_A/N: Final Fantasy 12 ate my brain. Note! I'm not calling Yuffie a loser; she's talking about how she feels like one. **Mild cussing. You are warned.**_

Bionic girl is found. My ankle is sprained. And my birthday is tomorrow. Oh yeah, I also fell in a hole in front of Vince. It was like tripping in front of a really hot guy. I'm stuck up here, in bed. I'm not aloud to move. I wanted to just stand behind the bar and help Tifa today, but she looked like she was going to cry when I came walking down the stairs. I don't know what the big deal is. It's an ankle, I'll be able to walk run and jump after words. Not like I'm missing muscle or a lung or something. People are so weird these days. Cid flew me over to Mideel actually, and I got it checked out by that doc that helped Cloud when he was poisoned. Mideel is a big bustling town now. Yeah they built bridges over the life stream. Those crazy kids… err well old people. Gawd, I feel so gross, I've been in this bed for a day and a half and I'm already sick of it. I'm getting out of here. Sprained ankle and all!

_**Also-ran**_

**X-X-X-X**

For all you kids out there, jumping out of a two story window with a sprained ankle is a really bad idea. Alas, it couldn't be helped. I mean Tifa was down stairs! Think she'd like me hobble around Edge for a wee bit because I was bored? I didn't think so. I guess I should just keep walking and go where my feet lead me. Well, foot. Stupid foot maybe I should get chopped off. Then I could be a pirate! Yarrr. Ah never mind. Ninja-pirate? Lame.

_**Also-ran.**_

**X-X-X-X**

It's hard to walk on these streets with a messed up ankle. There are all of these nooks and crannies in the side walk that someone's foot could fall in. Now I'm looking at my feet and I just bumped into someone. Thanks brain. Thanks a lot.

"Sorry."

"Heh, you're kind of cute."

"What?!"

"Why don't you and I spend some time, acquainting ourselves with each other?"

"If you mean that by raping me in an alley, no. Now go molest some blonde bimbo."

"Come on, don't be like that."

"Let go of my arm you fucking freak."

"Awe come on baby, it'll be fun."

"I don't know about how good you are in bed, but punching you in the face was all the fun I needed."

_**Also-ran.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"You can't find her anywhere?!"

"I looked all over Edge, Tifa."

"But Cloud, what if she got kidnapped?"

"Kidnapped? More like almost raped in an alley by some fucktard."

"Yuffie! Where have you been?! We've been searching all over for you!"

"I went for a walk. I'm going to bed. Night. Tifa. Cloud."

"Night…"

"It's only 2."

_**Also-ran.**_

_A/n: Update for today. Expect one tomorrow on Yuffie's birthday._


	35. Alive and Kicking

_**Alive and Kicking **_

_**-**_

**Very active, lively.**

_A/N: Happy Birthday Yuffie!_

Ew, it's Monday. There's nothing worse than having your birthday on Mondays. It's just horrible. Not only is my birthday on a Monday, but my ankles sprained. Yeah, this year definitely isn't my year. The only good part about today is that no one knows that my birthday is today. How embarrassing would that be, having a sprained ankle on your birthday and having everyone pity you! Gawd I can imagine it now. Yuck. Double Yuck. I do wish I was at the Gold Saucer playing some snow boarding games. Those are always fun. Oh well there's next year.

_**Alive and Kicking.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Yuffie!"

"Hm?"

"Vincent's here to see you."

Blink. Blink. Vincent. Here. See. Me. Wow my brain needs to learn to work faster. Smooth Yuffie, in your hurry to see the man of your dreams you have stumbled down the stairs and landed on your face. Right in front of him.

"What're you smiling about broody? I've got a sprained ankle and I just fell on my face. And it's your fault!"

"…My Fault?"

"Yeah, it's your fault. You cursed me with your witchcraft."

"…I don't recall doing such a thing."

"I know, I was joking."

"Ah… I may have not cursed you but I bought you a birthday present."

"…W-why? It's not my birthday!" Awe crap, I told Vinnie when we played 20 questions in-the-not-dark.

"…"

"Eh, did you hit your head Vince? Let's go outside! For a walk!"

"You can barely walk down the stairs…"

"Did I say walk? I meant you can carry me!"

_**Alive and Kicking.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"So you see, they can't know it's my birthday!"

"…what is your reason again?"

"Because it's embarrassing!"

"…"

"You may have nerves of steal, and never blush. But I am quite the opposite of you! I blush a lot. Hell! I'm blushing now because I feel really dorky."

"Hmph. Here."

"What is it?"

"…"

"Right, birthday present. Gotcha."

"Now you're catching on."

"Who knew you could be so sarcastic, brood!"

"…"

"What? Would you rather me call you Chi-Mo?"

"Chi-Mo?"

"Short for child molester."

"…"

"Wow I don't think I've ever seen you so pale before in my life. Are you alright?"

"…"

"I was joking!"

"…ah."

"WOW! It's that one picture we took together! You got it framed! Eee! Vinnie!"

"…yes?"

"Come over here so I can hug you."

"…"

"I mean- OWE my foot. Come over here, so I can trick you into getting hugged."

"As you wish."

"Thanks Vinnie. It's going on my nightstand. And I'm going to look at it 24/7. who knows I might get it photocopied a billion times and have all the walls in my room covered in it. How about that?"

"…That would be…"

"Would be?"

"Expensive."

"And here I thought you were going to complement me. Sheesh."

"I apologize." He says.

"Yeah well, you didn't tell anyone about my birthday before… did you?" I say.

"…"

"I don't like that smirk…"

"Happy birthday you fuggin brat."

"Stingy old man! Vince why'd you tell him of all people!?"

_**Alive and Kicking.**_


	36. At Sixes and Sevens

_**At sixes and sevens**_

**_-_**

**In a state of confusion.**

_A/N: Crummy excuse I know, but final fantasy 12 ate my brain. I'm too busy trying to be the right level to fight the monsters than the story line. Does anyone else have this problem?_

"Yuffie."

"Ma, I don't want to go to school. Five more minutes…"

"Yuffie."

"I'm going to be a ninja anyway, who needs school for that."

"Yuffie, avalanche! Run!"

"AVALANCHE! WHERE?!"

"Haha! She fell for it Denzel!"

"Marlene…"

"Tifa sent me up here to get you, said Vincent's down stairs to see you."

"…uh huh. Get out of my room brat…s. Yeah you too Denzel."

Why are there so many stairs?! Did Leviathan make stairs just for the purpose to tormenting people with broken legs? Oh the cruelty. Ah I'm over it.

"Vince, what brings you here?"

"Reeve."

"Uh, Reeve isn't here…"

"Reeve sent me, to bring you to WRO headquarters."

"Psh, doesn't that guy know, I can barely walk let alone go kick some Deep Ground ass for him."

"Come."

"No. Why should I? I don't feel like walking."

"…"

"Vince what are you doing?"

"Carrying you."

"…PUT ME DOWN! Tifa!"

"Have fun you, two. Tell Reeve I said Hi Vincent."

_**At Sixes and Sevens.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"So, what's the big deal, Vinnie?"

"Precautions."

"I'm afraid to ask but…For what?"

"WRO has obtained a document stating they intend to assassinate the princess of Wutai."

"Oh… that all and I thought Sephiroth was a psycho rapist and he was going to come molest me."

"…"

"You really should get a sense of humor. I saw some at the thrift store for 30 gil."

"You have enough sense of humor for the both of us."

"Awe thanks. So who's trying to assassinate me."

"Anti-Wutains."

"You know, the vague way you say things doesn't make you cool. It makes you confusing as hell."

"…"

"So what's the plan, I stay at WRO a day to get briefed then I go back to the bar?"

"No, you will be staying at WRO head quarters where I can keep an eye on you."

"Is it that serious?"

"It could be and we're taking no chances."

"…no chances huh…What do you mean by 'keep an eye on you'?"

"…"

_**At Sixes and Sevens.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Reeve is still, Reeve, dragging Vincent into the fray. I knew he wouldn't keep an eye on me because of his own need to. Reeve asked him. So now I'm stuck here. With a gross ankle and a recluse. There's also so fan boys who saw me flying around on that hover board when we attacked deepground.

"Yuffie! Can I have you autograph? That was so cool how you killed those deepground soliders!"

"...fine. …Now leave me a lone and tell all your friends the same."

"You're their hero."

"So are you smarty pants. I'm just nicer than you are, Vince."

"Of course…"

"What?"

"Man… she is so hot."

"…"

"I'm going to wipe that smirk of your face."

_**At Sixes and Sevens.**_

_A/N: I'm so sorry! This chapter would have been up a lot sooner if it would have uploaded. Sorry guys._


	37. Bark Up the Wrong Tree

_**Bark up the wrong tree **_

_**-**_

**Misdirect one's efforts.**

_A/N: Sorry if this is late. Lately FF. net has well, been annoying and not let me upload any documents so sorry if this is late._

"So who's trying to assassinate me again?"

"Terrorists."

"Care to deliberate? I mean I could be walking down the street and WAM! I'm dead."

"Precisely."

"…"

"Here you are safe."

"Vince, do you remember how easily deep ground soldiers got in this place before?"

"…"

"I'll take that as a no."

"…Yuffie."

"What in the span of like a couple of months did they get this bad ass security system."

"_Vincent Valentine, Reeve would like to speak with you sir."_

"Hn. Bye."

"Yeah, bye Vinnie."

_**Bark Up The Wrong Tree.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Let me get this straight, Reeve. Wutian terrorist are coming after me because I'm a princess?"

"No."

"You said they were from the Wutai area!"

"Just because they are from the Wutai area doesn't make them Wutian. They have a grude against your people. What a better way than to kill their princess?"  
"You mean they don't think I'm dead already?! Gawd what stupid people."

"Yuffie…"

"Sorry."

"I'm just pissed, if I hadn't of fallen in that hole, I wouldn't be stuck here, with Nameless WRO soldiers."

"They have names."

"Yeah, whatever. There's so many I bet you don't even know any of their names."

"Sure I do, this lady here is Jean."

"Sir, its Gene."

"…"

"Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. My point… exactly."

_**Barking Up the Wrong Tree.  
**_

**X-X-X-X**

There's nothing to do here. How can people honestly choose to spend time here? I'd rather be out in the world and get killed and stay in here. …I wonder where they keep the all there soldier supplies… I wonder where they keep there materia... Nyuk. Nyuk. Nyuk.

"Sorry Ms. Kisaragi. Reeve gave us specific orders not to let you in a 10 meter radius of the supply stores."

"…" Damn it. Reeve, you're smart. Smarter then I give you credit for but still. This is a challenge of my ninja-ness, I must get in that room… Even if I have a sprained ankle. Ah ha! Air duct! It's like taking candy from babies. Oh how I feel for these poor little unstealthy ninja-ey people. _BANG! _That _BANG!_ Sounded like gun fire…

"Where is she?!"

"Damn the Kisaragi bitch isn't here!"

Blink. Blink. Crazy terrorists? Wow, I'm lucky today. Reeve and Vinnie went off where exactly? Damn. I don't have my conformer. Eh, how about I hide in this air duct for a while.

_**Bark Up the Wrong Tree.**_

_A/N: 2nd update for today : Since I had a snow day :D_


	38. Armed to the Teeth

**_Armed to the Teeth_**

**_- _**

**Heavily armed.**

_A/N: You're daily update for today. : Also, I've recently become a Naruto-a-holic. So I just had to ad in that part. They have TV in FF7 land. So who said they can't have anime! **:D NOTE! I am looking for a Beta-er or proof reader. You get to see all the chapters before anyone else does: D**_

I've been stuck in this air duct for hours! I think I'm going to dieeee! Okay… it's been five minutes. Still that's a LONG time to be stuck in here. I wonder if they're gone… I hope so. My foot's asleep. Damn, I need to get out of here.

"Yeah, that bitch is no where to be found."

"Well, I guess we just wait for that Reeve guy to come back. We'll torture the info out of him."

"Alright, if you say so."

This sucks, Reeve's going to get killed, I'm stuck in an air duct and I'm cold. Gawd, please don't sneeze Yuffie. Whatever you do… Do. NOT. Sneeze. Coming here was more of a trouble then a help. Now, how am I going to get out of here, with an asleep foot, a sprained ankle and crazy terrorists after me because I'm supposed-to-be-but-not-Wutain Princess? I could always go out there and drop kick every single one of them, but that'd hurt. So, I guess I'm stuck ninja-ing about in the air ducts. Now, to find a way outside, so I can run- err, limp for help.

_**Armed to the Teeth.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Well, it's been 30 minutes. And I've gotten about… 2 feet. Yeah I know, I like to travel far. Anyway, these ducts resonate very well, so if my foot hits something… I'm screwed. I'll probably be shot. These guys look shifty, like they'd fire at anything. Not a good combo. Hmm, I might be able to climb up a floor and get out then, then sneak around and be all covert-like. Yes, I'll do that. Eh, my sprained ankle can't be helped, but at least my foot is wide awake, and has had a decent blood flow for the past 30 minutes. Now to climb up this fucking tube! No hand holds anywhere, I'm going to have to shove in here and use that fact that I'm pushing on the sides to keep me from falling. Yeah well, I'm always up for a challenge. Shimmy, shimmy. Well, at least I don't have to worry about making noise this way… THUNG! ...crapcrapcrapcrapcrap. Climb faster you horrible excuse of a foot.

"What the hell was that?!"

"It's came from that way!"

Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap! Faster legs faster!

"Ernie, what was it?"

"AH, it was just some WRO rat making a noise."

"Sounded like it was from the ceiling."

"Naw, I just knocked out the guy who was causing the ruckus."

"Alright."

Well, I'm at the top of the air duct now. Leviathan, if that was your method of motivation; you're a cruel, cruel god and / or summon materia.

_**Armed to the Teeth.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Well, there aren't any terrorists up here, that's for sure. This place is as deserted as a… well, desert. Original, I know. I think this is the top secret floor, that only Reeve and everyone else in avalanche is aloud to go to except for me. Holy crap! They get vending machines?! No freaking way! Not fair. I'm stuck on all the floors with the yucky food. They get heresy bars and power aid! NOT. FAIR. I've tried to get up here tons of times! I even tried cracking the code in the elevator. But nada... Zilch… Zippo. Now that I'm about to be killed, I get up here great. Well, maybe I can find something to help me out of this situation… like… a phone. Vinnie made me leave mine at the bar; he said something about them being able to lock on to my location by it. Ah, what a bunch of baloney. He just didn't want me calling him 24/7. Selfish jerk. I need you… oh. My. GAWD! Did I just think I needed Vincent?! What am I becoming?! The **great** ninja Yuffie Kisaragi needs **no** _one._ I shall go drop kick the teeth out of those terrorists' mouths. They'll regret the day they messed with Yuffie Kisaragi. The greatest ninja EVER! (I'm even better than Naruto! Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk!)

_**Armed to the Teeth.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Operation kick terrorists' asses so hard they cry for their mommies, or K.T.A.S.H.T.C.F.T.M., is a go. I've found a lot of neat stuff up here. Smoke bombs, grenades, I even found a flash bang and some ninja stars. This is going to be fun. Now all I have to do is get down that duct again and I'll kill those jerks!

_WRO entrance about 20 min. 35 sec. later._

"They've pulled the cloth over our eyes with this one, Vincent."

"So… it seems."

"I just hope Yuffie's okay."

"Reeve…"

"What?"

"NYUK! NYUK! NYUK! Take that! And That! HAHA!" _KABOOM!_

"She's a monster!"

"Please don't hur-"

"That's what you get for messing with the **greatest** ninja EVER! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk."

"…"

"…"

_**Armed to the Teeth.**_

_A/N: For some reason, picturing Yuffie going psycho on someone, is so easy to imagine. Sorry about the naruto comment, if you don't like that show, I apologize. I just had to say that. :D_


	39. A1

_**A1**_

**_- _**

**In first class condition.**

_A/N: I updated my author profile. So, now you can see the next chapter title, and how close (or not close) it is to being done. Have a good read and R&R please._

Those terrorists were a bunch of babies. They were sore at Wutai because we asked them nicely to stop killing our chocobos. They were chocobo-killers, can you believe it?! They killed and ate Wutai's chocobos. Damn jerks. Great news though! Yesterday I accidentally put weight on my sprained ankle and… it didn't hurt! I'm cured! I'm in first class condition ready to kick some ass! Woo! I feel like I could go… run a marathon or something! Maybe, I should go lasso some chocobos. That's always hard. Well… unless you're Cloud, but lots of things aren't hard for Cloud. I mean you should see all the women that stand outside the bar waiting for him to come home. Everyone thinks he's a local hottie. I feel bad for Tifa, must be hard on her, with competition and all. But, since Cloud is Cloud, her only competition is Aerith and… she's… deceased. So, Tif's a shoe-in, well, in my opinion anyway. When it comes to me and Vinnie though… totally different story... he still likes his dead chick. He doesn't think she's dead. I don't know who Vinnie likes anymore. I don't think I'm ever going to, either.

"Hey Yuffie!"

"Yeah Tifa?!"

"Could you watch Marlene and Denzel for me? I have to go to the store."

"All right."

Heheh, now that my ankles all better, I can own in tag. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.

_**A1.**_

**X-X-X-X**

These kids, thinking they could beat me in tag... children these days. Don't they know, I am older than you, thus I can run faster? Obviously not, since they keep asking to play tag. I keep telling them no also.

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty Please?"

"No.

"Pretty please with sugar on top?"

"No."

"You're mean."

"You're a kid."

"You're Vincent's wife!"

"What did you just say? You little brat! I am not, I repeat not, married to Vinnie."

"Yeah well how come you call him, Vinnie?"

"Because we're best friends."

"Like me and Denzel."

"Uh… Sure."

"Poor Vincent, wait till he hears this tape recording… he'll be crushed."

"Give me the tape recorder. NOW!"

"No."

"Fine then, I'm just going to have to use force."

Damn kids, I'm so happy my ankle's better or else this would be freaking annoying.

_**A1.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Owe… my spleen."

"Oh hush, Denzel. It was only a tackle."

Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Now all I have to do is burn this tape and everything will be fin- _Ding._

"Jeez Tifa, don't you know how to use a key?!"

"…"

"Err, Jeez Vince, don't you know how to use a key?!"

"…" Smirk.

"Ah stop smirking at me."

"Feeling… better?

"Yeah, I woke up and it was magically healed. A miracle, brought on by Leviathan."

"…"

"Come on in. Tifa's at the store, but I could get you something to drink if you'd like."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"I… apologize."

"For…?"

"WRO…"

"Ah. Don't worry about it. Thanks to you, I now know a way up to that secret floor."

"…"

"Oh don't look so horrified. I didn't get to do any quality snooping. I had terrorists on my ass. I had to find things that I could chuck. I was too busy to go looking through anything."

"…Ah."

"Really, now, what brings you here?"

"I…"

"You…"

"Was wondering if you'd grace me with your presence on a WRO mission."

"…I don't know… I've got a lot of stuff to do around here. Plus my ankle just got better…"

"…"

"Of course, I'll go! Wouldn't want you stuck with WRO soldiers, now would I?! They all look the same anyway."

"Of course…"

"Whoa, you move… really fast. You were like over there sitting and now you're like over here… in my… bubble…"

"I must leave, I bid you… farewell."

What was that?! Oh my gawd, I'm probably beet red. He… kissed me on the corner of the mouth… AGAIN! Oh, I saw that smirk, this is so on. Just you wait and see Vincent Valentine, just wait and see.

_**A1.**_

_A/N: A kiss, in this chapter and a kiss in the next one. Except, I'm planning for the next one to be on the lips… actually. And it's going to have something to do with mouth to mouth resuscitation. _


	40. be all and end all

_**Be-all and End-all**_

_**-**_

**Supreme Issue.**

_A/N: Hello all. I'm so sorry, this week all the teachers have decided to give us projects because it's the week before Christmas break. I've been so busy lately I'm so sorry. Well here it is. Your next chapter! p.s. Thanks _CrazyFFKHOttsel. _This chapter probably wouldn't be up if it weren't for you. Thanks a lot. Also, Yey for 40 chapters!_

For some reason, when Vinny asked me to come with him on his mission, I was thinking beach get-away… not this. But I should have known that Vince isn't the romantic type and that I'd end up in some icky jungle with bugs biting me.

"Vinny, are we there yet?"

"No, Yuffie."

"Well when are we going to get there?! We've been walking for days and months and what seems like years! These bugs are killing me! Can we please take a break?"

"…"

"UGH! You're so mean. I think I'm getting a blister."

"…We can rest… for a bit."

"Thanks Vinny! Let's go find a river or something, its so hawt."

"…hn."

_**Be-all and end-all.**_

**X-X-X-X**

I haven't been able to come up with a really good plan to get Vinny back yet. But once I think of one, it'll be the best plan I've ever thought of. I'm positive. "AHH!" Sorry… Snake. I hate those things, after the Midgar Zolomn… Gross. But back to the main issue, hell it might even be the supreme issue, how am I going to get back at Vinny?! Let's see, there's a lake. There's me. Then there's dangerous jungle. This reminds of this movie I saw where this lady pretended to drown so the hunk would give her CPR and she could kiss him… wait a second… that's not half bad of an idea. I mean it if was in a movie, it must be believable! Oh leviathan, I'm doomed. Sometimes I wish Vinny wasn't as smart as he is.

_**Be-all and end-all.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Damn, I still can't think of anything to do, and it's time to start moving again. Wow, what are these rocks covered in? Well whatever it is it's extremely slippe- _SPLASH! _Well, since I'm in the water, and I just fell in and I'm currently trying to get above water, going with the only plan I've thought up so far is my only option. Oh Leviathan, help me. I should be turning the bend where he was sitting soon. Ah there he is!

"Vin- _gurgle_ help m-_gurgle_."

"Yuffie." Wow, I've never seen him move so fast in well… ever. Wow, I'm on land already. Can't breathe.

"Yuffie…"

"…" Oh god, he's so close. I can fell him breathing on me!

"…Yuffie!"

"…" This was a dumb idea; he'll never fall for it- Holy shit, his mouth is on mine… do something Yuffie! You didn't jump in the river for nothing… well, I fell… so-

"A joke?"

You get a single kiss on the lips for effort, Vince. Who's turn to smirk now, Valentine? Just get up and walk away, real smooth Yuffie… real smoot- _Achoo._ Damn it.

_**Be-all and end-all.**_

_A/N: I know, short and not worth the wait but it had to be written. _


	41. Bee in one's Bonnet

_**Bee in one's bonnet**_

_**-**_

**An obsession.**

_A/N: Last chapter was short and well… horrible. So you get two updates today. Well, Shelke was Yuffie's competition, so now it's time to bring in Vincent's. Thanks to _CrazyFFKHOttsel _we have another chapter today. You should all go send her nice PM's. Now on with the chapter._

"You did what?!"

"Pretended to drown."

"So you could kiss Vincent?!"

"Tifa, it wasn't so much about kissing Vincent, as getting back at him for kissing me. Ya see?"

"…Yuffie."

"What?!"

"Leave it to you to kiss someone because of your competitive side."

"What? I like him." I say.

"Sure you do." She says.

"What's that supposed to mean, Tifa?!"

"You're 20, (16 in final fantasy 7. 18 in Advent children. 19 in Dirge of Cerberus. And she just had her birthday.) What do you know about love?!"

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"You're young and you like a man who's lived life, and is going to keep living life for an extremely long time."

"Nu uh. Chaos is gone, he's not immortal, Tifa."

"Yuffie, I'm just trying to make a point. Plus it's a little weird how obsessed you've been with Vincent lately."

"Lately? Psh, I've been obsessed with Vinnie my whole entire life!"

"…"

"Well, you know what I mean…"

"…"

"Four years is a long time…"

_**Bee in one's Bonnet.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Okay, so maybe I am a bit… obsessive. But, who wouldn't be! I mean, have you seen Vince? He's like gorgeous… and he's also like 60 bazillion years old! Haha Yuffster is back. I wasn't myself there for a moment.

"Yuffie Kisaragi."

"Holy crap! How did you get in here?!"

"I came through the ceiling."

"Good one Shelke. That was so funny I forgot to laugh."

"And you told me to get a sense of humor."

"Oh I have one, but that wasn't funny."

"Yes well, do you know where Vincent is?"

"Uh, no why?"

"I wanted to tell him something, but it can wait."

"Okay… what's with all the bags?!"

"I'm going to stay with Shalua, she's fully recovered now."

"Ah, what… a shame." SCORE!

_**Bee in one's Bonnet.**_

**X-X-X-X**

So, I'm a great ninja. For some reason I feel like I should be doing something more than serving drinks in a bar and lusting over a way older man. Hmm. Maybe I should acquire an airship and fly around exploring ancient ruins and stealing materia and old documents to future our knowledge of this planet… wait… isn't that the plot line of some video game? (FFX-2) Oh well, I guess I'm stuck here with… Reno?

"Hey babe."

"..."

"You gonna stare at me all day?"

"Just my luck. The day Tifa takes a day off, I'm stuck with you."

"Awe, I'm hurt."

"You would be turkey."

"Anyway I want a scotch on the rocks."

"Money, please."

"What was that?"

"In this bar you pay before you get your drink. You know with money, a check or a credit card?"

"You think I'm some kind of retard, Kisaragi."

"Yes, I do actually."

"Ouch. Here."

"Um, it's only 30 gil. (Note: I have no clue how much alcohol costs, so. I'm making it up.) you gave me 100."

"It's a tip, girlie. For being so god damn cute and charming."

"…you hit on everyone like this?"

"Yup."

"That's depressing."

"Huh?"

"I'm so turned off right now, I feel like I could vomit."

"That's exactly the charm I like about you, Kisaragi."

"Yeah well, this is exactly what I hate about you. Take your scotch and go hang out in the corner. I have other customers."

"What are you talking about; I'm the only one in here."

"Well duh, it's 12 in the afternoon. Who goes to a bar to get drunk at midday? Alcoholics."

"How do you know I didn't come here to see you?"

"Because I just know. You're Reno, you don't like anyone."

"You're Yuffie and you like an old guy."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"How would you know any way? You some obsessive freak?"

"No, but I keep my eyes on cute girls. Too bad you wouldn't ever dream of going out with anyone but your dear Valentine."

"Hah look at you talking like you know me."

"I do know you."

"No you don't, this is the first time we've talked in months."

"Sure, but I know you. You're easy to read."

"Hmph."

"You want to prove me wrong? Go on a date with me then." He says.

_**Bee in one's bonnet.**_

_A/N: I feel evil, but I enjoy Reno as a character. His voice actor in advent children is the same voice as Axel from KH2 and as Kon from Bleach._


	42. Acid Test

_**Acid Test **_

_**-**_

**A crucial test that determines worth, truth and reliability etc.**

_A/N: Again sorry for the delay, power outages are horrible._

I was so going to shoot down Reno and embarrass him to no end, but… well let's just say Vince came in. I was seriously afraid for Reno's health for about 10 seconds, but then I started to imagine how funny it'd be to see Reno in pain. Then Vincent stared at me and I felt so small, I tried to explain it to him. But he walked out really fast, he won't answer his phone. Damn it, where's Tifa when you need a psychiatrist?!

"TIFA!"

"Yuffie, where's the fire?"

"So, yesterday I was like leading on Reno, and I was just about to say no, then Vince came in!"

"Yuffie! How could you do that to him? You know what he's been through! I know, what should I do?!"

"Well you're going to have to do something like an acid test."

"Acid test? NO WAY!"

"It's not literally an acid test. It's a term for a test used to see if something is reliable or not. What I'm saying is, you should go do something to prove your worth, you know?"

"Oh… Well, I'll think of something, I'm going to go stop by Vince's house, then look for him in his usual spots. I'll call you later."

"Alright, Good luck."

_**Acid Test.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Vince! Answer your door!" Okay, he's not here, I'll go check that cave. Damn it, who's calling me?!

"Hello?"

"Yuffie come back now, there's a big storm approaching fast. Come home."

"No, not unless I find Vinnie!"

Sorry Tifa, but your nagging is so annoying. _Crash._ Eek… I hate lightening; maybe I should go back… No! I have to find Vince! Tifa wasn't kidding when she said a big storm, that's like torrential down pour. Gawd, this is going to be a pain in the ass. I'm going to have to run for it. Even monsters don't want to be out in this.

"Hey Chocobo Billy! I need one of Cloud's gold chocobos."

"Miss, there's no renting today. Did you see the storm outside?"

"Little boy give me the freaking chocobo!"

"Yes… Miss."

"Thanks!"

Haha, I totally just made that kid piss his pants. Now off to that dead chick cave, and Nibelheim.

_**Acid Test.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Vince wasn't at his dead chick's cave, so he has to be here. He just has to! _Crash._ Crap, I forgot how scary this place is. It's like a real life haunted house… It's so c-c-cold. This is where I wished I wasn't soaking wet and covered in mud. Maybe I should go to the inn and rest for a bit… No! Yuffie, what are you thinking? You've come this far! No turning back. Gawd, am I insane? Talking to your self was what that Alice girl did from Alice in wonderland, and she was psycho. Oh well, I have to get down stairs. These steps look a lot less stable then they use to. _Creak. _Vince will probably hear me before I even get to his freaking coffin. _Creak._ Gosh I really wished that if Vince was going to hang out here that he'd, you know, remodel some? _Crash. Crack._ Damn it! I stepped on the 7th step. You never step on the 7th step because it's the most decomposed one, damn it. This is one of those times in life where I wish I was really buff, so I could pull myself up and save myself from a horrible fall, which will probably kill me.

"Help! Vinnie! Vince! Vin-Vin! Vincent freaking Valentine! HELP! ... There's no use, Yuffie. He probably thinks this is some trick, so this is the crumby way I'm going to die, but falling some 50 feet because I stepped on the 7th step. I hate my life! Stop crying, you're going to go to the life stream with out any regrets. Ouch, my hands can't hold on much longer, goodbye world, goodbye Vince. Hehe, that tickles." Gold claw… gloved hand.

"Hello Yuffie."

"Hi-"

"You realize it's hard to understand you when you're sobbing."

"Uh huh."

"What?"

"I had to see you!"

"…?"

"The whole Reno-"

"…"

"Vince… where are you going?! Let me finish, damn it."

"No need. Go to your Reno."

Vince… Damn it move legs, you have to go after him.

_**Acid Test.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Stop walking away from me!"

"…"

"Vincent Valentine, I love you!"

"What?"

"Don't give me that surprised look! If you weren't such a jerk face, and let me explain that I was going to say no to Reno." I have to calm down; hyper ventilating isn't an option right now.

"Yuffie…you… mean the world to me."

"You're warm, Vince."

"You're soaking wet, Yuffie."

"Also, covered in mud."

"Let me get you a room at-"

"Only if you stay with me."

_**Acid Test.**_

_A/N: It's really hard to get across that Yuffie's sobbing the whole entire time, because you can't really type sobbing sounds. I didn't have Vincent say I love you, because that seemed too sappy for me. Review please, I love hearing from all of you._


	43. Bend over Backwards

**_Bend over backwards_**

**_-_**

**Try very hard to help.**

_A/N: I apologize in advance, my brother is coming home for the first time in a year. So, updates shall be slowed again. I apologize._

Christmas is probably the worst holiday ever. Yeah, you heard me right. It was the best holiday ever when I was a child in Wutai; I got all of these presents and didn't have to worry in the least about giving to anyone else. Now, I have to get everyone a present and it's so hard! Because no one will tell me what the hell they want! Plus what do you get a really old guy who doesn't believe in material value… at all. Well a gift card. But what do you get a 'Vincent Valentine'… a free dry cleaning ticket for his cape thingier? I have to get him something really special, I mean something so special it'd blow his mind! Make him feel like he was the only guy on the world, you know? This is so hard. I know Tifa already bought everyone their presents… even Vince… I'll go ask her what she bought him, I'm too sick to go ninja-ing about. Torrential down pour doesn't do the body any good.

_**Bend over Backwards.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"So, Tifa what'd you get Vince for Christmas?"

"Yuffie…"

"Please! I can't think of anything just give me an idea!"

"Yuffie! I can't talk right now, I'm busy I have to wrap all of these present before our friends get here and the kids come home. Now, if you help me, I'll help you alright?"

"…Fine! I'll wrap all of these presents so fast you'll blink and they'll be done."

"Really?"

"Holy crap, that's a lot of presents… uh, just keep your eyes closed for 3 hours…"

"Don't worry, Yuffie, I won't hold it against you. Now come on, we can brainstorm ideas while we wrap presents." She says.

"Alright, I have no clue where to even start." I say.

"Well, what kind of present do you want to get him?"

"One that will be special."

"Well, You seem to be pretty special to him lately. Put a bow on yourself and wait under the tree na-."

"TIFA! I don't appreciate sex jokes when they involve me."

"Kidding, I was kidding. Vince reads, try getting him a book."

"Psh a book? Anyone could get him the same book. Books are too plain, too common. I need something to WOW! Him."

"Are you sure you aren't just doing this to hear him say wow for the first time?"

"Well, that's part of the reason but I really want to get him a great gift. I felt so horrible when he walked in on Reno and I while I was trying to get rid of him."

"Yeah, he told me about that."

"He told you about that?"

"Yeah, when he dropped you off, you were out cold."

"Oh…"

"Well, if I were you, I'd just buy something. I mean, if he really cares about you, he'll like it."

"Really? Hmm, I might just buy him something for his gun."

"Don't you dare. He expects you to buy him something like that. Surprise him, what else do you know about him?"

"He use to be obsessed over a dead chick in a younger chick who is really an older chick."

"… that all?"

"Um, he likes old fashioned things, since he's like… older."

"Go on…" she says.

"He has a Yuffie-o-finder. Since whenever I'm in Kalm he finds me."

"…jeez you don't know much about the guy do you?"

"Oh, he likes classical music. Um… His was a ShinRa Scientist… and other stuff that I don't want to share with you."

"Oh?"

"Well, I spent hours trying to get him to play 20 questions with me to get all of this stuff. You think, you're getting it for free? Psh, you're psycho."

"Am I now? I'm not the one going after Vincent Valentine."

"Yeah but you are going after chocobo head. It seems we're both pretty psycho."

"… yeah…"

"Well I must be off, to go buy this magnificent present for Vin-Vin."

"You've come up with an idea?"

"Nope, I'll just go looking, it'll come to me. I know it."

"You're psychic now?"

"No, but I have ninja-sense."

_**Bend over Backwards.**_

**X-X-X-X**

I want to help Vince feel happy, I also want to hear him say wow but, no one has to know that. So, what makes Vince happy? Me! Wait… why didn't I think of this sooner! It's perfect! I just need a frame… where is the frame shop? Gawd buying stuff is so hard. This looks like the place. Now what kind of frame? A black one? A silver one? A Glass one? So many different kinds. Oh wow, this is perfect. One down, seven more people to go!

_**Bend over Backwards.**_


	44. Cack Handed

_**Cack-Handed **_

_**-**_

**Clumsy, inept, Left handed.**

_A/N: Holidays, the only time of the year you can put anything off and have a liable excuse. I apologize._

Gawd, why do I feel like today is going to be a bad day?

"PRESENTS! PRESENTS!"

Damn kids.

"Yuffie! What'd you get us, huh? Huh?"

"Coal."

"…Seriously?"

"Yup."

"Liar, its char- coal… What are we supposed to do with _this?_"

"Why, Marlene and Denzel, I thought you'd never ask. You draw with it."

"Drawing is for kids."

"From the way your hair looks and what you just said, you obviously haven't looked in the mirror for a while Denzel."

"Shut up."

"Alright. But I'll be taking my coal ba-."

"NO! We want it."

"I knew you'd come around. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Kids are so gullible, the moment you threaten to take something; they start to cling to it for dear li-"

"Yuffie, are you alright?"

"Yup, the haunted table just has a thing against me."

"Haunted table? You tripped."

"Denzel…"

_**Cack-Handed.**_

**X-X-X-X**

I went through all of this trouble to get everyone their presents… and theirs a blizzard. A fucking blizzard. Yeah, I'm pissed. But, life hates me so I guess it was meant to be. I got Cloud hair gel, Tifa a scarf, Cid some nicotine patches, Red a cute dog shirt I found in Petco, Barret a sailor suit like the one he got when we snuck on the boat in Junon 3 years ago, I gave Reeve all my old materia, I got Cait Sith a moogle costume that is so freaking cute you could eat him, and I also got Aerith a bouquet of flowers and I gave her a picture also. Cloud's was going to go drop those off at the forgotten capitol but well, snow and lots of it. Very few things can stop Cloud Strife, but when you can't open your front door because the snow is piled up so high and your door swings outward, that puts a damper on things. So now we're all stuck in this house, and I can't give Vince his present and it's driving me insane.

"Hey… Yuffie! Good news!"

"What!?"

"It's warming up outside, so the snow should melt in a couple of days."

"A couple of days?! It needs to melt now! I have to give Vince and everyone else their presents!"

"Well, if you want to find a way out that door, go ahead, but Cloud gave up after trying going out the window."

"Hmph. But Tifa! What am I going to do?"

"Wait patiently? Look I called Vincent and everyone else; they'll be here as soon as the snow melts."

"But that could take forever!"

"Yuffie, look on the bright side! At least it's a white Christmas!"

"grawr –phmp."

"Yuffie, are you alright?"

"EH, it's the second time today."

"What? Falling on your face?"

"Yup."

_**Cack-Handed.**_

**X-X-X-X**

The parties almost over, I don't think I've ever gotten so many presents in my life. But, enough about that now. I have to go up to the roof and give my present to Vince. I'm pretty sure he's up there. Ah, there he is!

"Hey Vince."

"Yuffie."

"Well, erm, uh, here. Merry Christmas."

"…thank you."

"You're welcome-"

"…"

"Ugh, not again."

"This has happened before?"

"Yup, fourth time today that I've fallen on my face."

"…"

"Thanks. It's sort of cold out here."

"hm…"

"Gyah, what are you doing?"

"…" Smirk."

"Wait… what? You mean you're actually going to take it off? Here? Now? Where someone could see you? Have you gone crazy?"

_**Cack-Handed.**_

_A/N: Feel free to guess what he's taking off. It really shouldn't be that difficult though._


	45. Doubting Thomas

_**Doubting Thomas**_

**_- _**

**Person who will not believe something before obtaining proof.**

_A/N: I haven't died, Neverwinter Nights 2 and Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion have taken over my brain. Both of them are very good games and I recommend them. I was a little disappointed about Bishop from NWN2, if you've played the game as a female you know what I'm **talking** about. But Obsidian had to set up for expansion packs, I suppose. Ah well, enough of my babbling._

"Yuffie, you are such a liar!"

"Tifa, I'm serious! Why won't you believe me?!"

"Because it's Vincent Valentine we're talking about… Tall, dark, and handsome. Oh and he also never takes off his cloak. Ever."

"Exactly, that's why I'm freaking out!"

"Are you sure you weren't just having another one of your weird dreams?"

"Um, yes. Because I smelt him on the cloak. I never knew what Vinnie smelt like before, so how could I dream that?"

"…"

"Okay that made me sound really creepy and like… stalker-ish. I just got a whiff of Vince-aroma."

"Uh-huh, sure."

_**Doubting Thomas.**_

**X-X-X-X**

I can't believe this! Tifa won't believe me! The saying should be 'doubting Tifa' instead of 'doubting Thomas'. I didn't make that up… did I? I mean, I remember going up there and giving him his present. Then I fell on my face, and said it was cold. He started unbuckling his cape after that. Just between you and me, it was the sexiest thing I've ever seen. I mean, it was as good of strip tease you'll ever get from Vincent Valentine… Wow, I've been spending to much time with pervy old guys. Cid and Barret are rubbing off on me. Yuck. Must go do something innocent and non-perverty. AH HAH! Etch a sketch! …a broken etch a sketch… how the hell do you break a etch a sketch? Any who, I really need to do something. I bet there's dishes… there's always dishes. Well, unless Tifa or I do all of them.

_**Doubting Thomas.**_

**X-X-X-X**

No dishes. But who needs to do dishes when there's a Vinnie in a corner drinking coffee while reading a newspaper?

"Yuffie."

"Vin-Vin. Whatcha reading?"

"…"

"Well, can I have the comics? I'm bored. Hey, you're old, How do you break an etch a sketch."

"…" Blink. Blink.

"Upstairs, there's this etch a sketch, and it's broken and I was wonder how you actually go about breaking a etch a sketch. And since you're… _seasoned,_ I thought you might have broken some etch a sketches' in your time."

"…Did you ever consider you were turning it the wrong way?"

"…"

"I'll take that as a no."

"Wow, how did I ever survive with out you… no, but seriously, can I have the comics?"

"…No."

"Why not?"

"Because…"

"yes?"

"You called me _seasoned._"

"dotdotdot."

"…" Smirk."

"You're a bad man."

"…"

"Fine! I don't even think there's any comics in the that newspaper anyway! You're just trying to make me feel bad."

"Stick your tongue out any longer and it might be bitten off."

"…Uh… that was creepy."

"…"

"Yeah, I know, you know."

"Eh, I'm going to go find that etch a sketch now. Catch you later Vince. Don't worry, I'll be back for the comics Broody Mr Brood! Your comics shall never be safe from now on."

"…Are you trying to be menacing again?"

"…yesmaybesortofno."

"Thought so."

_**Doubting Thomas.**_

_A/N: Short, not so much worth the wait I suppose. I hope you enjoy the humor between Yuffie and Vince at the end. I enjoyed writing it, to be honest. _


	46. Balls to the Wall

_**Balls to the wall**_

_**-**_

**Push to the limit; go all out, at full speed.**

_A/N: I've started another story. It's a Never winter Nights 2 story, so if you enjoyed the game please read. Your support is greatly appreciated. There is a reference to a Final Fantasy 7 myth, that I shall talk about at the end of the chapter, since it shall give away the surprise._

"So bored."

"…"

"Tifa, make me not bored… please?"

"Why didn't you go with Cloud and Vincent on that WRO mission?"

"Uh, last time I went anywhere with Vince, we got taken hostage by big scary kitties. I had nightmares."

"You were afraid… of kitties."

"Hell yes! Their teeth were all like… sharp and stuff."

"Yuffie, We killed Sephiroth."

"So? Tifa, you don't understand, Huge, talking kitties, with big pointy teeth."

"No Yuffie, I don't think you understand, Psychotic murderer, with large, sharp sword, and silver hair."

"…Touché."

"If you're so bored, go do something."

"Like what?"

"Uh, go run and run around in the swamp and try not to get caught by the Midgar Zolem."

"Hey… That's a pretty good idea! Thanks Tifa!"

"Wait, I was ki-!"

"Haha, the Midgar Zolem shall eat my ninja dust! Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk."

"dding."

_**Balls to the wall.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Mmm, there's nothing better than icky swamp smell in the morning. Truly, appetizing. Now, let's check my ninja gear, just incase something bad happens. Conformer? Check. Smoke bombs? Check. Gas mask? Check. Rope? Check. Alrighty, time to do some Zolem hunting. Oh gross! I can feel it leaking through my socks! Yuck, yuck, yuck! Yeah well, since I'm here anyway I might as well kill something. "Here Zolem, Zolem. Here boy." Something's not right… usually you take one step in here and the thing is on you like flies on poo. But it's no where. Awfully quiet also. Maybe Cloud finally killed off the bugger. We'd bring it to death, and then it'd sink into the swamp and come after us later. Nothing, Nada. Maybe if I start jumping up and down. "Here boy! I know you want to eat me! Ninja barbeque is the best barbeque!" Nope… Still nothing. Hmm. Maybe I'm too close to the ground… let's try going in a bit farther.

"Here monster, monster!" _Gurggle._ What was that? AHA! There you are beastie come and fight… me. Is… is that a WEAPON!? …Well… I guess it's time for me to use my super ninja speed to… Run away!

_**Balls to the wall.**_

**X-X-X-X**

I think it's gone… I hope it's gone. _Grrr._ It's not gone. Stupid Tifa! It's all your fault that I'm going to die. You just had to tell me to go out here didn't you. Now I'm stuck in this tunnel. And it's out there. I would try and escape out the other side, but from some reason, I doubt a mountain will really stop that thing. It's so black. Well, since I'm going to be killed by you, I'm going to name you. Let it be written in history books, that Yuffie Kisaragi was killed… by the onyx weapon. Sniff. I'll be missed… I hope. Hey I wonder if I get service in here… I DO! YES! Hurry phone… it's staring at me…

"Yuffie?"

"Tifa! Help! I'm being attack by the onyx weapon!"

"…Onyx weapon? Yeah… it's… it's big… and black… and like a mixture between ruby and emerald."

"… Oh my gosh. Yuffie I can see it from here… it's huge. Run, I don't care where, or how just run. As fast as you can. I'll call the others and get help."

"Wait! How am I supposed to run on top of water?!"

"Cloud, he keeps a Gold Chocobo in that mine. Find it and run…"

"alright. Bye…"

"We'll be there to help you in no time."

"uh huh."

Damn it! Why Leviathan, why does this always happen to me?! Damn chocobo head, where'd you put the choco?

_Wark._

Thank you Leviathan, I was just joking around before.

"Alright… Choco, here's the deal. There's a big scary monster out there. It wants to eat us. So, you have to run. And run as fast as you can alright?"

_Grr. WARRRK!_

_**Balls to the wall.**_

_A/N: The myths are: Onyx Weapon is underneath the Midgar Swamp. You must breed a silver chocobo and race it to S class. It can then go underwater. Swim under Midgar Swamp and you'll encounter Onyx Weapon. & If you learn the enemy skill beta, and you fight a lot of midgar zolem's and kill them using only beta, the long shadow will change to a small dot. If you run into the dot, onyx weapon will pop out and you can fight him. These myths have been proven false, but I just felt like including it in my story for fun. Review please!_


	47. Doolally Tap

_**Doolally Tap**_

_**-**_

**Mad.**

_A/N: since no one really liked the last chapter, which I'm guessing is because of the lack of Vincent, this shall be a Vince-centric chapter. _

"Can you believe that?!"

"hm."

"I wonder if Tifa sent me to the swamp to get me killed on purpose."

"Yuffie…"

"Oh. My. Gawd. Are you two like secret lovers? And Cloud and I are the only ones standing between you two getting together and having little kids?"

"…"

"Yeah, I don't really believe it myself. But seriously! I could've died!"

"mhm."

"And you don't care! Some friend you are!"

"But I do care." He says.

"…you do?" Sweet Leviathan this is it… he's going to proclaim his undying love for me, and I'm going to start crying and proclaim my undying lover for him, and then we're going to go get married, do it, then I'll pop out some kids. It'll be perfect.

"Of course, who else would I keep the comics from?" or not.

"I'm not so sure, I like you with a sense of humor."

"…"

"Back to the wonderful dotdotdot's of broody Mc Brood. Bleh, you are so boring sometimes, I swear."

"I try."

"Arg! I'm going to go… storm off and stuff! So Neenah!"

"You are one odd child."

**_Doolally Tap_**.

**X-X-X-X**

I was chased half way around the freaking world for a day, but a huge black weapon. It was all Tifa's fault also! But, I mean, I guess she did say she was kidding, and, she did apologize a lot… but it's still her fault! I've decided not to talk to her for a week. So, I snuck into Vinnie's house then he found me in the closet, and said I could stay. It's been a couple of hours already, and I'll tell you, Vinnie is a neat freak. I pick up some plant and don't set it down in the exact same spot; he comes in, scowls, fixes it, and then leaves the room. Right now he's sitting in the kitchen, reading the newspaper. I already tried to get the comics from him three times. He's such a jerk sometimes… a jerk with very well groomed eye brows. I mean, I'm a girl, and his eye brows are better taken care of then mine. Maybe I should ask him where he gets his eye brows done. But then again, I could probably just snoop in his room, and look for a coupon or something. Hey, that's not a bad idea. To Vincent's room!

**_Doolally Tap_**.

**X-X-X-X**

Eek! Cold floor! Man, I should've worn socks… Bah, can't turn back now. Creaky wood floor, please don't creak. I just want some eye brow coupons. That's all. Hey look, a laundry hamper… hmm. Black boxers. Sweats. Red Boxers. Socks. How boring. It seems our broody Mc brood, does wear other… pants instead of his usual ones. Amazing. If I was an eye brow coupon… where would I be? In a eye brow salon… do they even have eye brow salons? Focus. Alright, here's a stack of papers. Bills. WRO memo. Shopping list. A letter… from Shelke? Oh, Love, Shelke. Hmm. Oh well, it seems like he's already read it anyway. No coupons over here. Maybe they're in his bedside desk. Hey… it's the Christmas present I got him!

"Yuffie."

"…" The only time when I **don't** have an escape plan.

"Out."

"Wait! I can explain, you see. I was thinking about how much better looking your eye brows are then mine. So, I was like Hey! Maybe he gets his done professionally. So, I didn't want to bother you, so I came in here to look for a coupon."

"...Am I supposed to believe that?"

"Yes… because it's the truth."

"Out. Now. Go home, Yuffie."

"But, Vince-"

"Now damn it!"

**_Doolally Tap_**.

_A/N: Yes, mad Vincent. Don't worry, Next chapter he'll come around, and he might even call Yuffie cute. Review please. : Chapter 47 down. How many chapters do you want this story to be?_


	48. Between a Rock and a Hard Place

_**Between a rock and a hard place **_

_**-**_

**To have no good alternatives.**

_A/N: Sorry for the delay! I've been really busy lately. So here's your chapter. If you want to keep up on updates and such you can check out my live journal from time to time, I'll post part of chapters and random writings that I do on it. I'm currently looking for a bleach livejournal layout, so if you know of one, or could possibly make me one, I'll dedicate chapters to you and such. So PM asap if you have the amazing ability to design layouts, since I can do some things, but that is above my ability. http// bleueyz dot livejournal dot com/ . _

"You were in his room?"

"…yes."

"Yuffie! How could you be so… retarded?"

"I don't know! Tifa, you gotta help me. Vince was on the war path. He cussed!"

"Yuffie Kisaragi, how dare you lie to me about such a thing?"

"I'm serious, he said damn it!"

"…"

"Yeah I know, amazing. He was uber pissed. I'm scared, Tifa."

"Well, you should be. You probably just ruined all chances of being with him."

"…My life is over!"

"…You based your whole entire life on a guy who was in a coffin for 30 years?"

"Shut up. I can dream, can't I?"

"Yuffie…"

"I know it's childish… but he's my friend and I don't want him mad at me."

"Friend, hmm?"

"Tifa!"

"Awe how cute you're blushing!"

"SHUT UP! I'm just going to have to apologize."

"uh _huh_."

"Wait why'd you say it like _that_?"

"Well, uh, I think you should, uh, wait a bit more. So Vince can cool off some, you know?"

"He called you didn't he?"

"…"

"Tifa, what'd he say?"

"Yuffie, I'm sure he didn't mea-"

"What'd he say?"

"He told me… that he was disappointed. And that he'd appreciate it if you stopped… going to see him."

"…Oh."

**_Between a Rock and a Hard Place._**

**X-X-X-X**

Who knew all of this crap could have started because of a damn eyebrow coupon! The first time I saw him I knew those eye brows of his were no good. I mean, they were too dark and too well trimmed. I should have listened to my gut. But since I was having some indigestion since Vince makes odd food, I can understand why I didn't listen to it then. All of his food smelt weird. Like for breakfast he made this weird thing called a omelet. It was an egg with some cheese. Why can't he just call it that? He had to get all technical, calling it an omelet. I never got… un-wutain food. They're always so confusing with the names. Big mac? For a second, I actually thought they were talking about huge mac 'n' cheese. Then I was told it was a Hamburger. Oh sweet leviathan I'm a nervous wreck.

_**Between a Rock and a Hard Place.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Yuffie."

"I don't want to go to school today."

"Yuffie…"

"Mom, get out."

"Yuffie!"

"What?! I told you to get out mom! …sorry, Tifa."

"Come on get out of bed."

"No."

"You've been in that bed for a week. You're pale, you need to eat something and clean up. Someone's here to see you."

"No, I'm going to starve! I deserve it, I'm a horrible person. Who would want to see me anyway? I'm terrible. I should be shot."

"Trust me, you want to get up for this one."

"No."

"Yuffie."

"No, Tifa."

"Fine…"

**2 minutes later.**

"…"

"Tifa, I told you, I'm not getting up. Let me wallow in self pity."

"hn…"

"Wow, Tifa what happened to your voice you sound like a dud-"

"Hello, Yuffie."

"V-Vince."

"…"

"…"

"I… apologize."

"What? No no no no no! You don't need to apologize, Vince! I'm the one that should! I'm sorry, I apologize, please forgive me! I let my curiosity get the better of me and I went in your room! I apologize."

"…cute."

"What?!"

"Food."

"what?"

"You need food."

"…I swear you're psychic!"

"No. Your stomach is just loud."

"Hey!"

_**Between a Rock and a Hard Place.**_


	49. Call a Spade A Spade

_**Call a spade a spade**_

**_-_**

**Speak one's mind, put things bluntly.**

_A/n: I hate school --' Super short. But it's the best I can do currently._

"So, uh… Vince?"

"hm?"

"Why'd you get all freaked out when you found me in your room?"

"…"

"I mean, it's not like you had anything… naughty in there… did you?"

"…naughty?"

"You know like…"

"Yuffie."

"Yes?"

"If you're asking I had a secret stash of pornography, no."

"Well, why'd you get all pissed then?"

"No reason."

"…you mean I totally freaked out and almost died of malnourishment because of **no reason**?"

"I didn't tell you to stop eating."

"… Ugh! You are unbelievable. But really, what was the reason?"

"…"

"Come on tell me!"

"Do you… really want to know?"

"Yes! Tell me!"

"…"

"Come on!"

"…"

"Hurry!"

"…secret."

"AH! I hate you! I'm going to go and storm off and… stuff."

"…"

_5 minutes later_

"Uh, Vincent, I know I asked you to get Yuffie to come back and all, but don't you think yelling at her was a bit… harsh?"

"Not at all, Tifa."

**Call a Spade a Spade.**


	50. Bank On

_**Bank on **_

_**-**_

**Count or depend on.**

_A/N: so it's been a week… or two. To make it up to all of you, during spring break, which is in 5 days from the 25th of march. Till then. Chapter 50 Yay! _

"Hey Yuffie."

"Yeah Tifa?"

"I bet you can't go a day without saying one word to Vincent."

"What?"

"I bet you can't go a day without saying one word to Vincent."

"Psh, of course I can."

"Would you like to make a little wager on that?"

"Sure. Let's see, if I go a day without saying one word to Vin, you have to give me a month full of paid vacation days."

"If you say a word to Vincent, you have to baby-sit Denzel and Marlene everyday after they come home from school."

"…" Aw crap, how did I know she was going to say that…

"Hmm?"

"DEAL! You're on!"

"Alright, tomorrow you have to go a day, without talking to Vincent."

"Alrighty."

_**Bank on.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Psh, I've gone weeks without talking to Vince, this is going to be a piece of cake. But… what if he thinks I'm giving him the silent treatment and that I hate him? Blah, this is part of Tifa's plan to psyche me out I bet, Vince isn't that touchy. Yeah a piece of cake.

_**Bank on.**_

**X-X-X-X**

A minute and 25 seconds till five o'clock. Damn. Maybe I can go hide in the bathroom like I use to? Crap! He's here early.

"Hello Yuffie."

"…"

"…"

"Whoa! Did you get your eyebrows trimmed?! Wait, augh! Damn it! Tifa you knifing-"

"You better hurry down to Midgar Elementary, Denzel and Marlene get out of school soon."

"You should note, Tifa, that you just made a very potent enemy, you shall pay in more ways than one."

_A minute later_

"Haha, so that's the gist of the story Vincent."

"…You poor soul."

"…Vincent?"

"I suggest you get off this continent."

"What, should I be scared of Yuffie or something?"

"Terrified, actually."

_**Bank on.**_


	51. As the bell clinks, so the fool thinks

**_As the bell clinks, so the fool thinks_**

_**-**_

**a foolish person believing what she desires.**

"You warned Tifa?!"

"…"

"I mean come on Vince; it was supposed to be like a game of cat and mouse! What'd you tell her anyway? She's always nervous when I'm around and tries to get out of the room really fast."

"I told her…"

"Dramatic pause anyone? You really need to stop doing that, it's annoying."

"Yuffie."

"Arg! Finish your god damn sentence!"

"…to be terrified."

"Hahaha! Are you serious?"

"…" Nod.

"Oh my gawd, Vince, I love ya, you know that?"

"…"

"EW! Not like that, who would want to date an icky vampire old guy anyway?!"

"…Denial."

".. H-HEY! Come back, where are you going?! I need you to stay here for my plan."

"…Plan?"

"Well, duh."

"What kind of plan?"

"A Good one."

"…"

"…"

"…."

"What broody, got a problem?"

"Your plans are not usually that…"

"Dramatic pause, again. God learn how to say more than six words at once please!"

"…Successful."

"BAH! That's because I'm going up against Freaking Vincent Valentine, the broody Mc brood. FYI: No one can beat you at anything. You are the awesomeness."

"…?"

"Don't raise your eyebrow at me. If you want to ask something, say it."

"…"

"ARG! You are so anit-social. Come on, we're going up to my room and coming up with a plan! Onward!"

"…"

"Shut up."

**_As the bell clinks, so the fool thinks._**

**X-X-X-X**

Hmm Tifa sure is a suspecting victim, instead of an unsuspecting victim. Haha she's all paranoid. But, then again, if _Vince_ told me to be terrified of something, I'd be freaking scared to death. Vince is probably one of the scariest people I know. I don't know, I feel sort of bad about going through with this plan, but it's for her own good. Giving me, Yuffie the GREAT ninja, baby sitting duty. Not cool.

_**As the bell clinks, so the fool thinks.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"So, Uh Vincent…"

"…Yes, Tifa?"

"Has Yuffie said anything about… you know, getting me back."

"Well…"

"Welllll?"

"She asked me for advice on some things."

"Those things would be?"

"Guns and such."

"You don't think she'd… no she wouldn't…"

_**BANG!**_

"…"

"Oh my god, the kids!"

"…"

"Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk, Vince you are an evil guy. Now we just sit and wait for the trap to go off."

"why didn't you…"

"If you dramatic pause one more time, my foot is going up your skinny butt."

"play a trick on Tifa yourself?"

"Dude, have you seen her arms?! She could snap me like a twig!"

_**As the bell clinks, so the fool thinks.**_


	52. Wet Blanket

_**Wet blanket **_

_**-**_

**An unenthusiastic person.**

_A/N: Yeah so much for 3 chapters a day --'. I came down with the stomach flu, and I was barfing most of spring break. Gomen. Short and sweet Yuffie Vincent interaction in this one._

"Today's going to be a good day, Vince! I mean, it is Good Friday."

"Yuffie."

"Hmm?"

"I think you've… misinterpreted the meaning of Good Friday."

"Psh, no I haven't! It's because it's the universal good day where nothing bad can happen."

"…"

"What?"

"…"

"Don't look at me like that then sigh. Say something damn you!"

"Where… did you come up with this… ludicrous idea?"

"Marlene."

"Oh God…"

"Well, Mr. Broody Mc Brood, why exactly is it called Good Friday then?!"

"…Friday before Easter."

"Uh… you know, it's very hard to understand what the hell you're saying when you speak in sentence fragments. I mean there's only a couple _hundred_ of possibilities! 'I masturbated to your picture the Friday before Easter.' Or 'I killed a man and stole his wife the Friday before Easter.' Then there's the 'I ate some peeps the Friday before Easter."

"They call it good Friday because; it is the Friday before Easter."

"Whoa you said eleven words! Congrats Vince! This calls for celebration! In the words of Jack Sparrow, 'wait for the opportune moment' Well the opportune moment is now! Talley hoe!"

"…Don't pirates and Ninja… hate each other?"

"Uh, Vince? Have you ever heard the term _actor_?"

"…"

_**Wet Blanket.**_


	53. What the Dickens!

**_What the Dickens?!_**

**_- _**

**An exclamation of surprise!**

_A/N: Read and Review please! I absolutely love hearing from all of you. **NOTE: looking for ever more Beta-er's I'm aiming to get a Beta-er army. If you're up for the job, PM me. (go to my profile, and hit send message) Only message me if you're confident you can beta my chapters as fast as possible. And the whole beta process will be, I send you the chapter as an attachment from Microsoft word. You open the attachment, read through the chapter, fix mistakes, then email it back to me as an attachment.**_

"What the Dickens?!"

"…"

"Why are you touching my forehead?"

"…no fever."

"Of course I don't have a fever, silly!"

"…"

" 'Geez Yuffie, why'd you say what the Dickens?!' 'I never thought you'd ask Vince! So yesterday, Tifa was watching this soap opera, it was called the days of our lives… I think. Well anyway, this guy comes in, and his wife and the gardner and pool boy are having an affair, and he goes, 'what the dickens,' and since then I've been saying it none stop!"

"…Ah."

"Bah, you don't have the sense of humor to be able to appreciate a weird saying, gosh. It's just like one of those words, that whenever you say it, you start giggling."

"…?"

"You know like, hehe Eghad! Or something!"

"…"

"Eh stop looking at me like that."

"…" **Bzzz.**

"Hey, I think your ass is vibrating."

"…So it seems."

"Who is it?"

"Reeve…"

"Ohhhh! Let me talk to him!"

" 'Ello! Mr. Valentine is busy right now! May I please take ye' message. What the Dickens! I'll have ye' know, I'm ¾ British! An' I don't appreciate you questioning me accent. Bloody hell, will you just shut up! Away with Ye'!" Click.

"…since when?"

"Eh, I'm a ninja; I can do Australian, German, Canadian and Spanish also! Want to hear?"

_**What the Dickens?!**_

_A/N: Hehe. Review please!_


	54. Down in the Dumps

_**Down in the Dumps**_

_**-**_

**Depressed, low, dejected.**

_A/N: So uh… my Dell suddenly turned into a Mac. Because I can't right click any more. Yuffie-centric chapter here, but there is an awfully cute Yuffentine scene at the end. Some may argue that Yuffie is out of character, but there are two sides to a coin, and I believe Yuffie can have her sad moments._

"Wow, I feel guilty, you know… since I can't go visit your grave, Mom. I know, as soon as I step into the city, Dad's going to call all of the suitors he's found for me. I can't take that right now. He just doesn't get it. I'm, Yuffie Kisaragi, the greatest ninja, EVER! And all he can think about is finding someone for me to marry. It's like he won't acknowledge the real me, Mom. I miss you… I miss you a lot. Do you remember how you told me never to speak to strangers when I was little? Well I did. In a forest near Junon. There was this chocobo head and these two chicks with him. They had some serious materia. I mean serious. So, I attacked them… and got my ass handed to me. But, since I talked to them, I got a chance to save the world _twice_. Wutai isn't as bad as it use to be. Plus I've met some amazing people. For example, there's this one girl named Tifa, and she's strung up on Cloud, but he's strung up on a girl he couldn't save. She reminds me a lot of you, Mom. Always putting up with my stupid jokes, and mistakes. I also met this guy, named Vincent. He's quiet, and has a pretty crappy past. He loved some girl 36 years ago and he still loves her. To be honest Mom, I'm sort of jealous. Vince is a really great guy, if you get past the aloof attitude and the glares. He's a really great person, but he keeps hurting himself because of that girl he loved. I want to help him, Mom, but he won't let me. He won't let anyone… It seems like all I've done since you've been gone Mom, is cry. Hah I'm crying now. You always told me, smile Yuffie, even if you're sad. So I'm smiling, Mom. But I miss you, and I can't stop crying because you mean the world to me. But Vince means the world to me also. And that's probably half of the reason I'm not in Wutai right now. Because I know if I left, he'd miss me, and I'd miss him also. You see Mom, I want to help him, and I want to help him since I couldn't' help you. But I can't figure out how. No matter what I do or say, all I can do is watch him, Mom. Watching him, is like watching you… being eaten from the inside out by some invisible disease. But a little hardship won't stop me, Mom! I'll save him. I promise."

"…Yuffie."

"Oh, Hey Broody Mc Brood! How long have ya been standing there?"

"… long… enough."

"Heh! Just working on my acting skills, you know."

"…Lying."

"Hmph." Geez, he was right when he said he could tell when I was lying. Please go inside, please go inside. Damn it, he's coming closer… Wow, talk about a dream come true, being hugged from behind by Vince… gawd, I hope I'm not red.

"I…want to be saved."

_**Down in the Dumps.**_


	55. Whited Sepulcher

_**Whited Sepulcher**_

**_- _**

**Hypocrite.**

_A/N: Hmm, I came up with the greatest idea for a new story. A story about Tifa and Yuffie and the daily psychos, drunks, and turks they have to deal with. If you'd be interested, Review saying so._

"Yuffie, could you vacuum upstairs? Shelke and Shalua are stopping by today!"

"Gag! Are you trying to make me choke?"

"What?"

"I was drinking water…"

"…Shelke."

"Ga- GYAH! Stop it!"

"…"

"…"

"Shelke."

"Ga- …"

"Heh, awe come on how can someone's name make you gag? Yuffie, I thought you were more mature than this."

"…Aerith."

"Gag! -insert vomiting noise here-"

"…And that was how Tifa ended up barfing on your shoes, Vince."

"…"

"Yeah, I know what you mean. She really shouldn't be cursing the dead like that. You'll get hunted that way."

"…Haunted."

"Psh, have you ever played silent hill? They hunt you like a freaking Jaguar!"

_**Whited Sepulcher.**_


	56. A Sledgehammer to Crack a Nut

**_A sledgehammer to crack a nut_**

**_-_**

**Using disproportionate force or expense to overcome a minor problem.**

"Dude! I just had the greatest idea ever!"

"…"

"Since your tin feet got Tifa Chunks© on 'em, we're going boot shopping!"

"…"

"Yeah, I came up with that… Tifa Chunks© I'm so going to sell your shoes on eBay."

"…"

"You know, you might as well _say_ dear god, since you're obviously thinking it."

"…mine."

"Not anymore, Bud. Mine!"

"…"

"Was that supposed to be a puppy dog look? Cause it sort of looks like you having indigestion… see the puppy dog look is when you stick your lip out, and make your eyes water and then you have to sniff. And in a really small voice say… pwease. Now you have to make it seem like you can't say your 'L's or else-"

"…Mine."

"Wow… you're kind of scary. Come on, I'm buying you new boots. Right now! Come on."

"…"

"If you don't like anything, I'll get you some boots the same as your old ones!"

"…Okay…"

_**A Sledgehammer to Crack a Nut.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"So, how'd it go, Yuff?"

"It went great, his new boots are so much cooler than those tin cans, he even thought so!"

"…So your plan went well I presume?"

"Yup. So, how much do you want for doing me that favor and making yourself vomit?"

"5000 gil."

"5000?! Holy shit!"

"I just ate chunky peanut butter before hand…"

"Gross… I guess it was worth it. I finally got rid of those damn boots! Next is his gauntlet… Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk."

_**A Sledgehammer to Crack a Nut.**_

_A/N: Yes! It was all a conspiracy! MUAHAHAHAH! Yuffie's conspiracy planning is even starting to surprise me… review please! And go read Family by __Aknskywalker and in your review vote B. BECAUSE I SAID SO:D and if B actually wins, you'll all get something! I haven't decided what yet, but, you can tell me what you want in your review ___


	57. Wild Goose Chase

**_Wild goose chase_**

**_-_**

**A Hopeless quest.**

"…Whatcha holding?"

"…"

"…Seriously, what is it?"

"…"

"It looks like an old piece of paper. Where'd you get it?"

"Found."

"…What is it?"

"…" Glare.

"…Dude, is it a treasure map?"

"…maybe."

"Oh…"

"Farewell…"

"Bye." Psh, he's going to go find the treasure with that map, guess I'm just going to have to tag along… aren't I? Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk!

_**Wild Goose Chase. **_

**X-X-X-X**

"What do you mean we're lost?!"

"…Yuffie."

"Gawd, can't you even read a map? Jeez, are you always this inept?"

"…"

"Hehe, Just kidding. But seriously, which ways the treasure."

"This way…"

"It's under Edge… cool! Wait, are we going to have to go in the sewers?"

"…"

"Gross. Just Nasty... What's the map say now?"

"Right."

"Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk! I bet there's going to be loads of gil, and it was all buried by ShinRa!"

"Here."

"It's under a super market."

"…I never said it was a map."

"You conned me into going grocery shopping with you!"

"For."

"Oh, I _apologize_, you conned me into going grocery shopping _for_ you."

"…Tifa."

"Gawd, give me the freaking list."

_**Wild Goose Chase.**_


	58. Aid and abet

**_Aid and abet_**

**_-_**

**To help and encourage, usually in the commission of a crime or anti-social act.**

_A/N: Sorry for the long wait, I've been busy sneezing 3 times in a row due to allergies. Have a nice read and review please._

"Come on!"

"…"

"Please? It'll be worth your while."

"…"

"It's not that hard, all you do is go in the store, grab the item, shove it in your cloak and walk out. It's not that hard."

"…You want me to shop lift?"

"Well…"

"No."

"Come on, no one would bother you, the ladies a sucker for hot guys, you're dead sexy so, you could get away with it."

"…Ninja."

"Yeah well… um… let's just say I sort of… kinda… might know her…"

"…?"

"Come on just do it!"

"…fine."

"Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Take that Chekov! Not only am I a ninja! I have persuasion skills of a goddess!"

_**Aid and abet.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"And since you helped me, and I did say it'd be worth your while, you don't have to talk to me."

"…"

"Yes, Very hard I know."

"…"

"I mean… who wouldn't want to talk to me? All of the customers at the bar love talking to me."

"…"

"Especially Reno."

"…"

"Hey! Put the gun away! Alright, I told you, there's nothing between me and turkey."

"…?"

"Positive."

"…?"

"Do you doubt me? How rude!"

"…"

"Not as in the person rude… gosh you're paranoid."

"…"

"Yeah, you have a point there."

"…"

"Getting a little conceited there aren't cha, buddy?"

"…"

"Yeah well, I'm bored. I'm going to go take a bath or something. See ya Vince! Have fun being anti-social!"

"…"

"ACK You pervert!"

"…?"

"Haha Just kidding!"

_**Aid and abet.**_


	59. Steal One's Thunder

_**Steal One's Thunder**_

_**-**_

**Someone 'steals your thunder' when they use your ideas or inventions to their own advantage.**

_A/n: Haven't really had much time to write lately. So I apologize. I'm running for office in my school so it's been crazy all week. It's going to be crazy for next week also, sorry._

_**NOTICE: I've noticed that some of my fans have written ficclets that are very similar to my unique style… I'm honored really. But all I have to say is to try your own thing. If you truly want to write a great Yuffentine, develop your own writing style. I've noticed that some people that write like me have been flamed, and that's probably because, you're just writing the conversations… you may not notice but I make a big point of hinting at what's going on in a room by people thoughts and things they say. The only reason I write like this is because it's easiest for me. That's all.**_

"GAWD I am so angry. I mean for real like freaking mass murderer angry. You want to know why I'm angry, Vince?"

"No… but you're going to tell me anyway…"

"…You know how I peer pressured you into shop lifting for me? Wellllll, Shake took all the credit."

"…"

"Outrageous I know. I mean I'm the one who went through all the trouble to get you to do it. Do you know how difficult you can be?"

"…I-"

"No, I don't think you know."

"Hm."

"She totally like… stole my thunder…"

"…"

"Yeah I really would like a hug and some ice cream."

"I didn't-"

"To coldstone we go!"

_**Steal one's Thunder.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Got any ideas how I can get her back?"

"Yuffie…"

"You're acting very immature, she is but a child and you are a 20-year-old women, blah blah blahhh right? Well, you know what Vince? That is exactly why you're so anti-social."

"Being…logical makes me anti-social?"

"Of course, logic is for old people. Try living on the wild side, I mean, If I were you, and I had a demon in my head that could fly, I'd go egg some houses."

"…for some reason… I can imagine you doing that."

"Well, duh, because I egged the kid that beat up Denzel's house. I wasn't flying though… I mean, it was pretty fun, but it would have been so much more fun, if I was flying."

"…"

"Don't look so surprised. Even I know that fun-er isn't a word."

"…Impressed."

"HEY!... wait you're trying to distract me and my attention span of a kitchen sink from plotting against shake. Broody Mc Brood you are a very potent protagonist."

"…Antagonist…"

"…Nerd."

_**Steal One's Thunder.**_


	60. Tell it to the Marines

_**Tell it to the marines**_

_**-**_

**A scornful response to a tall and unbelieved story.**

_A/N: Answer the poll in your review._

_How many chapters should __Could Do Without__ be?_

_A: 100_

_B: 100+_

_C: your own number._

"Then you know what he did?"

"…no."

"He stabbed the guy in the jugular with his thumb! Yeah, his freaking thumb!"

"That's impossible."

"Psh, I saw it with my own two eyes!"

"The force needed to break the skin and reach a major artery would break his thumb."

"Whoa, you just said… 16 words… but anyway, I'm serious he did it."

"…"

"And I'm still here because I ran away. I bolted."

"When?"

"Right after the blood started spurting out kill bill style."

"…"

"Oh you mean when did this happen? It happened earlier today."

"…No one?"

"Well, I noticed… Unless you're calling me a nobody."

"…"

"Do you really think I'm a nobody, Vince?"

"…Where'd you hear this?"

"Uh you just called me one."

"No. The serial thumb murderer."

"I told you I sa-"

"…"

"A little birdie told me…"

"Hmm."

_**Tell it to the Marines**_

**X-X-X-X**__

Gawd, how'd he know I didn't see it? Well, duh, Yuffie, one Blood doesn't squirt out kill bill style and two, I guess I would have been more freaked out if I really saw it. No, I didn't mess up, he can just read minds. That's it. Not only can he read minds, I bet he eats them also, like that one guy off of that show Heroes. That show is great. I spend half the time wondering what the hell is going on, then it's over. Great TV right there. Che, I'm going to go beat up Denzel for giving me a craptastic story. Well maybe I should give him a break… because it did get Vince to say more than 6 words… eh, I'll still beat him up anyway. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk!

_**Tell it to the Marines.**_


	61. By and Large

_**By and Large**_

_**-**_

**On the whole; generally speaking; all things considered.**

_A/n: Summer! Please review and the vote is still intact, and B is currently in the lead, which is 100+ chapters. Also the Vincent and Marlene buddy buddy scene is from Advent Children. Also, if you'd like to get in touch with me, go to my profile and click on my homepage. _

"So, I heard Tifa and Cloud talking… You and Marlene are pretty buddy-buddy huh?"

"If you could call it that."

"So you are a pedophile."

"…"

"Your infatuation with me is your old man perverted-ness then? Gross."

"…There's a fine line between infatuation and nausea."

"I don't know if I should slap you for being rude, or hug you for making a joke."

"…"

"No, but, seriously… why are you and Marlene such good friends?"

"…?"

"It's not like I'm jealous of a seven-year-old… Or anything…"

"Of course…"

"Hey! I'm serious. But really I want to know…"

"…positive?"

"Absolutely!"

"…I saved her doll."

"…From zombies?"

"…a deceptacon."

"…you played pretend with a little girl… wow…Just wow. Barret put you up to it didn't he?"

"…Said I "owed" him."

"Wow, Vince. I'm never going to be able to look at you the same way. But I can't really blame it on the deceptacon thing, the whole seeing me naked thing is part of it, also."

_**By and Large.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Gee, I can't believe Vince played dolls. Crazy... This is perfect blackmail material… Nyuk, Nyuk, nyu- Who dare interrupt my evil laughter?!

"Hello?"

"Princess Yuffie."

"ACK! It's…. you!"

_**By and Large.**_


	62. Hobson's Choice

_**Hobson's choice**_

_**-**_

**No choice at all - the only option being the one that is offered to you.**

"Hey Vincent."

"Tifa."

"Uh… how are you?"

"…fine. And yourself?"

"Heh… I could be better…"

"Tifa?"

"Vincent… Yuffie's gone missing…"

"…"

"Vince?"

_**Hobson's Choice.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Okay… so let's analyze the events shall we… I'm somewhere dark, dank and creepy. And I have absolutely no frickin' clue how I got here. The only think I remember was opening the door and that… Psycho was standing there. He was the only suitor Dad picked that never gave up. He kept stalking me, and asking me to marry him. He also had those sociopath eyes… gawd was he creepy…Come on brain, function right, it shouldn't be that hard. Right, Vincent left, Sociopath Shang showed up… then… then… He kidnapped me! Sociopath Shang kidnapped me… Then that would mean I'm in…

"Hello, Princess."

"My father put you up to this didn't he?"

"You have been… promised to me by your father, darling white rose of Wutai. I've waited… far too long."

"Uh… can you be any creepier? And Promised to you, ha, that old man doesn't own me. So his promise means bull, now let me go, so I can open up a can of whoop ass oh you and be on my way back to edge."

"You won't be going back there ever again."

"…and why exactly is that?"

"Because we are to be wed, in a day and after tomorrow, you shall be my wife. And we will rule over Wutai together."

"…You're sick…"

"I just can't wait to sink my teeth into your pretty little skin. Good day, Princess."

…Shit, I'm screwed.

_**Hobson's Choice.**_


	63. Make Him an Offer He can't Refuse

_**Make Him and Offer He can't Refuse**_

_**-**_

**The 'offer' being 'do as I say or I'll kill you'.**

_A/N: Sorry for the wait. School. Bleh. Review, please. Tifa's Seventh Heaven, has no new chapters, because, Yuffie's kidnapped. And it's about Tifa and Yuffie, no Yuffie, no chapters. SORRY! Some say I have no plot from chapter 20-60. It's called a drabble, smart guy._

"So… you're behind this. I never thought you'd stoop this low… **Godo**."

"Yuffie, don't blame this one on me. This is your fault for not coming home."

"My fault? My **fault**? Because I actually wanted a life? Because I wasn't your perfect little daughter? You're practically selling me to a psycho rapist!"

"Yuffie Jade Kisaragi, silent! Don't you dare put me through the grief your mother did. Now, your mother loved this country as much as you did, but she was as wild as you are and that got her killed. Are you just going to give up on the country your mother died for?"

"You dirty bastard."

"Yuffie-"

"Don't deny it; you're using my dead mother against me. You're a bastard, and you know it! You even admit that she was wild like me, and you're forcing me to marry someone?"

"Better Shang then one of those- those terrorists!"

"Vinnie. Is. NOT. A. Terrorist!"

"That's right… you're a terrorist also. Going up against ShinRa, were you mad? Out of your mind maybe? You could have died! You could have been used against Wutai. You put this whole entire town at risk."

"I was out there gathering the materia that has made this town flourish after all those years of war. It was because of me! I'm the only reason this town isn't as bad as it use to be! ME! Not you, not Shang, not anyone here, it was me!"

"Stupid girl… the materia you brought did nothing. The town flourished because the people thought their princess would return. They've been waiting for you for four years Yuffie, four years. That's a very long time, and they can't wait anymore."

"Yeah… and you'd know because you're out there walking amongst them all the freaking time! Ha! You never use to leave the Pagoda! And you still don't! You think you know them! Ha, your head has gotten fat with age."

"At least I've been there for them. I'm going to leave you now, and give you some time to think-"

"There's nothing to think about. You either let me out now, or you'll pay. And it will be in blood instead of gil."

_**Make Him and Offer He can't Refuse.**_


	64. Catch 22

_**Catch 22**_

_**-**_

**A paradox in which the attempt to escape makes escape impossible. **

_A/N: For those of you complaining there's no main plot… it's a drabble, the stories aren't supposed to be a continuation. Also, the underlying plot is Yuffie and Vincent getting together. I'm co-authoring with aknskywalker, the story is called, Out of Your League. It's on her page. Please go and read it! The great Yuffentine of this story, and the great Cloti of Family. _

I have exactly 4 hours 22 minutes and 34 seconds before I'm going to be forced to marry Shang. Now it's 4 hours 22 minutes and 45 seconds. Time's running out, and I have no clue how I'm going to get out of Wutai. Everyone here knows me; Shang has guards placed all around the pagoda. Shit! I don't want to get married! Especially, not to him. My dreams of being Mrs. Valentine… are squashed… by a psycho sociopath named Shang! ARG! Why, do you hate me Leviathan? Why? Maybe this is all a really bad dream… There's no place like home… wait… technically… I am home. Gawd! Why does my life have to suck like this? Damn it! Yuffie Kisaragi. Get yourself together. You are a great ninja. Now, stop whining and think of an escape plan, so you can yell at Vince for not coming to rescue you… Okay, I'm back.

"Ms. Kisaragi!" Oh gross… it's like a drag queen…

"UH… may I help you?"

"No, no! We're here to help you!" Oh gawd… _it_ has a mole… right there… not to mention those terrible eye brows…

"We're here to help you prepare for your wedding!"

"You're kidding me, right?"

"haha you silly goose, now come on! We must go down to the main house!" Not only am I going to get married to a sociopath, and I am going to look like a drag queen also… I think I'm going to cry…

_**Catch 22.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"What's the plan, Vince?"

"…"

"You're just going to have me drop you off at Wutai, and you'll go in guns blazing?"

"…I will call you when we need to be picked up."

"You're a crazy sonovabitch… you know that?"

_**Catch 22.**_

**X-X-X-X**

Maybe escaping won't be as hard as I thought. There are no guards. Only me and drag queen. Who sounds so much like a guy… gross. Hell, for all I know, it could be a guy… but, it had breasts… but those could be fake… it has an Adam's apple also… Yuffie! Focus! Escape. So, there's a totally of 5 exits from this room. Two doors and 3 windows. One door leads to upstairs, and the other door leads to down stairs, but there's bound to be guards at the bottom. Now, if I hoped out the window, and traveled on the roof for a bit, I might be able to sneak past the guards. But I have no clue if I wouldn't be seen. For all I know, there could be snipers… or ninja wielding shuriken … but I am also a ninja who wields a shuriken… Hmm. Well, if I'm going to make a run for it… now's my chance.

"So, Ms. Yuffie what do you think of my hair?" Dear god, how could something so ugly, create something so beautiful… it's perfect…

"It's great! Well, I need to use the bathroom so… I'll be going!" Damn it! The doors locked! Shit! The window!

"Where do you think you're going Ms. Kisaragi?"

"Are those nunchuks?"

A drag queen wielding nunchuks… now that is scary…

_**Catch 22.**_


	65. Get Underway

_**Get underway**_

_**-**_

**Being a journey or project.**

_A/N: No, Tifa's Seventh Heaven isn't dead. A chapter will be put up soon. _

Ugh… my head… Gawd, that Drag Queen was one _tough_ broad… it… whatever. "Where… where am I?" Bright white lights… what is this? The dead zone?

"You are 2 minutes away from being my bride." Mental note: When dizzy, don't sit up fast, you're just going to fall down.

"Whaddya mean 2 minutes? It was 4 hours ago a couple seconds ago." Wow, I sound like a mentally retarded seal…

"Ah, you were foolish enough to go up against Ms. Yun. She's been the Wutai nun chuck champion for the last 23 years." So it is a she… a very ugly she…

"Ah, well, I still have to get ready, so it has to be postponed."

"That's been taken care of." Damn it, why didn't I noticed I was in a wedding dress earlier?

"Ah well uhh…"

"If you'll excuse me, I must go wait at the other end of the alter. Godo, you'll take care of things here?"

"Of course."

"…"

"…"

_One minute later._

"…"

"…"

"Well this is awkward… with you pretty much handing Wutai and I to a sociopath on a silver plater." Take that jerk.

"Everything I've done has been for the good of Wutai. Now come, it's time for you to be wed."

_**Get underway.**_

**X-X-X-X**

So this is how it ends. I end up being a bride to a sociopath, and I'm going to get to sit inside all day and look pretty for the rest of my life. Great. Just great. Being married to brick wall Vincent Valentine would even be better than this. I mean, I'd probably get shot if I married him…

"'We are gathered together to join these two people in holy matrimony, of Ms. Yuffie Kisaragi, and Shang Xiao." Stupid Preacher. Wait a second… I recognize that voice.

"VINNIE?! What the hell are you doing here?"

"Infidel! Unhand her!"

"Shut up, Shang! What took you so long?! I was shanghai-ed (Shanghai-ed: To be taken without one's permission, snatched away, often when drugged; no pun intended with Shang's name being Shang…) , and the best thing you can think of to save me is to pretend to be a preacher at my wedding? You Jackass! Where were you when there was that drag queen with the nun chucks?"

"…I apologize." I don't think I've ever been this happy to see Vince in my whole entire life…

"Whatever. Let's just get out of here before Sociopath Shang decides to… you didn't need to shoot him. That punch would have sufficed."

"…"

"Well, yeah it was just his leg, but still! He could have a heart attack!"

"…"

"Yeah I don't really care either! Now let's bolt!"

_**Get Underway.**_


	66. Take Umbrage

**_Take umbrage_**

**_-_**

**To be displeased or offended by the actions of others.**

_A/N: Long time no see… I'm thinking of finishing this story. It's been a fun almost year. I might end it at 70. I might not. If someone can convince me otherwise, then CDW will continue. I do want to continue this, but i'm not sure if all you readers still enjoy it. In exactly;  
73 days.  
13 hours.  
54 minutes.  
31 seconds till it's been the one year anniversary. :3 I'm pumped._

"Took you long enough!" Stupid jerk. He could have come up stairs and rescued me, but no, he had to wait till I almost married that… that… that abomination!

"I… apologize."

"Don't look at me like that. Just because you're starring at me doesn't mean I'm going to forgive you. I was almost married… Alright, Vince? I don't think you realize how terrible that is."

"So… you never want to be married?" … nice one, Yuffie. Hey conscience, zip it. I'm trying to think here.

"Well, not to **that, **that's for sure. But maybe if I meet the right vam-guy." Smooth, as sand paper.

"…"

"Yeah, let's all laugh at Yuffie's misfortune." Yeah, that shut him up.

"…Yuffie?"

"If you couldn't tell already, I'm trying to ignore you. And you're making it very hard, with you standing over me and all. Go sit in the corner, and leave me alone."

"…"

"I meant your own corner. This one is currently occupied with me and my fat bum." I feel so violated, he's in my bubble.

"…You're not fat."

"Well, I'm going to be once I finished eating all of these cookies." Mmm… Chocolate chip.

"…Give me the box."

"So, first you try to steal my corner, and now it's my cookies?! I don't think so, bust- Dear gawd, never make that face again. Every time you make that face, 2.5 babies die? You want the cookies, you take the cookies."

"2.5?"

"Yeah two die, one goes mentally handicapped. It's that horrifying."

"…"

"This is no laughing matter. Hey, I'm serious. Make that face again, and next time you have a hissy fit, I'm going to leave you in that coffin of yours."

"I apologize."

"You have to promise me you won't make that face, EVER again."

"…Promise."

"Now that that's over with, I've been meaning to ask you something…"

"…?"

"Where the hell did you get a preacher outfit? Did you get it off eBay?"

"…Secret."

"What?! Come on, you can tell me! We're best friends. I'll hug you if you tell me."

"…No."

"I hope you realize what you've gotten yourself into. I'm going to sit here. In this corner and glare at you till you tell me."

"…"

"Don't you shrug your shoulders at me! Hey, where are you going?"

"…Milk."

"Milk?! What do you need milk for?"

"…Cookies."

"Hey, those are my chocolate chip cookies! Give them back, Heathen!" That conniving vam-guy. I guess I'll have to get him back for this one. Hmmm, maybe I should ransack his house. Or steal all of his boxers. Then all his materia also. Hmm. I think I need to pay a visit to his house. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.

"Cloud! Yuffie has the 'I'm-plotting-a-sinister-plot-to-steal-all-your-crap' face!"

"Denzel, you have five seconds." Stupid brat.

_**Take Umbrage.**_


	67. Rack and Ruin

**_Rack and ruin_**

**_-_**

**Complete destruction.**

_A/N: Since all of you guys were nice enough to review. (30 reviews people, WOO!) Since you all would still like to continue reading this. And I'd love to continue writing. I'll go past 70 chapters. The one year anniversary is coming up, so keep reviewing. I want to reach 1000 reviews before that happens. Reviews please._

Hello all. And welcome to the 'how am I supposed to infiltrate Vinnie's house so I can ransack his underwear drawer' meeting. Conscience, Inner Klepto, Cloud Hater, Vincent Worshiper, and Girly girl. Nice to see you could make it. Now that we're all assembled, let's start the meeting. Does anyone, have any idea how we're going to get into his house?

'OH OH! I know.'

'Yes Vincent Worshiper?'

'We tie him up, then we-'

'Don't even think about continuing. You know what? You're banned to the farthest reaches of my mind. Sayonara.'

'That was mean, Yuffie.'

'Shut up, Conscience. Or you can go hang with Vincent Worshiper in the abyss.'

'…'

'That's what I thought! Well, Cloud hater, Girly girl, Inner Klepto, got any ideas?'

'We could throw Cloud at his house.'

'Uh… no.'

'Like, Oh my gawd, we could like, plant flowers in his front yard, and he'd be afraid to come like back and stuff.'

'You're banned to the abyss, also.'

'How about we lure him away with fake bait, then sneak into his apartment and pillage it before he comes back?'

'Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner. What would I do without you, Inner Klepto?'

'Suck at stealing stuff.'

'It was Rhetoric. Anyway, this meeting is adjourned. You can all go back to doing whatever you guys do all day. This inner monologue was really fun. Bye guys, see you next week. Same time, same place.'

_**Rack and Ruin.**_

**X-X-X-X**

And so he took the bait… who knew impersonating Reeve would be so easy. Just steal Reeve's phone and send him a text about some evil monster/organization/etc. he's gone like that. Well it looks pretty clear. Time to go in. Cue mission impossible music. I may not have paid attention in rope escape classes, but the attention I paid in lock picking makes up for it. It's my cancellation theory. For example, I eat one of those pudding cups, then I eat a banana, and they cancel each other out. Pretty smart, Ne? And we're in. Nothing unusual so far… Kitchen's clear… living room's clear. Up the creaky steps and I've made it. Mission successful so far. Now to loot said drawer. Let's see, if I was a moody, Broody Mc Brood, that was really freaking tall, I'd keep my undies in the top drawer, So I wouldn't have to reach down the get them. Aha, Jackpot. They're all black… how boring… wait what is this? … A Bra? What the fu- Crap! That was the front door. Ah, hopefully his underwear drawer isn't the first place he'll look when he comes home. Where to hide, where to hide. The bathroom! Wow… it's so messy. I never pictured him as a slob. There's all this crap thrown everywhere…Damn, he's coming up the stairs… Why does he have a bra anyway… What if he's like a creepy cross dresser? No wonder he has such long hair! _grrr_ What, is that noise. _Grrrr _there it goes again… hmmm _GRRR_ Oh my Gawd! Is that… a BOB CAT?! _Thunk._

"…"

"Don't give me that 'what are you doing in my room, Yuffie' look. Because before you get any answers, I'm getting some answers. First of all, Why do you have a freaking bra. You aren't really a girl or a cross dresser are you? Second, Why is there a freaking bob cat in your shower?"

"…I see you've met Mr. Tinkles."

"Mr. Tinkles? Are you on crack?"

_**Rack and Ruin.**_

_A/N: And so the New story Arc begins :3_


	68. So Sue Me

_**So Sue me**_

_**-**_

**A defiant challenge for an adversary to escalate a dispute.**

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews, nothing new to report on._

"So, Mr. Tinkles is your neighbors?"

"Yes."

"Why does your neighbor have a bobcat? They're dangerous, you know." I should know, it almost ate my leg off.

"…It's a Tabby."

"That thing is a wild animal. You can't just keep it in your bathroom like some… sea monkey."

"…"

"What? Don't make that exasperated face. It's creepy. Anyway, why do you have a bra? Actually, I don't even want to know. I'm just going to go. Before that bobcat eats me."

"…"

"Uh, could you move? You're blocking the door."

"You have broken into my house six times, Yuffie."

"Yeah? So sue me. I've got materia to steal, little boys to beat up, A bar full of grumpy drunk men to serve, you know that whole deal… also known as my average day."

"Tis time for you to pay for your crimes."

"What, are you going to throw me in jail?"

"..."

"Vince… I don't like that smirk of yours either."

"…House… arrest."

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

_**So Sue Me.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Vinnie. Let me out! I don't want to be stuck in your stinky house for a week. Please?"

"…"

"Well, I didn't break into your house because I wanted to be in it, I broke in for your valuables! Duh!"

"…"

"Vincent!"

"…"

"Pretty please?"

"…"

"I won't tell anyone about your bra fetish."

"…You were not going to anyway." Damn…

"Stop reading my mind."

"Blame my… deductive reasoning."

"Well, I hate you. Can you at least unhand cuff me? It's not very comfortable being hand cuffed to this railing."

"…"

"Even Mr. Tinkles would be better than this."

"…Bye."

"Wait, where are you going?! Don't leave me stuck to the freaking railing!"

_**So Sue me.**_


	69. Quicker than Larger turns to Piss

_**Quicker than Larger turns to Piss**_

_**-**_

**Very quick.**

_A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews. This chapter is dedicated to __**TexMex **__my 1000__th__ reviewer._

Damn it. Damn it. DAMN IT. I've been stuck to this freaking railing since Vincent left. It's been 2 hours, and I have to pee! Maybe I should just go on his stairs… but that'd be icky. So no. I guess I have no choice but to pick the lock. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Now, if I could only reach my super top secret hiding place for small things. Nope, can't reach… maybe if I bend my arm this way? Nope. That way? Nope. Maybe if I like sit like this and twist my arm this way then pop my shoulder out of it's socket… nope still no cigar.

"Yuffie… why are you groping yourself?"

"I'm not groping myself, I'm trying to reach into my shirt and pull out my lock picks…" Wait… Stop. Rewind. "Hello Vincent, didn't hear you come in, because I was too busy trying not to pee, and get out of these cuffs so I could relieve myself."

"…"

"Thanks." Gotta pee, gotta pee, damn it, the only bathroom I know of has a freaking bobcat in it. "Please tell me you have another bathroom besides the one Mr. Tinkles is in."

"…" Yeah, pointing in the general directions is a great way to help someone who could pee themselves at any moment. Aha! A toilet! Sweet leviathan, thank you!

_**Quicker than Larger turns to Piss.**_

**X-X-X-X**

So, I have a 5 second time window where I can run out of this bathroom, make a break for the door and get out of this house. …I'm going to be stuck in here forever! Well, I should at least give it a try I guess. No sign of him… time to make a break. I'm free!

"Err, Hello Vince." Or not.

"…"

"Back inside, right? Well, if you're going to hand cuff me to something this time, could it be toilet accessible? I seriously thought I was going to loose it on your steps." Oh look, a neighbor lady if giving us odd looks, maybe I could use this to my advantage…

"Yeah, I'm his SEX slave. He bought me in Wutai, and had me shipped over. Woe is me." Yup, I think the whole city of Kalm heard that one. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.

"…"

"Ouch! No need to shove me in the front door. How do you think that's going to look to your neighbor, eh?"

_**Quicker than Larger turns to Piss.**_


	70. Run of the Mill

_**Run of the mill**_

_**-**_

**The ordinary, basic article, with no decoration or augmentation.**

_A/N: Sorry for the delay. I was at my Grandparents. Have a good read. Not much Vincent in this chapter. But there is Shelke! I know, it's pretty sad, but it's a transition chapter, there will be more next chapter I promise! T-T_

So after a long three days, I was let go and able to return home. Yup, neighbor lady called the cops. I was returned to Tifa's Seventh Heaven in a cop car, and Vince is getting charged of being a pedophile. He got his just desserts. He could have given me kidney stones, with all the times he left me handcuffed somewhere without an accessible toilet. If he gets sent to jail, it's your fault. You know what, Conscience, you can go die in a hole with Vincent Worshipper, and Girly girl. 'Kay, thanks. Now that, she's gone, I'll continue my inner monologue. So, the cops currently are questioning Tifa about Vincent and they're probably going to ask a bunch of other people. Problem is if they end up talking to Shelke, They'll definitely think he's a chi-mo. So, I must NINJA my way out of here, find Shelke, and hide her. Sigh. An ordinary day in the life of Yuffie, I suppose. Which reminds me… Why does all the odd crap happen to me?

_**Run of the mill.**_

**X-X-X-X-X**

Puff. Wheeze. Damn, I shouldn't have eaten that extra bag of Doritos. Well, I made it here. The _other_ side of Edge. You see, there's the ghetto part, the middle class part, then the freaking, I'm so rich I wipe my ass with 100 dollar bills part. Of course Shalua, being the top researcher she is, and making prosthetics arms and such, can afford to live over here. So, now I have to find her house. ARG! How the hell am I supposed to do that? 'Maybe you should throw Cloud off a cliff and a fairy will come tell yo-' Shut up Cloud hater! You go die in that hole, also. I'm trying to think here. Damn, it's the Fuzz! Ugh, this trash can smells gross… Hey, maybe if I follow them I'll find her house! Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.

_**Run of the Mill.**_

**X-X-X-X**

God, why are trash cans the only things on the street to hide behind? Hmm? Well, they're going up to the door. 'Maybe you can sneak around when someone answers the door, and enter through a window on the side.' Inner Klepto, good job… again. Kudos to you. 'That's all I get?' Hey, shut up. Well… now or never. Well, Shalua saw me, but I don't think the police officers did. Lucky! Now to find a window… Ah, this one. Urk. I definitely shouldn't have eaten those Doritos.

"What're you doing here?"

"Uh, Hi Shelke."

_**Run of the mill.**_


	71. Come up Trumps

_**Come up trumps**_

_**-**_

**To complete something well or successfully, especially in circumstances in which it isn't expected.**

_A/N: Since the last chapter was crap. You get two today. :3 And so the locked in Vincent's house story arc ends. What shall the next one be? Even I don't know!_

"So, are you just going to stand there looking at me hanging out your window, or are you going to help me?"

"…" Damn bitch. Urk, come on Yuffie, use those arm muscles! Huzzah! I really need to lay off those Doritos.

"So, here's the dealio. I may have hinted that Vinnie was pedophile, and if they find out about you and him, he's going to jail for molesting a ten-year-old. Kapeesh, Shelke?"

"I'm nineteen."

"I'm aware of that. But those cops aren't."

"And you're here because?"

"I'm hiding you, of course!" Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. This is going to be fun!

_**Come up trumps.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Where are you taking me?" Stop carrying me, will you stop walking so fast I'm getting dizzy, blah, blah, blah! Wait… I hadn't thought of that, D'oh! Where am I going to take her? Bar is out of the question… Aha! Vinnie's house! They already searched it out, and he's at the station! I'm genius.

"You'll see." Now to get to Kalm, with my kidnapped dead chick in a younger chick who is really an older chick. Wow, I haven't thought that in a long time… Anyway, off we go.

_**Come up trumps.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"So, what now happens now?"

"We wait for Vinnie to come home."

"…"

"What? Today is going so well, it's scary! I haven't had a day like this… ever. I mean, nothing has gone wrong… well except for the whole, accusing Vincent of having multiple sex slaves, but I wanted that to happen, so I could get out of this damn house. For some odd reason I came back to this house also… hmm. Anywho! I bet you anything he'll come walking in any minute now."

"…"

"I'm serious. Don't give me that indignant look. I mean, you may have a dead lady in your head, but it could be a lot worse."

"…Like?"

"Uhh, you could have an alien in your brain… or a STD."

"I have no idea how he can put up with you."

"Yeaaah, I have no clue either. The list of things that guys could like goes on forever… dynamic personality, lushes locks, hot bod… but Broody Mc Brood ain't any normal guy. He's a vampire, you know."

"…It's infuriating."

"Uh… Shelke?"

"You're everything… I wasn't." Holy shit, her voice just changed… that happens to possessed people… right? Where's and exorcist when you need one?!

"Uh… Christ compels you!" _Christ compels you?_ What am I on crack?!

"Take care of him… alright?"

"Yes, creepy spirit, I will."

"…"

"…" She's just… laying there… maybe she's a zombie…

"Ugh, what happened?"

"I think you got possessed by the dead chick that lives in your brain."

"…"

"…"

"…Yuffie… Shelke."

"Hello, Vincent Valentine." My lucky streak has suddenly turned sour. I was supposed to be out of here before he came back. Shit, he's starring at me.

"Uhhh, I think I'll be going now. Tata!" Now to slink away back to the bar where I can hide… Weird, he just let me pass him, that's a first. Awe crap, he's following me. Walk faster… Ah and I'm safe… or not. Caught between Vince's 6 pack and a hard place, I'm not sure if this is very good… or very bad. Just look him in the eyes, and say, 'I'm sorry.' Not too hard. Dear god, don't you dare start crying, Yuffie…

"I'm sorry."

"…?"

"I'm sorry."

"…?"

"I'm sorry for making you a suspect of being a chi-mo!"

"…"

"A pat on the head? That's it? Hmph."

"...I apologize. If I had not kept you locked inside my house, you would not have been forced to use such tactics."

"Mmm, you smell good. Thank you for the Hug. I'm going to go home now, Later Gator." You know what I said about my luck going sour? Scratch that. Today was _perfect_. Well, for me anyway. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.

_**Come up Trumps.**_


	72. Elementary, My Dear Watson

_**Elementary, My dear Watson**_

_**-**_

**The supposed explanation that Sherlock Holmes gave to his assistant, Dr. Watson, when explaining deductions he had made.**

_A/N: I got the idea for this after seeing Foxygirlchan's PChat – panties drawing XD. EDIT!!!!! 9/19/07- i'm not dead! I'm waiting for my artists to send me my art so I can include them. Don't worry!_

It's gone… I can't believe it. How could it be gone? Did I misplace it?! Put it in the wrong drawer maybe? No, it's not here… Wait, what's that?

'_If you want your panties back in one piece, go down stairs.'_ That's weird, a poorly written note… It's a clue!

"Tifa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" When I get my hands on the sonov… thump. Hi floor, this is Yuffie's face speaking. Damn, kids and their damn skateboards, I swear they want me to break my neck!

"Yuffie, where's the fire?"

"My favorite pair of panties! They're gon… err, Hiya Vince."

"The white ones with the pink bow?"

"Yeah… what's he doing here?"

"Drinking coffee."

"Well, I can see that, Tifa!"

"Well, I haven't seen your panties, have you checked all your drawers?"

"Yes, and that's where I found… THIS!"

"It's a note."

"Gee, you're really Miss. Obvious today, Tifa. It's not only a note, but a clue… and I left all my Sherlock Holmes gear on the airship." Sigh. It always ends up like this. As soon as I actually need something, it's unreachable. Great, just great. And which one of you, rejects, had the idea of leaving it on Cid's airship. 'I did. You're a ninja, not a detective yo-' Inner klepto… you're fired! Ahem. Now, I must find the next clue… nothing over there, maybe it's behind the bar… nope… aha! There by Vincent's… man part… What a great place to place a sticky note, on a chair. Well, I can either go take it and try not to blush to death, or I could ask him kindly to give it to me… since I don't want to get shot, I think I'll go with option two.

"Err… you mind handing me that piece of paper near your crotch?" Yeah, that was real kind. GYAH!

"…" That amused look is so sexy on him… urk, focus.

"Thanks a lot Broody Mc Brood!"

'_Down the street, where the blocks meet is where you'll find the next treat.'_

"So it's a rhyming thief… eh?"

"…?"

"You're just sitting around here drinking coffee, come help me solve a mystery!"

_**Elementary, My dear Watson.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"Nyuk! Here's the next one. It says _'Search high and low, but never below.'_ What's that mean? Got any idea's, Watson?"

"…"

"I'm talking to you smart guy. Look, I'm Sherlock Holmes, I've even got the pipe! So answer!"

"…" What the devil is he pointing at…

"I don't see it, what're you pointing at?"

"…" Sigh.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"…Here."

"Ohh, the next clue... ahem, I'll read what it says. _'Go back to the start but don't look stark. For when the clock strike nine, you'll be behind.'_ Well, we started in the bar, so I guess we should head back there and-"

"Look behind the clock…"

"This is exactly the reason I picked you as my Watson! To the bar, Talley hoe!"

_**Elementary, My Dear Watson.**_


	73. Caught Red Handed

_**Caught red-handed**_

_**-**_

_To be caught in the act of committing a misdemeanor, with the evidence there for all to see._

_A/N: hehe… long time no see. Special Cameos by Foxy girl-chan and the other is a surprise! Finally an update! I'll be updating more frequently, and I'll have a special chapter up for the one year anniversary. That's the 29__th__ of this month!_

Wow… the bars actually full for once… One of them is the culprit. I'm going to have to make sure no one leaves… Vince is tall and menacing he'll do.

"Okay, here's the dealio. We're going in. All you have to do is stand in front of the door and look menacing… but you do that anyway so it shouldn't be that hard. Alright let's go!"

"Yuffie, what are you doing here?" I wonder if I can hop up on the counter without a chair…

"Oof… Ahem. One of you is the person who stole my favorite pair of panties! You can either come clean now… or I can use my awesome ninja-detective deductive reasoning skills to bust this case wide open! So what's it going to be?!"

"Yuffie, get off the bar! What is the meaning of this?!"

"I'll tell you, Tifa! But first let's evaluate the evidence! A note that reads, _'Go back to the start but don't look stark. For when the clock strike nine, you'll be behind.' _And we all know that this how ordeal started in this bar." That leap off the bar was totally awesome, I should do that more often!

"And since right here in front of the stairs was the start… the person at nine O'clock did it!" A girl?

"What's your name?!" I ask

"Kumori…"

"So, 'Kumori' Why'd you steal my favorite pair of panties? Huh?!"

"…I didn't…"

"…Yeah, you're probably right, you don't look like the creepy panty stealing type. Well, onto my next thesis! The clock on the wall will act as Twelve o'clock then the person at nine is you!" Another innocent looking girl with waffles… and some pink lemonade. "What's your name?"

"…Natalie…"

"Why, Natalie did you steal my panties?"

"… I didn't."

"Are you sure?" I ask.

"Positive."

"Are you really, really, really sure?"

"Yes."

"Well, then who stole my panties?!" Gah this is getting aggravating! If I ever find out who did it, they're getting a huge knuckle sandwich right in the kisser!

"Yuffie…"

"Watson, how many times have I told you to call me Sherlock Holmes?!"

"Yuffie…" What is he pointing at? Oh my god…

"Okay, who put my panties on that ceiling fan?!"

"Haha! I can't believe you went for it!"

"Reno…"

"You are a rio-"

"Yeah, I hit like one also."

_**Caught Red-Handed.**_


	74. Turn a Blind Eye

_**Turn a blind eye**_

_**-**_

**To knowingly refuse to acknowledge something which you know to be real.**

_A/N: One year anniversary of CDW, Wow. Where should I start? I want to thank all of you reviewers. You've made this a great experience for me. I want to thank Samm, for reading all of my crazy writing. And I hope I can keep this story running for another year! Have a good read! And review!_

There's something off… I can't quite place my finger on it, but something's been odd lately. I haven't seen Vince or Cloud for two weeks, and Barret, Cid, Red, Shalua and Shelke are here. Something is happening behind the scenes and I'm going to find out…

"Yuffie, Dinner's ready!"

"I'm coming, Tifa."

Urk, damn brats and their toys. Do they not realize the hazards of leaving skateboards in front of stairs? I bet they do and they're just trying to cause me bodily harm… I'm so going to get them back for this. An empty bar… odd.

"Where is everyone? It is Friday, right? Shouldn't people… be here?"

"I had to close the bar down for… reasons."

Shady… "Well, where is our motley band of friends?"

"They're around…"

"Tifa…"

"What?"

"What's going on?"

"I don't-"

"Don't give me that crap." Wow, my face must really be scary, or something's behind me. Well, there's nothing behind me… so…

"…I got a call from Cloud a couple days ago…"

"Continue please."

"It was screaming. Then the line went dead. We haven't heard from him since."

_**Turn A Blind Eye.**_

**X-X-X-X**

"This the place, Reeve?" I ask.

"Yes, this is the last place where they were seen."

"It certainly is… morbid enough." This place gives me the creeps… Vince would be right at home here.

"The odd thing is, this island randomly appeared, and there are no indications of it existing before two weeks ago."

"And you say there's a town already on it?" This is really creepy...

" Yes, it's in the center of the island."

"Things just don't add up… So, are we going in… or what?"

"Hell yes, we are brat."

"You mean, I have to go with the old man?" I ask.

"Yes, it's too dangerous for you to go alone, Yuffie."

" But Reeve!... Fine, just don't get in my way, Old man!"

"Same to you, Brat."

"You have 72 hours to do an investigation and meet back at this beach, good luck."

"See ya, Reeve!"

"Come on, let's start working through those trees."

"Err, can't we try and find a path or something? They look hostile…"

"How can damn trees be hostile?"

"You're obviously never seen Snow White…"

"Damn straight, a manly man like me watching a cartoon? Stop being a damn wuss and hop a long." This place really gives me the creeps. Everything looks… dead. The grass is brown… the trees are gnarled and look like they could strangle somebody.

"Maybe we should've brought some stakes and holy water..."

"What the hell are you mumbling about?"

"How I feel like I've stumbled into a bad horror mov- AHHH!"

"Damn, what the hell are you yelling about?"

"I-I-It's a dead guy! Oh my god! Ewe ewe!"

"I don't see what the big deal is; you hang out with Vince all the time."

"haha, not funny! I think he was staked to the tree…"

"That's what it looks like."

"Could you not be so calm please?" I ask.

"Don't worry about it, let's keep moving."

"But what if the people on this island are like… cannibals, or something! I don't want to be eaten alive! Hey stop walking! Wait up for me!"

_**Turn a blind eye.**_

**X-X-X-X**

This is so odd… if I recall correctly, this place is supposed to be inhabited. Not deserted… Hmmm all of the houses are boarded up. And everything inside of these houses are covered in dust… what the hell is going on…

"Where do you think everyone went, Cid? … Cid?" Oh my gawd, he's gone, what if he got eaten by zombies… There's a hand on my shoulder… "AHHHH STAY AWAY YOU INGRATE DEAD ZOMBIE!"

"…" I'm going to get eaten, this is the end! God, this is a really dumb way to die… "Yuffie."

Wait… I recognize that voice… "Vinnie! Oh my gawd, it was so scary, I thought you were a zombie and you were going to eat me… this place is giving me the creeps, let's find Cloud and Cid and scram."

"… Let… go."

"Err… sorry, come on, you have to tell me where Cloud is, then we can find Cid."

" Are you…"

"Yes, I am crying because I'm scared shitless, alright? Can you tell me where chocobo head is so we can get him and Cid and skedaddle? What happened to you two… Cloud's phone called Tifa and there was screaming before the line went dead…"

"… I don't… remember."

"What? Hey, Vinnie are you alright?! Hey, can you hear me?" I get the feeling randomly falling over and starting to writhe on the floor isn't normal… damn what the hell is going on with Vince?

_**Turn a Blind Eye.**_


	75. Don't have a Clue

_**Don't have a clue**_

_**-**_

**Without any knowledge or understanding.**

_A/N: It's my birthday Sunday October 7__th__! And so the chaos ensues! Short I know… sorry._

Thank god he's alright now… It's been a while since his fit and I've managed to drag him into this bar… but he hasn't woken up since. At least he's breathing… I think…

"Yuffie…"

"Oh my gawd! Can you not do that? What the hell just happened to you? You had like a freaking seizure, this is really creeping me out."

"…"

"Vinnie? Hey, you aren't going to turn into a zombie and try to eat me are you?"

"Yuffie… keep it down."

"What, do you hear something?!" I'm going to have nightmares for a while after we get out of this… I mean if we can get out of this.

"You're making my head ache worse, now be quiet."

"Shutting up." He looks more pale than usual… maybe he really is going to turn into a zombie… good thing I brought my conformer.

"…you mentioned Cid?"

"Yeah… he vanished, and you showed up."

"…"

"What the hell is going on?"

"I don't know, Yuffie!"

"You just yelled… Something's wrong with you… You aren't yourself."

"Yuffie… I…"

"Stay away… someone has to be controlling you, Vincent Valentine doesn't yell." Backed up against a bar… damn… wait, there's beer in that one.

"Very smart, little girl." Oh my god… his eyes are black.

"Stay back, or else."

"Or else what?"

"I'll do this!"

"I'm sorry, but that wasn't holy water."

"Yeah, but it was flammable, and I have this." Thank god I packed a lighter. I have to get away from here and find Cloud and Cid and figure out what the hell is going on.

_**Don't have a clue.**_


	76. Out of the Frying Pan and into the Fire

_**Out of the Frying Pan and into the Fire**_

_**-**_

**Get ****out of**** one difficult situation only to end up in another.**

_A/N: I have a job shadow Friday, so I'm updating early! Have a good read! And if you know Foxygirlchan from DA go, check out her drawings of Vincent getting set on fire! Short i know, but i'm on a time crunch. expect longer next week on friday._

Okay…

so I might have lit him on fire…

but that was not Vincent…

well it could have been a possessed him…

Shit! I lit gorgeous on fire. I'm going to burn in the hells for this one. At least I got away. Which reminds me… where the hell am I? I really need to work on my tendency to run aimlessly when frightened.

I've somehow managed to get myself further into this damn creepy island instead of out. More trees that look like they could eat somebody… A huge creepy house with an iron gate… wait… hold the phone.

If I were a creepy mastermind that was possessing people and running a freaky island full of zombies… where would I live? A creepy mansion like that… and what do we have here? A cigarette… Cid was here. Looks like I'm going in. Activate mission impossible music. Err; I can't believe I just thought that. Wow, I'm really slipping. Any way, let's see about hopping this fence. Well, that wasn't so hard. No alarms…

"Grrrrr…"

"Nice doggie…" Now would be a good time to start running… but where? Aha an open window on the second floor! Charge! Dear god, it's gaining on me, stupid mutt.

Whoo, I'm glad I practiced scaling walls as a kid, or that would have been ugly. Lucky for me this window was open also! He almost caught me. ………………..There's an ominous hand on my shoulder… To turn around or not to turn around… now that is the question. Gulp, well it's not going to go away…

"Cloud?"

"Wrong again… girlie…" Oh crap… not this again….

"Damn zombie! Eat my conformer! WACHAAA!"

_**Out of the Frying Pan and into the Fire.**_


	77. The last straw

_**The Last Straw**_

_**-**_

**The final additional small burden that makes the entirety of one's difficulties unbearable.**

_A/N: Nothing new, have a good read._

Huff. Puff. First Vincent now Cloud. Good thing I brought along these smoke bombs. I feel like I've fallen into a cheap horror film. How cre- thump. Owe… where's the wet floor sign? Holy… this is blood! Eeewww get it off me get it off me! Gross, I can't wait till I get off this creepy island. Now to find the source of this blood… It seems to be leaking out of this room.

"Hellooo? Anybody in here?" It's too dark, I can't see anything, maybe there's a light swit-

"AHHHHHHH!" Holy crap, this isn't happening, dead bodies everywhere.

"Yuffie."

"STAY BACK ZOMBIE! I have a conformer, and I know how to use it!" Another Vincent zombie… damn.

"Yuffie…"

"I'm not going to fall for that one again, you sicko. I thought I lit you on fire, but I was wrong."

"…"

"Bring it zombie man!"

"…Are you done now?"

"It's really you!"

"…"

"Sorry, forgot the now physical contact rule… What happened here? Cid and I came to check up on you, he vanished, a possessed you showed up and then I lit you on fire, then I ran into a possessed Cloud, and I was running down the hall, I slipped in some blood and came in here."

"I do not know."

"What do you mean, you don't know?! You know everything! So uh… you kill this guy?" Corpses creep me out…

"…" Nod.

"Where's Cloud?"

"…Come."

"What? We're going out there again?"

"…Scared?"

"Of course, you were a zombie and/or possessed monster thing/guy!"

"…" Sigh.

"Fine I'm coming. So where do you suggest we go from here?"

"Down."

"Alright!" Vince seems a lot paler than usual… Ugh. "Why'd you stop?"

"We have company."

"Gah, it's a zombie Cid!"

_**The Last Straw.**_


	78. on the warpath

**_On the warpath_**

**_-_**

**Intent on a confrontation or fight.**

_A/N: Hey! Sorry that I'm a bit late, but my grandfather died on Monday. This is the end of the Halloween arc. Everyone have a happy Halloween! Add me on DA and Gaia [da http:// bleueyzzz Dot Deviantart Dot com[GaiaBleueyz Bye bye now!_

"Okay… so, now that we've locked Cid zombie in that room, where to?"

"…"

"Yes sir… wait are you sure it's that way? Didn't we come from there?"

"…?"

"No, I'm not questioning your leadership abilities, I'm questioning your sense of direction. You don't like asking for directions do you?"

"…" Twitch.

"I remember a time in the northern crater when we ran around in circles. I'll lead, come on!"

This is kind of a creepy hallway, can't this guy afford lights? Or to get rid of dead bodies. I think his hand just twitched… I'll poke him with my foot…

"Oh shit! Vinnie, shoot it! Shoot it! It's got my foot!" If that thing rears its ugly head and gnaws my foot off, I'm going to be pissed! It's grunting… It's Cloud!

"Hey… guys…"

"… he appears to have passed out."

"No shit Sherlock, you're the big buff man, you carry him, we have to find Cid! Then we can finally get out of this place!"

"…I thought you were Sherlock…"

"Shut up, Watson. You picked a good time to get a sense of humor! We'll continue down this hallway, and see if we can find Cid."

"…"

More walking… Oh creepy stairs, lovely.

"Vinnie watch your ste-" Why'd I have to open my big mouth… Ack, where am I?

"Hello… my pretty..."

"GAAAH! Why am I always the one that falls in the trap doors!?! Where are you, you sick pervert, I've got my conformer here waiting to take you out!"

It's so dark… I can't see, god damn it. Owe… my head… I'm… falling…It's so… dark…

"oi… brat get your damn ass up!" Owe my head… It's bright… "Cid… Ack, stay away from me zombie!"

"What are you talking about? We came up into the middle of town, and you passed out. You've been out of it since."

"What? I passed… out?"

"Damn straight, I had to lug your limp body around as I went looking for Vince and Cloud. They're down on the beach. We're pulling out now. Come on, stand up."

"You mean… that was all… a dream?" Whoa… How creepy…

"Dream?"

"Yeah, It was nothing… Let's go Cid." This island is way too creepy for its own good. Goodbye creepy island, man eating trees, sayonara! I hope I never see you again! Now that we're on this helicopter, I can relax… My head feels lighter for some reason and they're all starring at me…

"What?"

"… hair."

"MY hair!"

**X-X-X-X-X**

"My pretty…" He sniffed the hair and put it in the box with all the others.

_**On the warpath.**_


	79. Fait Accompli

_**Fait accompli**_

_**-**_

**An accomplished fact; an action which is completed before those affected by it are in a position to query or reverse it.**

_a/n: Thanksgiving special a bit before thanksgiving sweats I know I'm going to be busy in the near future, so I'm posting early! Happy holidays:'D Yuffie's hair is FF7 short now people. No she's not bald!_

"What do you mean we're going to Cid's house for Thanksgiving?"

"Yuffie… Calm down, we're already made plans, so you can't change anything." Tifa, you conniving.

"Fine then, I'm going to go pack." How dare they make thanksgiving plans without my input! I matter, I'm important! Bah, may as well go pack some stuff and wait to be picked up in the Shera. I better take some tranquilizers for the trip. He's going to be mad if I barf on his airship again, and nothing is more gross than when Cid yells at someone. Tea spit and ash from his cigarette go flying. It's not a pretty sight. Cid isn't a pretty sight ever… actually. So much for my plans to sit on the couch watching Thanksgiving TV special and eating microwaveable turkey meals… gawd, this blows. It's going to suck being seen like this; my hairs as short as it was when I first started traveling with them all.

At least Vinnie will be there, and I'll have something to do for this stupid holiday.

_**Fait accompli.**_

**X-X-X-X-X**

"What do you mean I have to share a room with Vincent?"

"Everyone else was paired up before hand, and you kind of… got stuck with him."

"Tifaaaa!" Damn it. Not again! This is great, not only do I get to stay at Cid and Shera's house, but I get to share a room, with Mc Shady Pants.

"…"

"Yeah, I don't want to share a room with you either. So you stay on that side of the room, and I'll stay on this side!"

"…"

"It's nothing personal against you Vinnie, it's just I don't want you to like… molest me, or suck my blood while I'm sleeping. You're a great guy, and I love you to pieces, but you have some weird tendencies. Like that time with that one little boy-"

"…Yuffie, I saved him from on coming traffic."

"Yeah, but it didn't look you were saving him from on coming traffic, it looked like you were grabbing his moobs."

"…moobs?"

"Man boobs."

"…"

"What?"

_**Fait accompli**_

**X-X-X-X-X**

"What do you mean what do I have to be thankful for?"

"It's Thanksgiving, Yuffie, just write what you have to be thankful on this sheet of paper. You don't have to show it to anyone or anything, it's just a way to organize your thoughts."

"Nyahh, okay, I'll go do it now." Darn Tifa and her weird exercises, this reminds me of something I'd do in school. I'll go write it in my room. Vincent's not in here. He must have gone out with Cid and Cloud or something. Phew, time to get started. What am I, Yuffie Kisaragi thankful for? My awesome ninja skills, of course! My friend's also, since without them I'd be Queen of Wutai… or something equally terrible. I'm thankful for the planet, for Chaos, because without him, the planet would have died and we'd all be dead. Not a happy idea that one. I'm also thankful for Vincent, for being a creepy child molester, good friend, eye candy and so much more.

"…I am eye candy?"

"Ack! Why are you reading of my shoulder? And when did you get in here?"

"… I was here all along."

"…" How did I not notice that?

"…you are a good friend as well, Yuffie... and...

"and?"

"Your hair is better short..."

'D'awww, come here and give me a hug, Love muffin!"

"…"

"Poison coated love muffin more to your liking?"

"…" sigh

_**Fait Accompli.**_


	80. A Riddle Wrapped up in an Enigma

_**A Riddle Wrapped up in an Enigma**_

_-_

**A puzzle - difficult to solve.**

_A/N: Hooray for Democracy! Time for another vote. You have two options this time._

_A: I update Once a week on Fridays for the month of December_

_B: I update a chapter everyday for the 28 days of Christmas._

_Option B is going to require a lot of work on your part though, you're going to have to motivate me via reviews XP Think you can do it?! Make sure you cast your vote before December 1__st !!!!!!!!!NOTE!!!! This option B will only last for the month of December. [from the 1st to the 30th since I wouldn't be able to keep that schedule up D:_

Hmmmm. A very potent adversary you are. All your colors, and square…ness. I could so easily destroy you…. In fact I think I will!

"…What are you doing?"

"Peeling off all the stickers of this rubix cube and putting them back on."

"…"

"So what if it defeats the point! I don't give a carp."

"…Carp?"

"Tifa has deemed it inappropriate to say the C-R-A-P word around the demon spawn."

"…"

"Arg, I give up!" Stupid box, you're a real pain you know that, embarrassing me in front of Mc Brood pants like that. I should cut you up into little pieces and feed you to some evil bobcats.

"…"

"Yeah, I was bored. And thanks to you and your little defeats the point dots, I'm bored again. So what are you going to do to entertain me? Huh?!" Is that a cashmere black sweater I see under that cloak? Ohhh foxy… no bad Yuffie, stop thinking like that!

"…hmmm…"

"dotdotdot."

"The music stopped. The woman dies. Why?"

"… How is that supposed to make me unbored? That's just morbid."

"…riddle."

"Oh…" Music stopping and people dying; Gawd, he really is a vampire hmmm… Focus, Yuffie… Maybe she's a ballet dancer, and she had a heart attack because she had to stop dancing. No, that doesn't work. Maybe a crazy lady in the asylum who heard music all her life, and it stopped when she died. No that doesn't work either… Bleh.

**40 minutes later**

"…"

"I'm drawing a completely blank here."

"…Give up?"

"Can I have a hint?"

"No."

"Fine, tell me the answer." Spoil sport.

"The woman is a blindfolded tightrope walker at a circus. The music ended a little early, and she knew that she reached the ends, so she lost balance and fell to her death."

"Jeez Vince, can you get any more morbid?"

"…The one who makes it sells it. The one who buys it doesn't use it. The one who's using it doesn't know he's using it. What is it?"

"Dot dot dot." Twitch twitch.

"… A coffin."

"Stop smiling that sexy smirk of yours and get over her so I can punch you."

_**A Riddle wrapped up in an Enigma.**_


	81. On the First Day of Christmas

**On the First Day of Christmas…**

_A/N: And the winner is! B! TT I'm probably going to die, but oh well! Grab your popcorn and be prepared to review guys! Something just dawned on me… I forgot Yuffie and Vincent's birthdays! DDDD: I'm an idiot. Uh, I hope this marathon makes up for it. Sorry guys. –Stabs self-_

You all know how much I hate Christmas right? Well I've had a change of heart, because of Cloud. Yes, freaking dumb bum Cloud changed my mind. But that's mostly because he's arranged for us to spend all of December at Icicle Inn up on the northern Glacier. Us being all of Avalanche along with Marlene, and Denzel. Oh yeah, this is going to be fun. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Snowboarding, snow ball fights, and building snowmen. Just thinking about it is getting me excited. It's time for operation Snow day, which was formerly operation N.V.I.T.H.W.A.S.B.A.G.W.H. but that was too long. So Nyaaah. Gawd, where is everyone? I'm already packed and ready. Ohh someone's coming down the stairs, its Tifa.

"Oh, Yuffie, you're already packed?"

"Well yeah, I've been packed for the past hour. What's taking everyone so long?"

"Well… you know Cloud… Denzel and Marlene are done, and I'm finishing up a couple of things."

"Gosh, Tifa. Are you packing half of the whole entire bar? This is VA-CA-TION. It's supposed to be fun! When's cid getting here anyway?!" Damn old guy, he moves so slow!

"He'll be picking up the others first, do you mind going up stairs and helping Marlene and Denzel bring down their bags?"

"Fine." Dang kids, they have too much energy, can't they bring their own bags down. "Good lord Marlene! Did you pack a freaking house?"

"No, it's all my winter clothes!" Oh gawd, this is going to be painful.

"Uhh well, I'm going to attempt to carry it downstairs for you, so just hold tight." Oh gawd, I think I'm going to throw out my back. One step at a time, a couple more till the stairs… Okay, I'm halfway down, I can do this. Woo I did this! Wow, so this is what it feels like to be one of those guys on TV that carry really heavy stuff. How anticlimactic. "Denzel, are you able to carry yours?"

"Yup! I'm not a puny girl like you!"

"What did you say?! You little brat, I'm gonna-"

"Cid's here! Auntie Yuffie will you carry my bag out to the airship?" Marlene, there she goes, stealing my thunder…

"Fine, Come on you two, let's go out to the airship, pronto." Urk, Heavy bag plus my bag… I can so do this. "Open the door for me please."

"Oh I will."

"Thank you, Marlene. Hurry up and get on the airship, I'll be right behind yoooo-oof." Owe, my bum, how come I'm not being squashing by a house in a bag?

"Vinnie?"

"…"

"It's Marlenes, not mine. Do you honestly think I'd pack a house?!"

"…here." He's sticking his hand out… I think he wants me to take it.

"Thanks for the lift, Vince."

"Yuffie and Vincent sitting in a tree K-I-"

"Denzel, You don't want to finish that."

"Yes Ma'am." Look at him scurry… wow that's the funniest thing I've seen all day.

"…"

"I know, I'm terrifying. Come on, let's board the airship!"

_**My true love gave to me , a gentleman in red.**_


	82. On the Second Day of Christmas

_**On the Second Day of Christmas**_

_A/N: WOOO day number two! We're off to a great start people. I'm a bit disappointed, but oh well. Marathon continues. In your review answer this question; __Do you like butter on your toast?_

"You know… I'm starting to think they do this on purpose."

"…?"

"Always make me room mate with you. Well, you know my whole speech, don't rape me in my sleep and stay on that side of the room and we'll be dandy."

"…of course." That was kind of weird… oh dear, maybe he's high or something…

"Anyway, I have to change, do you mind?"

"…"

"You know, when someone asks you that, you're supposed to turn away. Not stare at them blankly."

"…"

"What do you mean nothing you haven't seen before?! Ack you pervert! Get out! Get out! Get out! GET OUT!" Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. I never get tired of slamming doors in his face. Good thing he's so durable. Now to change into winter wear! Time for the winter wear checklist: Scarf, check; gloves, check; hat, check; long pants, check; long sleeves, check. Now that I'm all decked out in poofy warm clothes, let's go find some demon children so I can pelt them with snowballs. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk! Hmmm, looks like Mc saucy is gone. Yeah, him and his cashmere sweater better get out of my sight. Hmmm, now where are those insolent children?

"Hey Tifa, where are the kids?"

"They're outside playing, are you going to… join them?"

"Chyeah, why wouldn't I? You can never be to old to throw hard objects at people."

"Please don't hurt them, they're just kids."

"Psh, me hurt them? You should be worried about them hurting me! If you haven't noticed, your kids are evil geniuses in cute little bodies. I sure they can fend for themselves."

"…Just go." Nyuk. That shut her up. Now to find those ki- Owe, that hurt. Where'd that damn snowball come from?

"You little pu- Vinnie?!"

"…"

"Wow! Vincent, you're really good at this! You got her right in the head!" Must resist urge… to strangle Denzel.

"Hold the phone, you're on their side?"

"…Yes."

"dotdotdot I see how it is!" Oh gawd, this is bad. Not only am I outnumbered. They have two evil geniuses and Vincent. Not to mention he took his cloak off and that cashmere sweater is so hot, he's trying to distract me. Ohh, This is war.

"If I recall, you were the one that slammed a door in my face." He's doing that sexy smirk also, gawd damn. I can't seem to get a break today. Got to think fast, something to get him back for this… Aha, the snow ball he threw, it's still almost intact. Dear lord, I hope I hit… it missed… I missed… I use a freaking shuriken and I missed?! Well, making another snowball would take to long so, time to use a Yuffie ball!

"Oof." Urk, tackling him while he was standing on top of a hill doesn't seem like a very smart idea, now. Urk, I think I'm going to be sick. I just keep rolling and rolling and rolling. At least he's rolling with me, jerkface. I think I've stopped, now only if the world would stop spinning.

"…"

"Don't make me wipe that sexy smirk off of your face."

"Sexy?"

"Urk-"

_**My true love gave to me, two sexy smirks and a gentleman in red.**_


	83. On the Third Day of Christmas

_**On the Third Day of Christmas**_

_A/N: XD whoo this is actually kind of fun! Remember to review and answer this question in your review, "Do you like ketchup on your funions?"_

"…"

"Dotdotdot Yourself."

"…"

"Sure, I didn't HAVE to tackle you, but you were asking for it mister! With your cashmere sweater and your sexy smirk…"

"…Sexy?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Did I say that outloud?"

"…Yes." Gawd this is one of those, let's smack myself in the face moments. You know, I think I'm going to do that.

"Dotdotdot."

"…"

"Yeah, Yeah. Really though, don't wear that sweater, ever again. It will cause car crashes."

"…?"

"…"

"…?"

"… You know, a lady driving the car catches sight of your sexy bod then ends up running over some puppies and an infant. You don't want that to happen do you?"

"…What are puppies and an infant doing on the side of a road?"

"That's besides the point!"

"…"

"dotdotdot."

"…"

"Just got sit in the corner and read a book or something! You're making me angry! How could you honestly side with those little mongrels?"

"…"

"Hmmm?"

"…For the door… I ended up getting more out of it than I had originally planned."

"…" You know, now that I think about it, I felt something touch my boob when we were rolling down that hill…

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… YOU PERVERT! GET OUT!"

_**My true love gave to me, three awkward moments, two sexy smirks and a gentleman in red.**_


	84. On the Fourth Day of Christmas

_**On the Fourth Day of Christmas**_

_A/N: For those of you that check back a lot to see if I've updated can expect updates from 3 PM west coast time. Since I live on the west coast, and by 3 O'clock, I've usually written the next chapter. Thanks for all the reviews :'D you guys really now how to inspire a gal XD **EDIT; Answering this question in your Review; Do you like vanilla or chocolate?**_

Blarg, I'm so bored. It's been 4 days, and I still haven't wreaked any havoc. Le sigh, What am I going to do with myself. The slopes aren't open till tomorrow, so I can't go snow boarding. Tifa's baking cookies and has ordered me out of the kitchen. What to do, what to do? I know! We'll make snowmen! Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Now who shall I enlist in my army of snowmen makers? Well, they're demon children, but they'll have to do.

"Oi. You two look bored, want to do something amazing?" I'm so persuasive I scare myself sometimes.

"Su-"

"Marlene, don't listen to her, she's up to something!" Damn you, Denzel.

"Fine then, I'll go make snowmen by myself! Hmph."

"Wait! Did you say… snowmen?"

"You hard of hearing boy? Of course I said Snowmen. Now if you two are interested, go get suited up for some snow, and bring out some extra clothes."

"For what?"

"Good question, Marlene. Because we're all going to make each other!"

"…What?"

"Just get the damn clothes!" Jeez, kids these days. You have to spell everything out for them. Let's see if I can snag one more. "Oi, Pervy old man, wanna make snowmen with us?"

"…"

"Good, I wasn't going to let you say no anyway. Go bring out some of your clothes also! Meet you out front in five!"

**Five Minutes later**

"Alrighty Cadets! It is… 3:00! We have till 5:00 to make our awesome snowman army! You will be assigned a person to make! Denzel, you're making Marlene. Marlene, you're making Vince, and Vince, you're making Me. I'll be making Denzel, are we clear?"

"…"

"What is the point of this?"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that, Denzel."

"I have a question!"

"Yes Marlene?"

"Why am I making Vincent?"

"Cause I said so. Now everyone, get to work! First person done gets brownies!" Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. This is going to be so amusing. Let's get a rolling and a packing this snow.

**Two hours later**

"Well… They're silly alright." Wow, this was a disaster. Snowman Marlene looks like she's possessed. Snowman Denzel looks like a pile of mush. Snowman me actually looks pretty good, materia for eyes and all. And Snowman Vincent… let's just say he's smiling, and I cannot stop laughing.

"..."

"Yup… Do I even want to know why you made my snowman have boobs?"

_**My true love gave to me, four silly snowmen, three awkward moments, two sexy smirks and a gentleman in red.**_


	85. On the Fifth Day of Christmas

**On the Fifth Day of Christmas**

_A/N: It's getting harder to update now D: I'll keep trying guys I love you all! Keep reviewing! Answer this question in your review, What would you bring with you on a deserted island?_

They opened up the slopes today, and it's time for me to grab my snowboard and go shred some fresh powder. Okay, I'm starting to sound like one of those weird guys, so I'll stop now. Woo! I can't wait! Last time I went snowboarding it was when Sephiroth was still around. And you should have seen me; I was zooming down the slopes like a demon! Everyone's already out and about in the snow, I think I'll go find Vincent, he mentioned skiing. Hahaha, nerd. Another brisk day in Icicle Inn, I'm really glad I brought all of my super duper warm coats. Oi, what's that red thing? I think it's on skis… it's coming this way… Is that…. Vincent? In a body suit? Oh dear gawd!

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

"…"

"HAHAHAcan'tHAHAHAHAbreatheHAHAHAHA"

"…"

"HAHAHAwhatHAHAHAareHAHAHAyouHAHAHAwearingHAHAHA!"

"…"

"Okay, I'm good now… I lied, HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Jeez, where's a camera when you need one. Vincent Valentine in a red skiing body suit, oh dear Gawd, I'm going to have to tell my grand kids about this one.

"…"

"Really, why are you wearing that?"

"…The store fellow."

"He told you to wear that?... and you listened?"

"Yes."

"Excuse me for a moment… HAHAHAHAHA." Phew, this snow is fluffy.

"…done?"

"Yup. Well, your bum does look pretty good in it, I must say. You work out your gluteus maximus?"

"…impressed you noticed."

"The main muscle in your bum right? I saw it on the workout channel once."

"…"

"HAHAHAHAHA just the mental picture, oh Gawd not again!"

"…done?"

"Phew, I think so. You look like an Olympic skier or something nerdy like that."

"…thank you."

"Oh gosh, I'm sorry… hehehehe. I just can't stop laughing HAHAHAHA!"

"…"

"HAHAHAheyHAHAHAHwhere are you hehehehe going?"

"…skiing."

"hahaha you nerd!" Wow, that's going to be in my dreams tonight… "PFFFTHAHAHA you alright?"

"…"

"Vince, do you even know how to ski?"

"…"

_**My true love gave to me five giggle fits, four silly snowmen, three awkward moments, two sexy smirks and a gentleman in red.**_


	86. On the Sixth Day of Christmas

**On the Sixth Day of Christmas**

_A/N: Bit disappointed with last chapters turn out… but oh well D: still going strong. Answer this question, what grade did you receive in Algebra?_

Wow, after yesterday's snowboarding adventure, I didn't think I'd ever be able to feel my toes again. They've thawed nicely though. Not exactly sure where everyone is, this place seems pretty empty. I wonder where everyone's gone? Oh lookie a note!

_Dear Yuffie,_

_We've all gone shopping, be back soon, love Tifa._

Gee thanks for not waking me up! Now I'm going to have to go Christmas shopping all by myself. Well, since I'm here alone I may as well make some hot coco. Yay… wait there's no milk! Dang it! What am I going to do now? I wonder if we have any marsh mellows… Aha! My fluffy white nemesis! I shall gobble you up, with gram crackers and chocolate! Yummy. I hear the door opening… Sneak attack!

"WACHA!"

"…"

"It's a Ninja thing. What are you doing here Vince?"

"…"

"Finished shopping?"

"…"

"You mean, you've been here the whole entire time?"

"…Yes."

"Creepy, I totally didn't noticed… well I'm about to devour some s'mores, want some?"

"…"

Hmmmm, I wonder if there's a way we can heat these marsh mellows up… Microwave makes them stick to the plate… we can't just start a fire in the kitchen either….

"…?"

"ACK, can you not stand so close? You're breathing on my neck."

"…I apologize."

"Good, Now help me come up with a way to cook these marsh mellows."

"…?"

"Well what's wrong with them now is that, they're not all gooey!"

"…"

"Can you stop eating the marsh mellows? We need them for the s'mores!"

"…"

"What do you mean they're fine on their own? Fine! We'll just eat Marsh mellows! Gosh, are you happy?"

"…yes." Dang him and his sexy smirk.

"Gosh, how many are you going to eat?"

"…"

"How many have you eaten?"

"…Six."

"Hey, aren't you going to save any for me?"

"…No."

"… you just conned me out of my marsh mellows! Get back here!"

_**My true love gave to me six marsh mellows, five giggle fits, four silly snowmen, three awkward moments, two sexy smirks and a gentleman in red.**_


	87. On the Seventh Day of Christmas

**On the Seventh Day of Christmas**

_A/N: I knew this was going too smoothly D: Life has happened, and my laptop is getting fixed. I'm currently on my sister's and I have no clue if she'll let me use it tomorrow or Sunday. I'll try to update D: but if there aren't any updates I apologize D: don't hate me . Answer this question; if I were able to keep this update schedule up past December, what would you do?_

It's time for my favorite part of Christmas… shopping. Yes, if you couldn't tell that was indeed sarcasm. I barely came up with things to buy everyone last year. What am I going to get them this year? I definitely need to come up with something better for Vinnie than a picture. But again, what do you get an old guy? At least since we're in the middle of no where the stores are crazy packed like they were in Edge. Yeah, all the dangerous monsters around here keep it from turning into a resort. Ahhh, I'm trailing off topic again. What to get Vinnie… everyone else is actually pretty easy to figure out. I think I'm just going to ask him. Here he is now…

"Vinnie, what do you want for Christmas?"

"…"

"You're not going to tell me are you?"

"…nothing to tell."

"You mean you don't know?" Gawd, it really is like talking to a brick wall.

"…Your presence is enough of a gift."

"…seriously, what do you want for Christmas? A ski suit in black?"

"…"

"Just playing, you know, how about I take you out shopping, and you pick out something for me to get for you… Mkay?"

"…"

"Well come on! Let's go!"

_**Five Hours Later**_

"…We've gone to all the stores in Icicle town… and spent the last five hours for nothing."

"…So it seems."

"You knew you weren't going to like anything, you did this on purpose! You!... YOU!..."

"You what?"

"You… poison coated love muffin!"

"…"

"Gah, what am I going to do with you?"

"…Thank me."

"For what?"

"…"

"Oh my gawd… are those…?"

"…Yes."

"Shiny new materia orbs?!?! EEEEEEEE! How'd you know?"

"…"

"Okay, I get it. Dumb question… but really, they're so shiny… and new. Gyah! Thanks! Come here and get your hug!"

"…Gladly."

"Nyuk, my master plan worked."

"…?"

"This was all a conspiracy to get you to hug me…"

"…"

"Okay, I lied, but whatever."

_**My true love gave to me, seven shiny materia, six marsh mellows, five giggle fits, four silly snowmen, three awkward moments, two sexy smirks and a gentleman in red.**_


	88. On the Eighth Day of Christmas

**On the Eighth Day of Christmas**

_A/n: I was able to get on my dad's computer today. I'm still not sure about tomorrow, so I apologize. After School Friday around 6 PM my time is when my computer will be back. Answer this question; Do you like dark or milk chocolate? **EDIT; Tomorrow and Monday i'm not going to be able to update. Expect updates on Tuesday.**_

December just seems to be flying by, doesn't it? Well I finally got everyone's shopping done yesterday after Vincent took me around on that wild goose chase. It's been awfully quiet around here, it's kind of weird. Tifa and Cloud have been all lovey dovey; yeah, hard to imagine I know, but it's really happening. Marlene and Denzel have been capable of keeping themselves entertained. Barret and Cid just act like old guys, and Nanaki's been asleep. Jeez this vacation has dwindled down to a dull crawl. I'm just laying in my bed now and Vinnie's over there in that general direction. He's either reading or something; I don't believe he actually ever sleeps. It's kind of weird sharing a room with him again. _**CREAK **_Urk, what was that noise?

"Vinnie?"

"…?"

"What was that?"

"…hm?"

"You didn't hear it?" _**CREAK **_There it goes again!

"…there was no sound."

"Psh, you telling me you aren't hearing that creepy creak noise?" _**SCREE **_Ouch, that was like nails on a chalkboard.

"…Heard that one."  
"see? I'm not going crazy! What's going on?!"

"…"

"Think this place is haunted?" Oh dear, I hope this place isn't haunted, I don't think I can stand anymore creepy stuff after Halloween.

"…No, I am the scariest thing for miles."

"Psh, Don't make me throw this pillow at you!"

"…" _**SMACK **_Okay, this is getting ridiculous.

"Alrighty, We're going to go and find out where that noise is coming from! Grab Cerberus, and let's roll!"

"…"

"What do you mean you just cleaned Cerberus? It's a gun, what's the point of having it if you don't want to use it!"

"…" _**SLAM**_

"Gawd, I'll go and find it myself." Ick, Cold floor… Maybe I should get some socks first… meh oh well let's go for it. Cue Music…. Secret Agent woman! Secret Agent woman! They've taken away your name and given you a number, to everyone you met you stay a stranger… okay I'm done. Ahem, moving on. _**SLAM**_ It's coming from inside the kitchen it seems. I feel like I'm in a Scooby doo episode or something. _**CRACK**_ Owe, that was a loud one. Someone's following me… Next corner I'll turn and roundhouse kick them. _**WHACK**_

"WACHA! Urk, Vinnie what are you doing?"

"…"

"I can take care of myself thank you very much. I'm extremely Ninja –y."

"…"

"I wasn't going to trip in the dark! Can you let go of my leg please?"

"…"

"Okay, so, Watson, where do you believe this sound is coming from?" _**SLAM**_

"… Tifa and Cloud's room."

"…Wait… you mean…?"

"…Yes."  
"EWWWWW!"

"…I tried to detour you."

"Well you should have done a better job, I so didn't need to know that!"

"…"

"A plan to get them back eh… what do you have in mind?"

"…"

"You sadistic little poison coated love muffin, you. I like the way you think. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Let's go set up!"

_**My true love gave to me eight eerie noises, seven shiny materia, **__**six marsh mellows, five giggle fits, four silly snowmen, three awkward moments, two sexy smirks and a gentleman in red.**_


	89. On the Ninth Day of Christmas

**On the Ninth Day of Christmas**

_A/N: Major computer problems. Sorry guys D: I'm only going to be able to do this up to 12 days of Christmas. Nine heroes; Yuffie, Vincent, Reeve, Red XII, Barret, Cid, Tifa, Cloud, Shera. Yeah Shera's a hero also XP_

Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Sometimes my genius scares myself. Well… I guess this was Vinnie's genius, but hey, I'm making this thing work. Our plan is to scare everyone with a fake "haunting". Yup, we're making this place haunted. Vinnie went out to buy some… scary details, while I've been here setting things up. Today I've left several hints to some odd stuff just to freak everyone out. Like I tied an invisible wire to a chair and pulled it across the room, and asked how it moved. Everyone was white as a sheet. Words cannot describe how hilarious it was. Vinnie should be back soon, and till then, I plant more seeds of fear in everyone mind… MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

_**Seven hours later**_

It is the dead of night, and damn, I am so excited! Vince showed some of the stuff he bought, and I have to say, some of it looks legit. Like this fake blood and this decapitated head. Everyone's in bed and we're setting up. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. This is going to be Awesome, with a capital A.

"psst. You ready?"

"…"

"Alright, you know the plan, let's go for it."

"…"

So it is time for me to go and sneak off into the attic to make some spooky noises while Vinnie controls all the scary stuff downstairs. Oh dear, we are so terrible. Time to sneak up the stairs… wait… I think something is up here already… but who could it be?

"…Yuuuufffiiiieee."

"Who the hell said that?!"

"Yuuuuuufffffiiiiiiieeee!" Holy shit, who turned on the lights and what the hell, is that?!

"AHHHHHHHH! Stay back you little dead girl! I know kung fu!" Shit, it's time to get out of here.

"Yuffie? What's going on?"

"Tifa, just run! There's a zombie girl up there! Get everyone in the main room!" Shit where is Vinnie? If he planned this without me I'm going to kick his butt!

"…Yuffie."

"Who's the Zombie girl in the attic?"

"…"

"What do you mean there's no zombie girl in the attic?! I saw her! She tried to eat me! She even called my name all creepy like… Yuuuuufffiiiieeee, you know that whole deal." Gawd, why is everyone starring at me? "What, it's true!"

"Brat, you on drugs?"

"Shut up, Cid!"

"No. I think he has a point!"

"You too, Barret!"

"… I concur…"

"Not you also, Red!" Gawd, I feel like it's let's all gang up on Yuffie day or something!

"Yuffie…"

"Now, Cloud… before you get all indignant on me, look at the top of the stairs! How do you explain that?"

"…" Yeah, that shut them all up!

"Holy shit!"

"Cid, watch your mouth!"

"Sorry, Shera."

"Yooooou haaave aaaaall beeen…" Oh gawd, it's going to eat us!

"punk'd!"

"DENZEL?!?!" That was kind of cool how we were all synchronized and stuff.

"Yup! We over heard Yuffie and Vincent planning to scare you guys, so we decided to join in the fun."

"...So the zombie girl was… Marlene?"

"Yup! You should have seen your face Yuffie!"

"…"

"We totally all got outsmarted by two little kids."

"…"

"Gawd, we fail at life."

_**My true love gave to me nine scared heroes, eight eerie noises, seven shiny materia, six marsh mellows, five giggle fits, four silly snowmen, three awkward moments, two sexy smirks and a gentleman in red.**_


	90. On the Tenth Day of Christmas

**On the Tenth Day of Christmas**

_A/N: Yeah, last chapter sucked, I know. Oh well, I'm running out of material and time._

Well, we didn't get tricked by those little kids… I got tricked by them. Vinnie was in cahoots with them the whole entire time! Can you believe that?! He's such a great actor… and he tricked me! Dang jerk! I haven't talked to him all morning and I'm not going to talk to him. Every time he comes into a room I make a big show of leaving. Which is exactly why I'm sitting out in the cold right now!

"It's all his fault!"

"…Whose fault?"

"…Yours, Jerkface! Sneaking up on me like that and stuff!"

"…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know it's not your fault. I'm just a bit sore at you, cause you played a trick on me! How could you do that?"

"…I apologize."

"…So now what?"

"We go…"

"go…?"

"Tree shopping."

"…Well that was totally not random. Not at all."

"…I offered."

"…You do realize I am puny, yes? How do you expect me to help you carry a tree?"

"…"

"We have a sled to drag it back on?"

"…"

"I swear you did not have that with you a second ago. Where'd you pull that sled out of… your bum?"

"…Funny."

"Yeah yeah, let's go tree shopping."

"…you mean, chopping."

"..."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"You mean we have to cut the damn thing down also?"

"Yes."

"Just great!"

"…"

"I'm coming, I'm coming." Gawd, what am I getting myself into?!

_**Three hours later**_

Three hours and ten trees later, we're done. Yeah, ten trees. I am going to go and pass out now if you'll excuse me. I don't even think we needed that many, but Vinnie kept insisting. We gave the other nine to the people around Icicle Inn. We even set one up in Aerith's parents' old pad. Gawd, I can't feel my toes.

_**My true love gave to me ten trees, **__**nine scared heroes, eight eerie noises, seven shiny materia, six marsh mellows, five giggle fits, four silly snowmen, three awkward moments, two sexy smirks and a gentleman in red.**_


	91. On the Eleventh Day of Christmas

**On the Eleventh Day of Christmas**

_A/N: Getting harder and harder to update. Sorry._

So, we have a Christmas tree now and Vinnie and I get stuck with the work… again. We've been ordered to decorate it. Everyone else made some excuse about how they still had to do their Christmas shopping… What a bunch of bull if you ask me! So, I'm stuck here, with Broody, decorating a huge tree.

"Vince, I think you're putting the lights on wrong."

"…"

"Yeah, you're clumping them together too much."

"…"

"I can't do it myself, I'm eating caramel. You wouldn't deny me this smell pleasure, would you?"

"…"

"I knew you'd understand. Maybe you should stand on a chair so you can get the lights all the way up to the top."

"…"

"yeah, it'll look bottom heavy if you don't."

"…"

"…It's lopsided."

"…"

"…Sheesh I get it, shutting up!" Gawd that was a cold glare! I think the room went down a couple of degrees. Yummy caramel, nothing tastes sweeter.

"…"

"What?"

"…"

"Why do I have to do that ornaments?"

"…"

"Fine then! I'll decorate this tree without your help!" Nyuk. Nyuk, Nyuk. This is totally going to be the best Christmas tree ever!

**30 Minutes Later**

That's a beautiful Christmas tree… if I do say so myself! Now all that's left is the angel to put on top. Urk, I can't reach… Maybe if I stand on my tip toes? Nah, that doesn't work either. Reaaaaaaaach!

"…Need help?"

"Just cause I'm vertically challenged!"

"…?"

"…Mind giving me a lift?"

"…"

"Thanks, Vince. So how totally awesome does this tree look?"

"…Lopsided."

"HAHA very funny! Nyaaah!"

"…" Dang him and his sexy smirk.

_**My true love gave to me, eleven ornaments, **__**ten trees, nine scared heroes, eight eerie noises, seven shiny materia, six marsh mellows, five giggle fits, four silly snowmen, three awkward moments, two sexy smirks and a gentleman in red.**_


	92. On the Twelfth Day of Christmas

**On the Twelfth Day of Christmas**

_A/N: Yeah… crappy chapters galore. Sorry guys, just running out of motivation. All this updating in a row DX_

Well, it's Christmas Eve, and everything seems to be going horrible for me. I have a paper cut, I tripped going up the stairs, got rug burn from playing tag with the kids, I burnt my finger on a cookie sheet, I burnt my mouth on a cookie. I can never wait the five minutes it takes them to cool, they're just sitting there all gooey and warm and smelling yummy… ah, back to the main topic, I just seem to be a trouble magnet today. Some weird Final Destination shit has been happening around here. A broom almost took me out, and my hand was closed in a door. Something terrible is going to happen… I can feel it in my bones. Not to mention the bottle of vodka Tifa is pouring into a bowl.

"…Do I even want to know what the vodka is for?"

"Eggnog, don't worry this is the alcoholic version. I'm making another for you and the kids."

"Hey, don't group me together with those demon children! I resent that!"

"…Why don't you go do something else?" You know, Tifa's fake smile is pretty scary. You can so tell she's mad but she does this weird smile that just creeps you out to no end. I'm out of here. Hmmm, where should I go next? I'll go up to my room and check on Mc brood pants, but first, I must admire my beautiful tree. Damn, he was right, it is lopsided. What's that… burning smell? Fire place isn't lit… so it can't be that… no other candles in the room… that leaves… THE TREE! Oh shit, oh shit! Someone must have left the lights on too long!

"FIRE! Someone got get a hose." Well, I've seen enough movies to know that swatting at a fire will make is grow so what do I do?! What do I do? Throw dirt on it! Hiya! Flaming tree Vs. Potted plant… and the flaming tree wins. Crap, anything else in here to throw? Uh… Uh…Urk, where'd the water come from?

"Don't spray me! Spray the freaking tree!"

"…"

"What do you mean I'm in the way?! Ugh, let's not start this now, please. There I'm out of the way, now spray the freaking tree!" Thank god Vinnie was here. Where is everyone else? Well, now that I'm looking out the window that explains it. That is the rational thing to do in a fire… get outside the house. Oh well, too late now!

".Thanks Vince, we couldn't have stopped the fire without you, and your… hose."

"…"

"Oh crap, all of the presents are ruined!"

"…"

"Well, sure it's just gifts, but I got you these bullets that I was positive you were going to like."

"…!"

"…Hot burning embers plus bullets equal…" _**BANG.**_ It's dark… and there's something heavy on top of me… ohh… I feel a six pack, not to mention it smells like Vince. Not that I've been secretly smelling his clothes or anything while we've been sharing a room.

"…?"

"Can't breath really, but I'm peachy. You mind moving? I enjoy the use of my lung."

"…I apologize."

"It's fine, I know you just can't keep your hands off of me… Oh my gawd, your shoulder. It's leaking blood!" I somehow shot Vinnie with my Christmas present. Damn, He saved my life.

"It is nothing."

"Psh, I see blood. So you're coming with me. We should get out of here incase the whole place lights up. I'll go get a cure materia; you think you can make it outside?"

"Yes." Damn, it really is Final Destination crap like that. I mean, did you see that?! I would be dead if Vinnie didn't jump on me like a panther and… ohh bad mental image… Bad Yuffie! Gawd, where is that bloody cure materia?! Aha! There you are! Ouch! A splinter! This is what I get for not wearing socks on wooden floors. Ouch, Ouch. Urk, hopping up and down on one foot while trying to look at your other is extremely hard. Crap, stray sock. Owe, I just totally shot out… hope no one saw that. Now I have a sore head. Gawd, I'll just leave the bloody splinter in, and go outside. It wouldn't be Christmas without something going wrong, I suppose. "Don't worry Vince! Nurse Yuffie is on the way! WACHA!"

_**My true love gave to me, twelve narrow escapes, **__**eleven ornaments, ten trees, nine scared heroes, eight eerie noises, seven shiny materia, six marsh mellows, five giggle fits, four silly snowmen, three awkward moments, two sexy smirks and a gentleman in red.**_


	93. Three Sheets to the Wind

_**Three**__** Sheets to the Wind**_

_**-**_

**Very drunk.**

_A/n: Well… A __new year__ and time for some more chapters! With this I'm going to TRY and get into the habit of updating once a week. Life may happen, but we'll see how this goes. Have a good read, and review please!__ And I totally forgot __Yuffie's__ birthday this year… so she's supposed to be 21…_

Well, Christmas was a riot, that's for sure. I somehow indirectly shot Vin-Vin… he's all better now, but I still feel like a huge jerk. New Years was well… four days ago… and people are still knocking back the hard liquor like it is water. Of course I'm not drunk anymore… after that hangover from New Years I'm never drinking again. It felt like that time Don Corneo hung me upside down, but like a bajillion plus five times worse. Not to mention while I was drunk I may have kissed a certain cloaked fellow… I can't really confirm or deny Tifa's statement, since I can't remember a thing. There's only one way to get to the bottom of this… Ask Vince myself! Oh gawd, like I'll be able to do that. Maybe if I just ignore the fact that it ever happened it will cease to be… Yay for selective memory loss!

_**Three Sheets to the Wind.**_

**X-X-X-X-X**

"Yuffie and Vincent sitting in a tree K-i-s-s-i-n-g --" Oh deary me… the Demon spawn are stalking me.

"SHUT UP! And what are you two doing in my room? Hmmmm?"

"We just wanted to tell you, Vincent has been down stairs all morning and he's waiting for you to come down. He wants to see you." And like that they're gone… was a teleportation device installed in the bar while I was looking? No… probably secret passages and short cuts that Cloud and Tifa have been keeping secret from me. Ohhh! That makes me so mad! Well… should I go or should I stay? Now that is the essential question that I will take the rest of the day to answer as an excuse not to go downstairs.

"Yep, I'm brilliant."

"…Extremely." Oh crap… I forgot he could come up here…

"Hello Vincent…" Act natural… "Lovely day isn't it?" Oh shit, it's raining. "Don't you just love the rain?"

"Vastly…"

"…That makes no sense."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… So it would seem…"

"You're drunk, aren't you?"

"Immensely."

"…"

"In my defense… I believe Cid spiked my drink."

"Hey don't just pass out on my bed like that!" Gosh I have a inebriated Vince in my room… on my bed… and my door has a lock on it… Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. I have an idea… a dastardly amusing idea.

Woo, let's rape him!

…Vincent Lover, no… just… no… My idea involves… woman's underwear…

So we are going to rape him?

"NO! For the last time!"

_**Three Sheets to the Wind.**_


	94. Parting Shot

_**Parting Shot**_

_**-**_

**A final remark, usually cutting or derogatory, made just before departing.**

_A/N: Everyone should go over to Deviant Art and check out __Foxygirlchan's__manga__ of chapter one of CDW! 5 pages are up so far! It's is so exciting!_

You know, maybe I'm just being pompous here, but I feel pretty lucky to be the only living person with any form of blackmail against a certain Vincent Valentine. He's so drunk, I was able to take his shirt off and put one of my bra's on him and snap a few pictures. I've even put on several different bras. There was the strawberry one… then the monkey one, oh, that one was a riot… Man, if he ever finds out I did that, I'm going to be shot… repeatedly. Now all I have to do is redress him before he wakes up… Shit, I think he's coming to… oh gawd… Maybe I can hide… and go jump out the window or something…

"…Yuffie…"

"…" Shit… I'm dead. Goodbye world, next time some psycho tries to crash a meteor into you, you'll be short one less hero.

"…Why am I topless?"

"…You see Vince…"

"…"

"There's a very good reason for this… I swear…"

"…?"

"And it is!" Oh crap, what do I say?"

"…"

"… I was afraid you were going to get vomit all over your cloak!"

"...ah"

"…You mean you actually bought that?"

"No."

"Not at all? Not even an itsy bit?"

"…what were you planning on doing?"

"Ugh, don't look at me like that! I can't believe you'd think I'd molest you while you were inebriated! That's sick! I'll have you know, I was gaining some key blackmail material on you. You jerkface!" And out the room I go… Damn, that was cool. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Pictures of Vincent in my bra's… I think I'm going to have to go and make some posters…

_**Parting shot.**_


	95. Play Ducks and Drakes

_**Play Ducks and Drakes**_

_**-**_

**To behave recklessly; to idly squander one's wealth**

_A/N: Nothing new here. Except really, go check out Foxygirlchan on Deviant art._

There's nothing better than a pay day. Tifa's finally decided to start paying me for all the work I do around here, and if you ask me, it's about damn time! Do you have any idea what I go through on a daily basis? I think not! I mean, I basically get molested everyday and hit on by older men who have had one too many shots. Well, Since today is my first day off in a week, I'm taking this here gil and taking a certain tall, dark and handsome brood shopping. Why? Well… I owe him for the blackmail that he ended up taking back from me and burning and I feel kind of bad. I mean, Vinnie in… a monkey bra… HAHAHAHAHA I'm brilliant. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. Now that I think about it… on this shopping spree, he'll be like a real life ken doll… except way hotter, I never went for those tan guys. _Ding._ Oh that must be Vinnie now… nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

_**Play Ducks and Drakes.**_

"Hey, try this on also!"

"…"

"Just do it!"

"…"

"Am I going to have to come in there and put it on you?!" Stubborn jackass, it's only a pair of tight pants. I mean, they're black, he should love them right?!

"…"

"Damn, those are nice! Your ass looks amazing! You have to get these!"

"…No."

"Why not?!" Must… look… away… the hotness… it's overwhelming…

"…"

"They squeezing your package aren't they? I can kind of see your balls from here… Okay, we'll go a size or two up, but I'm so buying you those. Along with that red button up shirt and those sneakers."

"…"

"Oh, stop complaining! I'm paying for all of this. I've still got 5,000 gil to spend, come on, maybe we can get you a man thong!"

"…"

"Hey where are you going?! You're still wearing those pants; you can't walk out of the store! That's shop lifting and frowned upon! Isn't that against your morals or something?! HYPOCRITE!"

_**Play Ducks and Drakes.**_


	96. Keep the Ball Rolling

_**Keep the Ball Rolling**_

_**-**_

**Maintain a level of activity in and enthusiasm for a project.**

_A/N: __As some of you may have noticed the chapters lately have been a bit… lacking, and I thank Ruby for their review because they are spot on. I am losing my touch a bit, I mean, after 95 chapters, I'm running out of material, you know? This is starting to feel more like a chore than what fun I was having in the beginning. I may end CDW soon… I'm going to try getting some inspiration by playing through FF7 and __DoC__ and watching Advent Children again, but I'm not making any promises. I may just end up taking a long break instead… and I'm updating again to make up for the lame chapter yesterday.__**Edit; oddly after writing this chapter, my love for this story has come back a bit and so has my drive. CDW will continue! And I'm planning on taking some more steps in Yuffie and Vincent's relationship! Thank you Ruby!**__** There will be no update schedule, I'll update when I have motivation.**_

Five years since the first day I went into that creepy mansion with Cloud and Tifa. Five years since we found the combinations to that safe and got attacked by the purple/green thing… which was totally gross by the way! That was definitely one of the weirder things we ran into on our journey. Nothing beats the time we fought it out with Hojo on top of that Sister Ray thing, though… Ugh, we had to kill him two times! That's one more time than the average person! Gosh, he was a real freak! …What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, five years ago! We went down those creepy stairs and into that side room with the key we found in the safe. And Low and behold five years ago I first laid my eyes on Broody mc saucy pants! And Damn, he gave me the creeps; being in a coffin and all, not to mention his voice sounded ominous as it echoed around me.

It was kind of interesting to see him flip out of the coffin and all. How many people do you know that can do like 15 flips in the air before landing? That's what I thought. Anyway, when I first saw him, I instantly thought… VAMPIRE! All the clues were there! Coffin, pale, creepy place like this, it was probably his torture chamber! All I could think of was throwing some holy water on him and running away. Holy water works on vampires, right? Or was that zombies…? Hmm… I know silver takes out werewolves and… I'm getting side tracked again. Le sigh. Anyway, back to my point, He was freaking creepy and I thought that till I saw his eyes. Somewhere between him doing 15 turns in the air and him getting out of his coffin our eyes met, and I was smitten. Yeah, he was creepy as hell, and probably leviathan knows how much older than me, and just one look and I was smitten. Well then, I didn't know I was, but now that I look back on it, and actually think about it… that's when this whole ordeal all started. His eyes were like lamps and I was being drawn in like the stupid mosquito. Lovely analogy, no? I try, I try.

Anyway, once he started telling his story, I started to notice the hints of sadness in those red eyes of his. Of course, I was still a bit freaked out by him and when Cloud invited him to come along, I flipped. Wouldn't you?! Well, skipping all the boring stuff that happened from ShinRa Manor in Nibelheim to Rocket Town, somewhere along the way, I decided. I'm going to be this guy's friend. Not only is he a creepy freak, he's been asleep for 30 years, yeah, talk about ancient. Even if any of his old friends were still alive, they'd be peeing in bags and on life support. So, Might as well grace him with my divine presence. This day, five years ago, I made a sort of project for myself. I was going to become the best of buddies with Vincent Freaking Valentine. I must have been on tranquilizers at the time because Vince hadn't even acknowledged my existence yet. Since I made that little goal for myself, I've been working on being his friend. Which can be quite hard sometimes… especially when he's being a big jerk. Like that time he ran off with his dead chick in a younger chick that's really an older chick. Yeah that sucked. It hurt my heart… right here.

Anyway, I've been working with enthusiasm for five years, and what have I got to show for it? Well, I'm fluent in "dotdotdot", I can read his facial expressions, I'm one of the few people he talks to, and he kind of trusts me. Doesn't seem like a lot, but it's taken me blood, sweat and tears to get this far. Talking to him is like pulling teeth… or talking to a brick wall… which can both be equally painful. Yeah, I remember when I first got my teeth pulled, it hurt like nothing that I had ever felt before in my 12 years of life. Now, I've felt considerably more painful things. Like getting slashed by a psychotic maniac trying to throw a meteor into the Planet. I'm not even going to go into Emerald and Ruby Weapon. But I digress… Maybe I'm a bit curious… if that's all that's happened in five years, what's going to happen between us in another five years? I'll be Twenty-six… and he'll still be Twenty-seven… or look damn near it. Or maybe he won't… with Chaos gone, he'll probably age some now, but I'd imagine from all the mako it'd be slower than the rest of us. Or maybe he still doesn't age at all… What if I get older than him? Gawd, how awkward would that be?! Mentally, he's way older, but physically… oh that'd be awkward. Like… Majorly. But really this makes me wonder what's to come for us… As much as I **hate** to admit it, I have feelings for Broody. Even though he can be a real jerk... But he's getting better. Could I ever be Mrs. Yuffie Valentine? Maybe it's because I'm biased, but I just love the way that rolls off the tongue.

"Mrs. Yuffie… Valentine…"

"…Hm?"

"ACK! How long have you been there?! And what are you doing in my room on my bed, sitting next to me?!"

"I called you and shook your shoulder."

"…" Damn, Tifa wasn't kidding, I'm totally oblivious to the outside world when I zone out.

"…?"

"I wasn't mumbling anything! Your ears are playing tricks on you!" Oh shit, stop flushing cheeks, you're blowing my cover!

"…Hm? Lying, are we?"

I hate it how he does that! "No silly! What makes you think that?" And why are you getting so incredibly close Vince?! This is what being a cornered animal must feel like… Stuck in a corner with Vin blocking my only way out.

"I heard…"

"Your dramatic pauses fail to have any effect on me. Whatsoever. They stopped working a very long time ago!" Yeah, another lie, so sue me!

"…what you said…" Oh gawd, is he bluffing?

"…"

"…Mrs. Yuffie Valentine."

"Oh gawd, you did hear me!" I can feel the heat radiating off my face… I must be so red. Is there any possible chance a large hole could magically appear and I could fall in it? No? Damn it! And he's still getting closer.

"Mako enhanced hearing."

"Heh… of course…totally forgot about that… so uh… yeah… awkward…like majorly, to the second power. Is there a reason you're practically on top of me, or are you doing this because you enjoy watching me squirm?"

"…" There go his lamp eyes again, and I'm smitten. This appears to be a reoccurring theme… Well, while he's here I may as well ask him, but first I'm going to burry my face in his chest in order to keep at least a wee bit of my dignity intact…

"So… uh… erm… Do you…think that it could… gulp… you know… ever… come… true?"

"Certainly." And, I'm crying… happy tears mind you. Gawd, I can't wait for this next five years! New project for myself… Become Mrs. Yuffie Valentine!

_**Keep the Ball Rolling.**_


	97. Author's Note

_A/N: Well… it took a lot of thought on my part, and I've decided that I'm going to end __Could Do Without__. I simply do not have the time or enthusiasm to continue this story with a high quality of work. My interests have strayed, and I'd like to focus on some other things. It has been a great run, and I know the end isn't the best one, but I believe this is the best place to leave Vincent and Yuffie off. I would like to thank all of you, who supported me by reviewing, and keeping me going. I know I'm probably – scratch that, definitely - letting some of you down, and I apologize. I could keep writing chapters, but they wouldn't be chapters worth reading. Special thanks go out to __Foxygirlchan__, for being a great buddy, and Black-Dragon-Rock, for her support. After a year, __Could Do Without__ has 96 chapters; 52,929 words; 1792 reviews; 166,292 hits; 5 C2's; 217 favorites; 211 alerts.__ This is probably the longest running drabble story ever! So, remember the good times, and stop by to read some chapters over again if you'd like. Who knows, I may be writing some more __Yuffentine__ in the future, so__…__ see you later, and not goodbye._

_-Bleueyz_

_P.S. If you'd like to keep up with me, here's my live journal http://bleu-zoo DOT livejournal DOT com/_


	98. Security Blanket

**Security Blanket**

**A small familiar blanket or other soft fabric item carried by a child for reassurance.**

**A/N: Long time no see~ Has it really been 4 years? Man, does time fly! I was feeling a bit inspired, so I thought I'd add something new for you all. I hope it's at least a bit enjoyable considered how long it's been. Let me know what you think! **

GAWD, I am so bored! The word bored cannot even describe the amount of boredom I am suffering through right now. What's a GREAT ninja to do in this stuffy, old house in Kalm while Vinnie is off helping Reeve with WRO stuff…? I mean, I'm here in his house all alone – _unsupervised_ – with all of his worldly possessions…

No… I really shouldn't. He said I shouldn't touch anything and just wait for him to come back.

…

Pffft, who am I kidding? When has that stopped the GREAT ninja Yuffie Kisaragi?

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk! Prepare to have all your dark secrets revealed, Vinniepoo! Time to use my super awesome, secret ninja skills to find where he hides his deepest and darkest secrets. Hmm… Hmmmm… Hmmmmmmmmm. If I were a dark and broody mc brood pants who wore black and red and had luscious locks of raven hair, where would I hide my deepest and darkest secrets? Hmmm, no where really looks that promising… wait… now that I think about it, that door at the top of the stairs is always closed.

Might as well go check it out… Ugh, Vinnie really needs to renovate this place, these stairs sound like they're made out of dying cats.

It's locked… figures. Vinnie has always been the cautious, brooding, secretive, creepy type. Time to pick the lock! … almost… there… Aha! Victory is mine! Yuffie: 1 Lock :0!

Well, since I've gone this far, there's no turning back now! All of his dark secrets will be mine! …It's just his room. Well, that was anti-climactic. It's dull and stuffy just like the rest of the house. Maybe he has a diary hidden… under his bed! Nope… In the bedside table! Nope… In the closet!

Sweet mother of Leviathan! I have found the Vincent Valentine Cloak surplus store! Seriously, how many of these things does he have? I've always wondered what it's like to wear one of these… now's my chance! I just slip my head through here and voilà! I am Vincent Valentine… I am… the danger! Eat lead!

Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk! This is so much fun! If I had known how much fun it would be to strike poses in Vinnie's cloak I would have done it forever ago! It even smells like him and it's a lot warmer than you'd expect, considering how tattered it looks; surprisingly comforting, it's almost like he's hugging me… He has so many cloaks in his closet; he probably wouldn't notice if one went missing… right?

What was I doing in here again before I started trying on Vinnie's clothes? Oh, right! Deep dark secrets… time to snoop some more!

…

After scouring every inch of this room, I haven't found anything except that Vinnie's bed is exceptionally comfortable. You'd think it'd be as hard as rocks or like a coffin or something, but nope. It's like a cloud! A black cloud that smells like Vinnie… even though he's only been away for a couple of days, I miss him. This bed is so comfy, I can't get up… I'll just close my eyes for a bit and begin operation steal Vinnie's cloak later…

"What are you doing?" Oh my gawd, my dreams are really vivid, that sounded exactly like Vin. I just about had a heart attack.

"Uhhh…" Oh crap, that really is Vin and he's standing in the door way blocking my only escape route… My face must be as red as a tomato, oh gawd! "This isn't what it looks like! It's not like I'm cuddling your cloak because I was bored and I missed you or anything!"

"…"

"Errrr, I'm in big trouble, aren't I?"

"…" This is it; he's reaching out towards me. I have finally broken crossed the final line, goodbye sweet world! Goodbye materia, I'll miss you! This is how the great ninja Yuffie finally dies! Being hugged by Vincent Valentine! Wait, what? I'm being hugged! EHHHH?

"I do not appreciate you breaking into my room… but you can keep the cloak."

I'm so embarrassed the only thing I can do is burry my face in his chest and nod.

Looks like I have a new **security blanket**. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. My plan of getting a cape of my own was a perfect success. I am… THE DANGER!


End file.
